Breaking Free: The Journey from Comparison to Redemption | Ep. 81 with Bart Nollenberger
Today we have a special guest, Bart Nollendberger, on the No Grey Areas Podcast, as our host, Patrick McCalla, dives deep into Bart’s true story of self-reflection and self-recovery that shaped him into the inspirational man he is today. From the impact of childhood challenges to overcoming addiction and finding redemption, they delve deep into the realms of identity, faith, and personal growth.
Bart shares his remarkable story, from an early desire to escape through comparison to others to a transformative 38 years of sobriety. His book, 'Keep the Change,' soon to hit Amazon, offers profound insights. As Bart candidly shares the intricacies of his struggle with addiction, identity, and the absence of parental love, he guides us through the Laws of Transformation, where he poses essential questions about self-discovery, desires, and the obstacles we erect in our paths.
The episode offers a glimpse into Bart's role as a coach, passionately guiding others toward leadership and self-discovery. Through scripture, including Psalms 139, Bart highlights the importance of obedience, challenging listeners to unveil their blind spots and run to God in times of mistake. Experience a tapestry of emotions, growth, and faith in this inspiring narrative that transcends the conventional recovery story. Join the conversation and be part of a community seeking a deeper connection with the true self. Watch now! 📖#KeepTheChange #TransformationJourney #FaithandRecovery #Inspiration"
Learn more here:
https://bartnollenberger.com/ or
https://www.johncmaxwellgroup.com/bartnollenberger
Find his book here:
https://www.keepthechangebook.org/
Follow him on Facebook here:
https://www.facebook.com/BartNollenbergerCoaching/
Be sure to like our podcast, share it with a friend, and leave a review!
You can also watch the video versions on our YouTube channel. Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out on the next inspiring and motivating interview!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbnC2rjEumGJhqy54qazFFw
Connect with us on social media for more engaging, inspiring, and motivating content.
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/nogreyareas_gagliano/
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/NoGreyAreas
TIK TOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@nogreyareasgagliano
EMAIL: info@nogreyareas.com
No Grey Areas is a motivational podcast with captivating guests centered around how our choices humanize, empower, and define who we become. This podcast is inspired by the cautionary tale, No Grey Areas, written by Joseph Gagliano. Learn more about the truth behind his story involved with sports' biggest scandal at nogreyareas.com
#habits #success #change #motivation #motivational #inspiration #difference #choices #nga #purpose #liveonpurose #lifestyle #better #mentalhealth #decisions
Transcript
Unknown
Welcome to a new transformative episode that delves into the depths of personal growth and redemption. I'm your host, Pat McCullough. And today we are joined by Bart Nolan Berger, whose journey from addiction to purpose is nothing short of extraordinary. He's an author, leadership coach and public speaker who has studied under experts such as Tony Robbins, John Maxwell and Les Brown.
::Unknown
In this raw and candid conversation, we explore the profound impact of Bart's upbringing, his battles with addiction, and the pivotal moments that led to his path of sobriety. Prepare to be moved as we jump into this episode. Listen now.
::Unknown
Bart Nolan Berger, thank you so much for being on the No Gray Areas podcast. We're going to jump right into it. So I just got done listing your accomplishments and there's a lot of them, by the way.
::Unknown
but my personal opinion is that maybe one of your biggest accomplishments or some of your biggest accomplishments were overcoming some of the difficulties in life, some of them that were done maybe by your own choosing, some of them that were done to you.
::Unknown
So can you talk a little bit about that? Because this podcast, as you know, is built around the power and complexity of human choice that we make our choices and eventually our choices make us.
::Unknown
And so your life and actually your coaching is we're going to get into and all the things that you do is really about helping people make choices.
::Unknown
Good choices. Yes.
::Unknown
had to overcome some things. Yeah. All to my own. I did them all. Yeah. And it was the way I looked at them.
::Unknown
For example, I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood in Toledo, Ohio. My dad was a car dealer. My mama was a model. I had when I turned 16 at a new car and I wrecked six of those babies in high school,
::Unknown
you know, wrecked six cars in high school starts.
::Unknown
I was a bad driver. Yeah. And and if you got to the 16, you're saying two of the four years in high school, you wrecked six cars. And
::Unknown
It wasn't that a deer jumped out in front of me or that the car had bad brakes. I was just stupid. Yeah. And I look at back when I was really young, I wanted to be somebody else.
::Unknown
That was the thing. My dad was an alcoholic. My mom was a codependent. And I when the first ten years were amazing. But then at 11, 12, 13, I started looking at our family and it was my dad's behavior was dysfunctional. All his buddies were drunk. And I thought, Well, that's cool. And I also saw people around me that I wanted to be like, and I didn't want to be me.
::Unknown
So that started this journey and nobody. How old were you when you when you think I mean, it's probably subconsciously that you were thinking that, but how old do you think you were when you started thinking, I want to be someone else? Probably 11 or 12 right after that. The first ten years, I was fun. I was joyful.
::Unknown
People laughed at me and all that.
::Unknown
And then 11, 12, 13, I you know, we changed physically. Yeah. And I changed mentally. Yeah. I started thinking, no, I want to be a great basketball player. I sucked.
::Unknown
I wouldn't say that here I was little. You can. Yeah. And I wanted to be this or that and I wasn't.
::Unknown
Yeah. And
::Unknown
that first time that I drank again, my choice.
::Unknown
That's probably true of a lot of people, don't you think? You know a lot of people that. Yeah. Yeah. Especially those ages. Well, especially now.
::Unknown
And you're not going to admit it like you're never going to go say that to someone who maybe you don't even consciously know.
::Unknown
Right.
::Unknown
So then, so you first time you drank. Yeah. And I want to say add on to what you just said.
::Unknown
Think about how much you and I, not maybe you, but definitely I compare ourselves
::Unknown
to other people and that's for me. Started at that time.
::Unknown
one of the most detrimental things that we do as human beings, isn't it?
