Let's Get Messy - The Sad Truth About Foster Programs | Ep. 30 with Kim Vehon
If your life is always neat, orderly, and completely predictable this is not the podcast episode for you. However, if your life is often 'messy', it will be well worth your time as Kim Vehon, Founder and CEO of Foster Arizona, shares how we can live a life of impact.
To learn more about Foster Arizona and how to get involved, visit https://fosterarizona.org/
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Transcript
Host
You're listening to the No Grey Areas podcast with Patrick McCalla. Today's guest is Kim Vihon, founder and CEO of Foster Arizona and Foster Arizona Housing Project. Kim encourages us to get out of our comfort zone, get messy and make an impact.
::Host
Let's dove in.
::Patrick McCalla
Kim Vehon, thank you so much for being here on the No Gray Areas podcast. I need to start by apologizing to the audience because you and I started talking about half an hour ago and it was so exciting, and every every time we'd go in a direction, I'd be like, Oh, we need this, we need to be
::Patrick McCalla
recording this. And so an audience, I apologize. You missed out on 30 minutes of great conversation. We'll see if we can recreate some of it. So, Kim, you and I met, I think it was two months ago or three months ago, someone introduced us to a mutual friend, introduced us, Patti Wyatt.
::Patrick McCalla
Yes. And you are involved in some amazing stuff. So, so, so tell us what you run the organization that you run.
::Kim Vehon
Yes. So I run Foster Arizona is an organization that's been around for eight and a half years, and I also run. Foster is on a housing project. It's a branch off from Foster's on. Our mission over at Foster is on is to educate, encourage and empower Arizonans to positively impact the lives of kids in foster care.
::Kim Vehon
And we knew that clearly.
::Patrick McCalla
Said that a few times.
::Kim Vehon
I have said.
::Patrick McCalla
That just that's a mouthful. And you just, yeah, OK.
::Kim Vehon
But Foster is on a housing project. Our desire was to expand that and really reach out to the young adults that are transitioning out of foster care because there's such a gap space when it comes to those young adults as they're trying to find their way in the world and throw that label of foster care behind them
::Kim Vehon
and really take on with the world, ask for them as they transition to adults.
::Patrick McCalla
And when you talk about transitioning, there's another phrase that you'll hear sometimes I don't know if that's not a good phrase to you, but you hear aging out. And when we first met, there was a couple of individuals that were sitting in that meeting with us, and that just blew them away.
::Patrick McCalla
They'd never heard of that phrase, like aging out. What does that mean? And probably a lot of our audience doesn't know that if you're in the foster system and you haven't been adopted, that you're 18 and you're also enrolling in a life with a lot of times very little support system.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. And I think the thing is is in Arizona, they can be an extended foster care until their 21st birthday. And so there is a certain amount of support that they get from organizations like myself or organizations like Keys to Success, which are partners with us, as well as they get stipends from my Department of Child Safety
::Kim Vehon
. But the biggest challenge comes down to it's not financial and a lot of the conversations I'm in with people, they think, Oh, we just need to throw more money at them. No, the gap space that makes the most critical impact is actually social.
::Kim Vehon
It's community. It's this disconnect from the things that they haven't learned and the life skill space that they haven't learned because they haven't grown up or been able to be in a family type setting and have all of these regular experiences like you and I have that allow us to learn from other people.
::Kim Vehon
And we know that as human beings, that's what we do. We learn from each other. And so there's.
::Patrick McCalla
Just this special family, right? And a family especially is where you learn a lot of these life skills.
::Kim Vehon
Absolutely. And a lot of the young adults who come into our program are coming from group homes. And so they have staff and staff can change over quite a bit. And you have staff this in the morning and staff in the afternoon or the night times.
::Kim Vehon
And it is not the same to have a relationship with someone who has a paycheck as it is to have a relationship with someone that you've organically made in the community. And so we see that gap in their trust gap in the way they connect to the community.
::Kim Vehon
We see them have very little connections in the community. And so what we look at is when they turn 21, a lot of things just turn completely off for them. What do they need to be able to make that bridge in a way that they are not isolated and alone, and they have supports and people who can
::Kim Vehon
continue to lift them up when they have challenges?