::Unknown
Isn't it? I think so,
::Unknown
with that comes shame. Yeah. I'm not enough. Yes. I don't measure up. Yeah. Yeah.
::Unknown
Exactly. So you're dealing with that as a lot of us do with that age. But then you're also in a in a fairly dysfunctional home. Yeah. My dad would.
::Unknown
I later found out he ran a dealership. He'd leave at noon, go party with his buddies till four, come home at four, or take a nap for 2 hours and start drinking again.
::Unknown
And of course, it progressed over the years. I didn't realize how bad it was, but what I do know is that I wanted my dad's attention young and I never got it. My grandfather was great at taking my brother and I out to ballgames and fishing. My dad was not responsive to any of that. My dad never said, I love you and look, I've interviewed people in my podcast or people grew up by themselves where their parents were literally not there.
::Unknown
So my deal is not that big a deal, but I made a bigger deal of it
::Unknown
and I wanted attention and I realized, man, I can be like my dad. I'm going to start. Even though it was subconsciously at that point, I'm going to start drinking to get his attention. Yeah.
::Unknown
And that first time I tapped into it, I thought, this is cool.
::Unknown
Tasted awful. And then I did a couple of times and then the breaking point was, I think I was 13. I poured a full goblet of whiskey and a full goblet of rum, and I jug
::Unknown
both of them. And I had 13, 13. And I walked down to the what was called the Beehive, where I grew up in Perrysburg, Ohio, is where all the young people got together.
::Unknown
By the time I got down there, it was a walk, it was a mass, it was it. And yet
::Unknown
what I remember was that I'll remember anything. But I do remember that everybody laughed at me and I thought they were laughing with me. And I do remember everybody was giving me attention
::Unknown
and I thought, this was what you were craving.
::Unknown
And I do remember that I could tell them that I played basketball at another school or I swam on a and an elite level and another swim club and nobody would know the difference. Of course they knew the difference. Yeah, but that was the delusion that I started living in.
::Unknown
So I lived in fantasy in so many ways in that area that from 10 to 20 and fantasy carried on beyond that.
::Unknown
But did you did you I'm curious at that time
::Unknown
your dad's drinking. Did you know he was drinking like it? Was it evident to you? Yeah. Did you hate that about him?
::Unknown
Because I think a lot of times we become what we hate, right? We're like, I'll never be like my dad, but then we start doing what makes us like our dad.
::Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. It's funny,
::Unknown
because again, what did I want? I want him to say I love you. Hey, let's go to a ball game. That's what I wanted. Yeah. My mama was that my mom died at 97. I
::Unknown
brought her to Christ a week before she died. Yeah. School story. Yeah. And and she was at every one of my swim meets.
::Unknown
She was always there.
::Unknown
But my mom was kind of the Joan Crawford, if you remember that movie hours ago with Joan. No wire hangers. Yeah, Everything had to be perfume on the pig. Everything had to be in its place. Yeah. And she was an incredible enabler. And she.
::Unknown
Which is why she stayed with your dad. Yeah. Put up with all that.
::Unknown
Yes. She found her own self in the early sixties, but it she had. She was in the shadow of that for a long time. Yeah. Even though she was an entrepreneur, she was a model.
::Unknown
So she had perfume on her pig too. Right. She had that. That mask. God. Yeah. Everything was great in our household. Never a problem.
::Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. And it when we had probably 50 mirrors in our house, it's how you looked. It wasn't what was going on on the inside.
::Unknown
So you were you were kind of learning this whole idea like what you started doing at 13 then, like living in a fantasy world or, as you said, putting perfume on a pig. Literally you it almost kind of came natural for you in a way.
::Unknown
Yeah. What was model to you? Yes. And, you know,
::Unknown
a few years ago came to the realization that I was narcissistic and and I hate the word and I hate the title. I hate the label, but that was really who I was. And I every time I see behavior now, that's all about me and that all about we then I realize, that's a little bit of that creeping out.
::Unknown
But we lived in a definite, definite narcissistic household.
::Unknown
Yeah. And you're saying a few years ago that that that can replace progress. I know. That's what I was just going to say, but I think that's such an important thing. Like none of us are going to arrive in his life. Right? Like
::Unknown
you, if people continue to hear your story, they're going to find out that you you overcame a lot of things.
::Unknown
Yes. Yes. But then you're mentioning, well, a couple of years ago this came to and it's the same thing with me right now. I turn 52 here in about two weeks.
::Unknown
And I feel like like Jesus school never ends, right? Like, we're never going to graduate from that one or or getting us to where we could or potential was just not going to arrive.
::Unknown
So that's interesting that you say that. So okay, so you're you're starting some pretty addictive behavior. Absolutely. At a young age really was. And it was always about what I realized a few months ago. You talk about new ideas and new thoughts that pop up.
::Unknown
I got diagnosed officially as having A.D.D. mean you would think I'd known all those decades, but it was official and I had AIDS as a young person too.
::Unknown
But it's not the same. A.D.D. My ADHD was attention deficit disorder. Yes, but it was. I need attention. Look at me now. I want to be on stage. I want to be front and center. That was always what it was for me. Yeah. Not only couldn't I focus, but that was a subset. Yeah, it was.
::Unknown
I want you to look at me.
::Unknown
I need you to know your flaws. Affirmation to proceed to be noticed. Yeah. And. And the alcohol helped with that. You said the person you started thinking that it helped. Okay. Yeah, it did. It made me feel like I was somebody different than I was
::Unknown
later, I found other drugs, and every drug that I took made me feel different.
::Unknown
Yeah. Then who I wanted to be. I didn't want to be who I was because I didn't like me.
::Unknown
you agree with this statement? You don't have to. But that a lot of times a chemical addiction, there's another underlying addiction that we probably have never said. Yeah.
::Unknown
So your underlying addiction was this desperate need for affirmation.
::Unknown
Yes. As and being within all the other chemical things that came into your life,
::Unknown
we're just trying to get that. Yeah. And a lot of that came from wanting Dad to notice. Yeah, right, exactly.
::Unknown
And then later it was getting attention from girls. I mean, that was and up in the addiction as well. But staying in that high school period, I again wrecked a lot of a lot of cars.
::Unknown
I was a mess. I went to college. I actually swam in high school, but I didn't get a scholarship. I went to college and tried out for the swimming team at Howard University and I made the team, but my grades weren't good enough, so I didn't get to swim.
::Unknown
And I spent that year at Ohio University drinking and just being a nightmare.
::Unknown
It was just partying. Yes,
::Unknown
I went to college. I went to Florida after that lifeguard on the beach. And that was obviously an experience. Yeah. But the whole time I was drunk, most of the time. Or high or numb. Yeah,
::Unknown
I remember. What? You're 19 years old. Yeah. And you have some serious addictions. Exactly. Exactly. Had anybody at this point confronted you on it yet?
::Unknown
As anybody seemed like. Bart, you is everybody's enabling you. Yeah. Yeah. They were just typically at that age you don't have a lot of people helping you. A lot of an exact. Exactly. I didn't even know what AA was or any of that. Yeah, the A's. All I knew was this is how I could cope, how I lived life.
::Unknown
And I again
::Unknown
why did I do it? What was the real I wanted attention. I wanted to be somebody different than I was,
::Unknown
When did you get that? When did you realize that? Like, I don't think you were realizing that at that moment. You weren't, were you? Were you in your thirties? Forties. When do you think you.
::Unknown
I realized that when I was really young I wanted to be different.
::Unknown
I pretended that I was somebody different. And I loved basketball in high school. Yeah, but I never made the team. I tried out the seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade, 10th grade, 11th grade. Went to a lot of basketball camps, practiced all the time, but I never made the team, and that was an identity for me.
::Unknown
So I would pretend I was Gregg Webber who lived in the town over. I mean, I just didn't like the way I was looking in the mirror or who I was when I was by myself. It was always somebody else. I dreamed I was Pete Maravich.
::Unknown
I mean, I always lived in this. If there's a younger listeners, they may not know that name, but you and I both know one of the greatest basketball players of all time.
::Unknown
I think you could argue no one played college basketball. No level that he did. Yeah. Yeah.
::Unknown
So you would say you you dreamed of being a people in a rich Yeah yeah yeah and I wasn't nowhere close but I would tell people if I wasn't with them I was. Yeah right. And the funny part about all of this is
::Unknown
again, my dad was a car dealer.
::Unknown
Every time I wrecked the car, I got another one. Nobody really hold me accountable. They they were my mom again, loving but never taught me how to be an adult. Not hurtful. That was on me, right? My dad never said I love you. Never taught me how to be an adult because they never held me accountable. So I moved to Florida and they got me a van when I moved to Florida.
::Unknown
Talk about enabling. Yeah, right. Yeah. And when I hear people growing up in the streets or the ghetto, I so respect that because that's not where I grew up. It was upper middle class, had every advantage that any human being could have. Really? I did. We had boats. We traveled all the time. We had houses in Florida. Spoiled
::Unknown
rich kid.
::Unknown
That's what I was. Yeah. And I had this friend that my parents, they got me for Christmas. I mean, it's so embarrassing. Had red shag carpet, had Budweiser beanbag chair. I mean, this was a wow, what you needed at that time.
::Unknown
And I remember that I was partying with my roommate and he and I got in a fight.
::Unknown
The next morning, the van was gone. He had stolen it. And I called home to mommy and daddy. Now, at this time, I'm 21, right? Come on. And I called home and I said, my van got stolen. What do you think? They said,
::Unknown
No, we're going to bring another one, I swear. So that today when you went on.
::Unknown
Yeah, yeah. And then two days later, they got a credit card bill
::Unknown
and there was it was the credit card that they'd given me for my trip. Use it if you need to. I put $10,000 on that credit card and they said, we're not bringing in the van.
::Unknown
I had to live in Florida by myself for two months.
::Unknown
Without a van. You can't do that. That's a tough life. That's I mean, that was a reality check for you. It's about time. Yeah. All right. Now, I had reality checks by not making teams, but
::Unknown
finally I learned a little bit about what it means to be an adult. And that behavior happened til I was. Til I had a daughter.
::Unknown
All right. She was born in: ::Unknown
And I looked at myself in that picture. I remember back then I thought I was not good. It was probably one of the first times when I'd seen it from the outside. Yeah. And I knew I loved her, but I didn't know how to do any of that. Six months later, I ran to a friend of mine, Bobby, Joe and Bobby.
::Unknown
Joe was clean and sober
::Unknown
and leave it to me to look at my friend and say, Man, you look good. That's just how I was. You guys used to pay a party with. Yes. Okay. So you're seen, like, this different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, dude, what happened to you? You look great.
::Unknown
And he said I went to the Adrian Center, which was in Santa Cruz, California, where I lived at the time, and he said, I got sober.
::Unknown
I said, that's cool. I acted like I didn't care. Right? And then as soon as we were done talking, I called the Adrian Center, set up an appointment, sat down in front of Reba, who was the director of the program, and told her that I wanted to come in. And she said, Great, just give me 30 days.
::Unknown
24 seven.
::Unknown
I still can't do that. I'm a finance manager at this point. And a car dealership. Yeah, yeah, I can't. I'm too busy. She said, Well, I can't help you.
::Unknown
I walked out of there crying like a newborn and then did nothing six months later, got fired from a job. Next morning, woke up in tears again, called that treatment center, and within 2 hours, got that one bed they had left.
::Unknown
Yeah. And checked in.
::Unknown
th,: ::Unknown
I was in there two weeks at my counselor came up to me and he said, Bart, you're narcissistic, you're not taking this seriously. All the things that were brought up to me many times and he said, I don't think you're going to make it.
::Unknown
I think you're going to fail.
::Unknown
And I was so mad at him, I want to punch him in the nose. Yeah. And the next morning I'm in in front of the mirror
::Unknown
getting ready to go talk to him again. And there's a something in my pocket. And I reached in that was a gram of cocaine.
::Unknown
And I'm in treatment right here.
::Unknown
In treatment with a gram of cocaine in your pocket. And I opened it
::Unknown
and I looked at it and I flushed that baby down the toilet and said, Take that, Gus.
::Unknown
Yeah, that was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two weeks later, I graduated. And today I have, by the grace of God,
::Unknown
13,894 days. It's probably not the exact number, but I've got over 38 years of sobriety one day at a time.
::Unknown
Bart. Because of that. Yes. Congrats, man. Praise. Yeah, praise. So
::Unknown
that actually took an interesting twist for me because, you know, I've known a lot of people with chemical addictions. I think we all have addictions. I
::Unknown
wouldn't. Would you agree with that? Yes. Yeah, I had
::Unknown
There was someone that I knew who said to me once they were talking about a person who was going back in for another treatment, and they said, I just don't understand how someone could be addicted to anything.
::Unknown
And I didn't say this to them at the time, but if I could go back, I would go, What are you talking about?
::Unknown
We all have some kind of addiction. I may not be a chemical addiction. Would you agree? Me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
::Unknown
But most of the people that I know that have chemical addictions, some close friends, it takes it.
::Unknown
It took a couple of runs at the hill. Yeah.
::Unknown
You're one one. You went to treatment. Yep. Yep. That's abnormal. Sorry, isn't it?
::Unknown
Well, here's what I did.
::Unknown
Hey, from your No gray Areas team, we just want to say thank you so much for listening. And if you're loving this episode, would you just take a moment and leave us a review and rating on whatever platform you're listening from? If you're watching on YouTube, make sure you hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out on the new podcast episodes that drop every other Wednesday by leaving a review and subscribing, you help others discover our podcasts inspirational messages to effectuate positive change in their lives.
::Unknown
Okay, let's jump back in to this episode.
::Unknown
Well, here's what I did.
::Unknown
For one thing, I didn't know Jesus. My parents were Unitarians. All I knew was that I did get on my knees and pray to God. I didn't know. Yeah. And every morning I would.
::Unknown
I follow the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous. Whatever it said I did, I got a sponsor. What, to 90 meetings in 90 days? There's a third step prayer that goes like this. Got to offer myself to the to build with me and to do with me as the world relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do.
::Unknown
They will take away my difficulties. That victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of that power. And they love my way of life every morning
::Unknown
on my knees, every day without fail. So you took this serious? I took it serious. And I did what it was told to do. Yeah. And
::Unknown
I didn't know I was an alcoholic, but I knew I was a drug addict.
::Unknown
And once I was in that treatment center, I thought, yeah, I did wreck six cars in high school. Yeah. yeah, I did drink every day. yeah. my dad is an alcoholic. I get it. And I realized I didn't want to be that way anymore. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah. And it was. It was. It was.
::Unknown
It was a transformation. But as many people do, I flipped.
::Unknown
You traded addictions. Yeah. Yeah. And
::Unknown
I flipped the sexual integrity issues. I found porn when I was 14. I was on that path, but it wasn't the one that was front and center. But I had sexual integrity issues. Yeah. And I continued the same behavior until ten years later.
::Unknown
Actually, not true. Lasted longer than that.
::Unknown
But ten years later. Pat, I'm in Santa Cruz, California, ten years sober from drugs and alcohol, but
::Unknown
I was married at the time, not a good husband, not a good father. I was angry. I hated myself. I was a flirt. I was again back to narcissist. I was addicted to porn.
::Unknown
I was addicted to attention. And I happened to be driving down the street. I looked into a parking lot.
::Unknown
There was a lot of nice Mercedes in that parking lot. So I turned in
::Unknown
Santa Cruz Bible. I went in and I heard this rock and roll. I thought, Man, these guys are good,
::Unknown
you know? You get it? Yeah.
::Unknown
And I sat down in the back of the room
::Unknown
and I heard Chip Ingram. Yeah. Talk about Romans 12 to don't be the same person Don't conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Yeah. And dude, I had no idea what it was talking about, but I knew he was talking to me.
::Unknown
And that started the path that church had to celebrate recovery. I went to celebrate recovery. I told them about. I got a sponsor for my sexual integrity issues and everything turned around like that.
::Unknown
No, no. So? So I have to correct myself. It did that. Yeah, it did. Unfortunately, I'm saying this because I wish it had. I kept up the same behavior for a long, long time.
::Unknown
But eventually sexual integrity issues. But eventually
::Unknown
I got baptized. I was a hypocrite in probably for the first ten years that I was a believer, I would say in church, praise Jesus and go cuss and do everything I used to do at a car dealership Outside of there. I kept doing the same thing, going to massage parlors and looking at porn and but I knew I hated it and I kept hating it more and more and more.
::Unknown
And I wouldn't give up, Pat. I wouldn't give up. I kept showing up to celebrate recovery. I kept going to recovery meetings. I kept talking to men and it started to take root.
::Unknown
So you were fighting. You were a hypocrite. And as you said, yes, but you were you were also fighting during that time. There was some some battling going.
::Unknown
100%, Yeah. Yeah.
::Unknown
I've often said that the most miserable people on this planet are usually Jesus followers that aren't living right. Because Romans eight nine says, as you know, we're we're we're people of faith that once we've accepted Jesus, the spirit of God is in us. Yes. So
::Unknown
when we're dabbling in things that we shouldn't be doing, we're more miserable than the typical person because
::Unknown
we have the spirit of God in us.
::Unknown
And that doesn't sit right. And we deep, deep in our spirit. We know that. Right? So
::Unknown
you asked what you were living for quite, quite a few years. Well, and because of that behavior,
::Unknown
about five years after I went to that church, my my wife at the time, who mothered four of my kids, all four my kids who I respect because of what a great mom she is.
::Unknown
My kids adore her, but my behavior killed that relationship. Yeah. And
::Unknown
it was a wake up call. And yet I didn't learn right away. I had to keep doing the same behavior.
::Unknown
But what I felt I really grew was when I sat in front of the therapist and I said, I want to stop. I don't want to do this anymore.
::Unknown
And I was in tears. Are these moments right? Yeah. The moment of going to rehab, the moment of driving by the church. And this was another moment and he was a therapist. And he said to me, You need my intensive program.
::Unknown
And what I would say to anybody is, if a therapist says you need an intensive program, you've got to go, you know, better than five program.
::Unknown
Yeah. And it was his cabin in the woods. I lived in Gig Harbor, Washington at the time. There was a cabin in the woods
::Unknown
and it was he said, you're going to go off the grid for 30 days. All you're going to take is a Bible pens and paper. He said, You'll meet with me an hour a day during the week, and I'll I'll give you some homework.
::Unknown
And he said, Then you're on your own on weekends.
::Unknown
I love how your life has gone from a van by the ocean to a cabin in the mountains with light in between there.
::Unknown
So you're you're up there and kind of stripped away from, from everything. But
::Unknown
the woods and. Yeah. And some writing utensils. Yes. And exactly.
::Unknown
Yeah. So and again I didn't really know Jesus I dabbled
::Unknown
I said I would do it and I took 30 days of food, put it in a refrigerator and, and I walked in the cabin. The first time I saw the cabin, I thought, I've been lied to. This is not a cabin. It's a shack. There was there was a hole in the floor and a crack in the wall.
::Unknown
Wow. And there was a little fireplace about ten feet away with a rocking chair in front of it, a bathtub that was probably four feet big.
::Unknown
And I'm 60. Yeah. You folded up on that thing. And there was around kitchen table and that's it with the refrigerator. And guess what? The first thing I did was sat in front of that fireplace and cried.
::Unknown
Yeah, that was happening a lot.
::Unknown
And then I started opening up the Bible and I wrote about my relationships with the people that I had in the past, my mom and and the struggles I had had with her at times and where I felt she was manipulative. She wasn't affectionate enough. My dad, who never gave me any attention, my brother, who was better looking and smarter and more successful, and my relationships.
::Unknown
And I wrote about all of them. And I talked to my therapist about all of them. And after 30 days I graduated from that cabin. It took me time, but the slow drip was starting to take over my soul. And I'm not as my mama used to always say to me, Bart,
::Unknown
you're going to be a late bloomer, which means you're not worth anything yet.
::Unknown
But she would never say that. She's very loving. Yeah. Yeah, but you're going to be a late bloomer. A man. She was prophetic about her. That is so true.
::Unknown
And I did. I started to get it. I started to be okay. Being single. I stopped doing the behavior I did before. And then I'm in church. Cornerstone Church, going to celebrate recovery, doing all I'm supposed to do, serving.
::Unknown
And I met someone. And then by that time I'd had some some singleness. And I met the woman of my dreams. Yeah. Mary,
::Unknown
I did not deserve her. The God doesn't give us what we deserve. God gives us incredible grace. It's true. And I have had incredible grace. Yeah.
::Unknown
How about this woman that is on staff? A church married to a doctor.
::Unknown
Previous had six kids. She was single. Of course,
::Unknown
if you have ten kids between you and God, it's like crazy. Crazy. And she's I met her and we talked and I thought, she's amazing.
::Unknown
And then we started to date a bit and she was praying to God that if I wasn't the one that God would show her.
::Unknown
And I still had a lot of cooking due, though I still had a lot of work to do. I still was not I wasn't the man that she deserved to have. But for some reason, God kept this thing together.
::Unknown
And the result was a year later, we got married on the beach in Carlsbad, California. Oceanside, actually, yeah, in front of our friends.
::Unknown
And Lynn Winters was the one that married us. Yeah. And
::Unknown
I would say, Has it been perfect? No. Have I been stupid? Absolutely. But she has been there the whole time. Yeah, and I have. It's funny how I came from the brokenness to this place of peace. Now I get my front yard, my back yard every morning, and I hang out with God and I write down my values every day.
::Unknown
And I get in the word every day and the other day I was thinking about this part. I wanted to be Tony Robbins. Yeah, I wanted to be on stage, want everybody to notice me. Now my career is dealing with people one on one and teaching them leadership. I didn't like one on, so I didn't want to get to know people that
::Unknown
now I'm a coach and I get to really find out what their soul is themselves in.
::Unknown
Is interesting how
::Unknown
you were just wired to want to help people, right? That was just something that but the stage where there was something healthy and unhealthy about that. Right. Because you were like you craving attention and everything and but yet God is still put you in a place where you're getting to do things.
::Unknown
I actually, by the way, think that almost anybody on a stage, if they're really honest, you know, I spent a lot of years on stage to very most of the time before I would walk out on the stage, I would say
::Unknown
I would quote that.
::Unknown
John three passage may you increase in, May I decrease. And God forgive me for the part of me that I know is craving the attention because I
::Unknown
my drug of choice was is yours. So when you're telling me your story, I'm going, Boy, that's took me a long time in my forties before I can begin to understand that.
::Unknown
But if I could draw a picture and have, like, you know, me strung out my head back and a needle in my arm, it would ever see attention or applause desperately needed that craved it.
::Unknown
I think that if someone doesn't know what's written on that needle there and they're in danger, wouldn't you say? Because we all we all have something.
::Unknown
Yeah,
::Unknown
Part of your struggle in life was, was God's grace revealing to you some things that were very broken. And hope is he'll he's done the same for me,
::Unknown
man. I would really recommend to our audience, if you can't name what's written on that needle that's in your arm, you need to do a little bit of exploring, you know, with God.
::Unknown
So
::Unknown
in: ::Unknown
Yeah. And you know what? I will say it right here. I'm not shy of saying I hated automotive, really, but I was following a dead man and one to get the dead man's approval.
::Unknown
And that was my dad. And Mark, that is a deep statement. What you just said. You you're following a dead man trying to get a dead man's approval. Yeah. Yeah. How many of us have done that?
::Unknown
And now I get Jesus approval, and I really deeply mean that. So what happened was, I love the people in the industry.
::Unknown
I still do it today. I teach leaders, managers in that industry how to be great leaders. But you know what happens?
::Unknown
What's so fascinating here's this guy has been married before had a bad was a lousy in marriage but today has a marriage a life that I adore. As a matter of fact, if somebody asked me, what do you do for a living,
::Unknown
I probably say, well, first of all, I'm a father and a husband.
::Unknown
That's what I do first. And then I happen to do coaching. But what I find fascinating about helping managers be leaders, usually they're men, not always, but probably 90% is that and I have a three week, three month program I put them through based on John Maxwell's book
::Unknown
Developing the Leader. Yeah, and it's it's so good so rich
::Unknown
but they usually tell me I do group and I also do what I want most of them in the one on one will say you know I got to tell you, I'm a lot nicer to my wife now.
::Unknown
I give my wife the attention she deserves. I don't crusher with my attitude now.
::Unknown
So it's going way beyond just in the workplace. Gosh, yeah. And that's being obedient. Yeah. Yeah. It's listening to what God has to say. Yeah.
::Unknown
When I in 13 learned about Maxwell, I dabbled in it and did sales training and threw his concepts in there.
::Unknown
t have changed everything. In: ::Unknown
and if you don't know what Sober Recovery is, 12 step program based on the principles, the higher power is Jesus Christ, because we all have hurts habits and hang ups, man person.
::Unknown
That's the core. Everybody's got a life issues, right? It's not just for addicts. Only 30% of the people in the program are hips. Although you and I know he's an addict. Everybody's that it's the first page of what I'm going to tell you about it but
::Unknown
in that they couldn't find the room to start that celebrate recovery but got to put it in my heart to start it right, unfortunately got pushed back and they couldn't find the room physically to do it back then.
::Unknown
o lead celebrate recovery. In: ::Unknown
Female basketball coach
::Unknown
he won for Hendricks race crew, who talks about what it means to be a pit crew and NASCAR. Incredible. And
::Unknown
I told him my story and he said that's a book. Now here I am with this low self-esteem. I'm thinking, yeah, yeah, right. Well, I'm not a slow study. My momma said,
::Unknown
I'm going to be a late bloomer.
::Unknown
Talk about self fulfilling. Few years later, I said, Stephen, I'm ready. And Stephen and I collaborated on the book and
::Unknown
her into a book. And that was: ::Unknown
Finally, this year,: ::Unknown
It's early: ::Unknown
But what I realized is they're great personal development stories. Yeah, it's their great leadership stories. Step one I admit Step two came to believe. Step three made a decision. Step four do an inventory.
::Unknown
Are you kidding me? Yeah. And I would have never thought to do this. It was God. It was a still small voice that turned into a shout to do that.
::Unknown
So
::Unknown
the book came out Also, two years ago, Mary and I decided we wanted to try to celebrate recovery again at Cornerstone, and we got leaders together for a year in our house. On every Sunday we put them dinner. We had 14 people in the room. We I told Rick Letterman this story. Rick was a small church pastor at Cornerstone at the time, and he said, you should start a sober record recovery at Cornerstone.
::Unknown
And with Rick's help finding us a room a year ago, we started Sober Recovery at Cornerstone, our anniversary, September 12th. I did my testimony on September 11th last year. Mary did her testimony September 12th this year. Now, Mary doesn't have her habits and hang ups, but Mary is in a very competitive field called commercial real estate. Yeah, she came alongside me because she loves me.
::Unknown
Are you kidding me? She was married to a doctor before she came.
::Unknown
The car salesman left me and said, We're going to start this together. I'm going to do it with you. She came along. I laughed and she said, I don't have any issues. These are yours, but I'm coming along. And she found out she had some stuff she was comparing herself
::Unknown
and that was the thing that she really had to look at.
::Unknown
She actually did have some hers habits as she. Absolutely and came. And what I noticed with God is so funny.
::Unknown
I thought he was bringing me to celebrate recovery so I could change the cornerstone celebrate recovery world. It was about Mary, the women that admire Mary and look at her and and have learned and grown in sober recovery because of her.
::Unknown
It's I can't even tell you how many women have been changed. And I realize,
::Unknown
God, you are funny. You brought me to bring her. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and you guys, just a couple of weeks ago,
::Unknown
you were able to part of that, celebrate recovery. You did. You did something that was was amazing, right? To get to experience witness.
::Unknown
Right.
::Unknown
What was. yeah, we have we do these sort of these socially thank you. And we do these leadership meetings at our home and we still do them. We did them every week for a year, but we do them every month now
::Unknown
I give Mary all the credit for that. She said, Let's have Thanksgiving and let's have baptisms.
::Unknown
Yeah. And we had three people get baptized in our hot tub. I got to lead that and it's
::Unknown
again, me come all a wretch like me. Yeah, it's got to be God. It's just savory people to use, isn't it? Isn't it?
::Unknown
Yeah. You know, I heard someone once say that if you really the people, if you look in history and in the Bible, the people that God uses in a powerful way are people that were crushed.
::Unknown
Yeah. And, and the crushing might be someone else doing it to us. A lot of times it's our own doing. Yeah. yeah,
::Unknown
In fact, I've said before, I can actually sit down at a if I'm, if we're going to sit down one on one at a meal and you have a conversation with somebody for about 30 minutes, you can kind of tell if they've gone through their crushing.
::Unknown
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Because we'll all have them. You live long enough. Yes. You can tell if someone's gone through their question.
::Unknown
I think there's a very evidence sitting here with you, Bart, that you've had a couple of crushes, even the the tears of the world. We're all wired a little differently. But.
::Unknown
I can just see your gratitude toward God and where he's brought you and what he's brought you out of.
::Unknown
And, you know, I heard Brett say this a lot, my friend Brant Hatchett, which has been who's been on your show. And it's about being obedient. Yeah. I hear the
::Unknown
people that I know that aren't necessarily don't know if they're even believers, but they're talking about being obedient. And I know I would not be here and I wouldn't be anywhere if I wasn't obedient.
::Unknown
Yeah, I was obedient to the book. I didn't want to do that. I was obedient to celebrate recovery. I didn't want to do that. I've been obedient to being the best I can be in my marriage. And I have slipped and slid and all that, but I know how important that is. There's two things that have happened in my life that are real evident.
::Unknown
One is I hated addiction when I hated the the sexual integrity piece just hated it with everything I changed. It took a while, but I had the hate it the same thing in terms of my behavior that might sad and sabotage. I have to hate it
::Unknown
when I hate the behavior. I'll do anything possible to get to the other side of it.
::Unknown
And that's where the growth has come from.
::Unknown
One thing I want to just bring up, I live by what I call the laws of transformation. And the laws of transformation are number. Who am I knowing ourselves deeply? You mentioned that earlier. We've got to know what's written on that needle. Yeah. And we've got to know who we are and where we are.
::Unknown
It's imperative and I do that in my coaching. I start with that. Let's get to know who you are deeply. I've spent a lifetime doing that. The next piece is What do we want in? I, I hope I'm saying, God, where you want me, right? The next piece too, is why do we want it? In asking God? Why God?
::Unknown
Why do you want me? There is. Okay, you might. We might not hear it, but it's okay to ask. And then the next part is what am I doing to get in the way? What am I doing that sabotage us? I have to know that. So where am I? What do I want? And I'm bringing God into all this.
::Unknown
Why? And what am I doing to sabotage? But
::Unknown
: ::Unknown
I love that scripture because what it forced me to do is God, where am I with you?
::Unknown
I just got, where do you want me open? Just completely open. Yes, yes. And I want to I want to have that relationship with God. And I believe in that. I do. I, I tried to spend a lot of time with God.
::Unknown
God, how am I doing? What am I doing here? Where do you want me? What am I doing to get in the way of our relationship?
::Unknown
And I constantly want to ask God those questions. Yeah, because
::Unknown
this season where I am. Who knows, right? I mean, I'm not younger, I'm older. Who knows how long you have, how much runway, right? Right. We're all there. There's so much I want to accomplish,
::Unknown
but I want I just want to make sure it's what he wants me to accomplish.
::Unknown
It's not boats and planes and cars, although I'd be nice, but that's not it. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, it's what? Where he wants me to accomplish
::Unknown
in this moment. But what I realized was, hey, the reason I didn't have that Tony Robbins success or, you know, written 20 books was because I wasn't ready for it. Yeah. If I had had that kind of praise is
::Unknown
narcissistic, Bart would not have been able to handle it.
::Unknown
I would have died. I would have. I would have killed it. Yeah. And he's given me enough. Just enough to use me in the way he needs to use me without me flying off and going the other direction. Yeah,
::Unknown
but I tell you, just sitting here with you and hearing you explain, first of all,
::Unknown
it's clear what a great coach you would be.
::Unknown
You bring so much energy and passion.
::Unknown
I mean, part of that passion is just your own life, right? How you seen your own life transformed and you want to see that in other people's lives.
::Unknown
In our last moments here, though, in our last minutes here, the book, they can see it there. But keep the change. Love the title of that, using the 12 Steps to become a better leader in every area of life.
::Unknown
Give me one example. Grab one of those 12 steps and talk about how does that help, not just somebody in their business world, but in their personal life. How would that help me?
::Unknown
Years ago, I thought a great sermon series in a church would be to actually preach you to 12 stone man. I mean, it is a great because they apply to every human being, not just someone with a chemical addiction.
::Unknown
So. So here's an example. Grab one of the any one you want and I will do a little plug For me. That's my vision that I believe God's taking me next year is to speak at churches and talk about the story, but also the 12 steps and how they come together in a road beautiful to walk side by side with him.
::Unknown
I think it all always goes back very simply. The step one. If you and I can't admit, Yeah, if we're in denial, we're on that. And denial, of course, is not a river in Egypt yet. If we're in denial, if we don't see, if we if we don't if we've got blind spots until we get through the clarity and admit we can't move to two, three, four and all the way down.
::Unknown
Yeah. And I think admission is everything. And I've prayed every day. It's the prayer. God reveal my blind spot. Yeah. Reveal those things that get in my way of my relationship with you. Yeah. And when that happens, that just. It just. I get this feeling. The spirits just envelop me. If that's a word surrounding me and in me and I'm again walking in that day by day, moment by moment.
::Unknown
Now let's be real. I'm a human. I have a master's and stupidity and a doctor dumb. So I tend to sometimes follow that. But here's the difference between then and now.
::Unknown
I don't stay there before I'd stay for months and sometimes years. Now it's moments and it's because of that relationship. I know exactly what to do in that moment.
::Unknown
God, you reveal the blind spot. I've gone off the wrong way. Jesus helped me.
::Unknown
And in that and you know, I turn and you know, you're always running back to God with open arms, right? That's like, that's the beautiful thing about it. That was what helped me to learn to keep shorter accounts. That's what I tell people. Similar to what you say, I go,
::Unknown
I think the only difference between the younger Pat and the older Pat in some ways is I run the God a lot quicker than I used to when I made a mistake.
::Unknown
When I make mistakes because I still make them. But it was understanding I'm never running to a God who has his arms folded. This just waiting to to punish me. He's got his arms open. What saying? Welcome back, son. Yes, right.
::Unknown
And you've and you definitely learn that and understand that. Yeah. How do people get a hold of you?
::Unknown
How do they connect with you? I would love you know, again, you were talking about how you want to speak on stages. If people have ways to leverage that, because your story is a powerful story with coaching with the book, tell us how to get it connected to you.
::Unknown
Well, I've got Barton Bloomberg.com, also John Maxwell Group dot com Ford's Live Spartan online burger that shows what I'm doing with them to get the book.
::Unknown
You go to keep the change book dawg. It is not available on the big eight yet, but it will be on there soon. Okay but right now it's Keep the Change book Dawg is where you get the book. I'm on Facebook at Barton Ellenberger Burger. I'm on Instagram up our Nolan Burger and on LinkedIn Abad Nolan Burger and
::Unknown
YouTube on bars.
::Unknown
Do you still do coaching like if you ever wanted to reach out? Yeah, absolutely. That is
::Unknown
where I think I've got 16 coaching clients this month. And yes, I'm going to one right now. I do deep coaching with people. It's where my passion comes from. It's where the connection comes from. It's where God is using me.
::Unknown
I love doing coaching.
::Unknown
I highly recommend coaching for High Go. You
::Unknown
know, some people are maybe dealing with some really, really traumatic, difficult thing. They need to go into deep therapy to do that. But I say everybody should go find a coach of some kind that it just going to someone's going to help you get further in life faster than you might have.
::Unknown
On Zach Ray.
::Unknown
Therapy is going backwards. A good therapist. That's great questions, right?
::Unknown
A good coach does that too. And teach coach leaders how to be coaches when you can ask questions. There's a wise saying that said a man or woman convinced against their will is of the same opinions still. And when you and I direct somebody to do something, they're probably not getting it.
::Unknown
But when we ask questions and they come from it, from their unconscious, their conscious and come up with the answer themselves, then they can own that. Yeah. And
::Unknown
man, that's what I get to do for a living and coaching and what I get to do in recovery as well. So it's I'm, I'm absolutely a fan. It's been talking about today and the future, not just the past.
::Unknown
Yeah, yeah. That's so powerful
::Unknown
that if people are listening and watching this they couldn't see me. I was smiling. Really? You were just saying that because I always have carried around a little notebook that I take notes in. And I was thinking, Man, if I spent much time with Bart, I'd be filling that notebook up. Let me just drop these little nuggets of truth.
::Unknown
A lot of them so really valuable. I can tell that you'd be a great coach. Well,
::Unknown
Bart, one of the fun ways that we finish every one of our podcast is we do two Truths in a Lie. And it's ironic because we call this no gray areas. I'm asking the lie, but
::Unknown
the audience has heard you for about 45 minutes to an hour now.
::Unknown
I've been listening to you. See if you can stump us and we'll get to know you a little bit better. So give us three statements. Two of them we choose one to be like, I got to guess the. Okay,
::Unknown
so I was a used car salesman for about 20 years
::Unknown
in the automobile business for 40 years. And a used car salesman and had my own used car dealership.
::Unknown
ined the John Maxwell team in: ::Unknown
Okay. The last ones. True, because I read your bio. I cheated on that one. I You have that one. I didn't know you did the risk assessment too, though. I mean, those are so those personality. It's so, so good
::Unknown
we start doing that with our kids when they were in high school. It just help them figure out like how when God you're fearfully and wonderfully made, so start identifying how did God made you so?
::Unknown
I highly recommend people grab numerous different personalities and look into, but you do that as well. Okay,
::Unknown
so I got that one, your first one. I know you've been doing the car sales thing. I'm going to say the middle one's a lie because if you got ten kids, you got to have more than five grandkids. Yeah, and there's a little truth to that.
::Unknown
I might have brought that up earlier. But the reality is we've got
::Unknown
again, Mary has six. I have four. We have ten. And when we go out to dinner, there's 35 chairs that need to be at the table because of spouses and Kelly is get us.
::Unknown
And so we actually are one of Mary's daughters is having a baby said that she he it's like he should be here January and that'll give us 12 congrats So we are more than blessed congrats I have my seventh grandchild coming in April.
::Unknown
That's so that's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't the grandchildren. There's a whole nother level like you. You can't explain to someone till they get there. Like there's something there. It's one of the most beautiful and gifts from God, and it's fun to do it. Young, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's like that for you. That know, man, they keep young.
::Unknown
It's they do. It's a go. It's so beautiful. And I think
::Unknown
I often tell people, I think one of the things that's beautiful about it is the things that I got so uptight and worried about as a parent. After you live some years, you go on script, big of a deal. They're having a bad day. I have bad days like, you know,
::Unknown
God, I can end up in prison because they didn't want to eat their meal tonight.
::Unknown
Yeah, I mean, again, so interesting that God doesn't always do what we want. He does what he needs us to do, just grow us to be. We need to be
::Unknown
men. I never thought I would have 12 grandkids. Are you kidding me? But as I said, when I'm sitting in the backyard and look at the Amazing Grace, these aren't things I.
::Unknown
I deserve their his amazing grace. I wouldn't change anything. I would change nothing about my life. That's how I have a life of peace today.
::Unknown
Yeah. Thank you, Jesus. Love your attitude of gratitude that just oozes out of you, my friend. All right, Well, thank you both for being on here. Appreciate what you're doing and the impact that you're making.
::Unknown
The lives are being transformed. So keep at it, my friend. You know what's so cool? We get to know each other, and you're going to be on my podcast. Keep the change to you. And I got to. I'm so glad we get to know each other. That's that's the gift of doing this, isn't it? It is tedious. Good.
::Unknown
Thank you. Thank you. Bye. You
::Unknown
As we wrap up this profoundly inspiring episode with BART, we hope you are reminded that transformation is a journey, not a destination. And Bart Story is a testament to the strength that lies within us to overcome even the darkest of challenges. Thank you for joining us today on the No Gray Areas podcast. And if you found this episode moving, be sure to like, share and subscribe.
::Unknown
Stay tuned for more enriching conversations that challenge inspire and uplift. See you next time. No grey areas.