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah. You know, you bring up life skills. We had a we had a young man that came into our home. He was probably in his early twenties. If he happens to be listening to this, I got to tell you, Andrew, I'm so stinkin proud of you.
::Patrick McCalla
Like what he's doing now with his life. But but I learned that that you automatically since we didn't foster care when we had some kids that lived with us on and off. So I guess we did it in a roundabout way, but it was an official foster care.
::Patrick McCalla
But here's what I realize that my wife and I just naturally have like, Oh, at 14, this is what they should know. At 16, this is what they should know. And when you take in someone who didn't learn those life skills, you can get really frustrated because you're like, you're a 19 year old, how can you not
::Patrick McCalla
? And you realize, well, because they never learned it never were taught that. Which I suppose is a lot of the education you do for parents that are going to foster, right?
::Kim Vehon
Well, and we do some education when it comes to foster cooperative in our work with our trainings with parents, and we focus a lot on practical applications. So like, I got a chance to teach one of our trainings and I taught them, How do you get young adults from here to there and teach them how to help
::Kim Vehon
them dream, but then help them to find reality and design that path to get there? And so we try to encourage them on being active participation have having active participation in. The young adults lives and teaching them alongside, and I think the challenge comes down to like when we're working with young adults, we're working on very basic
::Kim Vehon
thought spaces because the more we can even allow them to grab hold of how you go about in the thought process because they haven't had to think a lot for themselves, right? When you're out with a family dynamic, there's a lot more ways that you're interacting in spaces that allow you to have critical thinking that's developed and
::Kim Vehon
we see a gap space in that. So they're like, I know where I want to go, but I'm not really sure how I'm going to get there because I haven't been able to put that critical thinking spot in place of, OK, this is what I do, and this is how I reach out.
::Kim Vehon
And even when they are trying to critically think through it, a lot of the times they're not thinking about, Oh, I'll call so-and-so.
::Patrick McCalla
Which I because there is no, I'll call so-and-so, right?
::Kim Vehon
They're not connected to the so-and-so's.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah, which is huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. And I think that that's the big thing is, yes, there's this gap space, which we're actually trying to work on in collaboration with about 20 different organizations and working with the Department of Child Safety, as well as one of our board members of creating a judicial checklist that actually makes it so that the Department of Child
::Kim Vehon
Safety is letting the judge know these are the things that they've had at the age of 14. These are things I've done at the age of 15, 16, 17, and that way we're having a better track of making sure they're getting what they need before they're getting to the age of 18.
::Kim Vehon
And so we are trying to do exactly what you're talking about with the checklist. Mm-Hmm. But the challenge is most parents aren't operating off of a checklist. Most parents are just doing life on life with kids. Yeah, and they're learning these spaces because of that relationship.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. So unfortunately, we're looking at checklists because there's that gap that's being very made very clear by what we're seeing as they're getting to 18.
::Patrick McCalla
Well, let me pause really quick and just talk to the audience for a second. Just say if they're if they're sitting, if they're listening, they're going well. I don't know if this really connects with me or if it or find it, you do.
::Patrick McCalla
Because from cover to cover in the Bible, we see God's heart is for the widow and the orphan. And that's a phrase that's used in it. That time, the widow and the orphan were the most vulnerable. So what we see from cover to cover in the Bible is it God's heart beats for the most vulnerable?
::Patrick McCalla
we rescued, we'd like to see: ::Patrick McCalla
Yeah, well, you start, you do what you're doing and what your organization is doing. You're actually helping many of these kids who might be very vulnerable to human trafficking, maybe not ever go into that. Well, I mean, and that's just one of many things.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. And I think that's the thing is if you look at the connection with foster care, it's not just human trafficking, it's homelessness. Yeah, it's the prison systems, it's the young parents that are getting on welfare. It's actually them going back into child safety and the repeat of abuse and neglect that's taking place.
::Kim Vehon
If you want to see something different in society, you've got to go down saying, How can I make an impact on a life and stop the cycle that is perpetuated because of their lack of connection to community?
::Patrick McCalla
Now, Kim, can I ask you to be just a little more passionate about this? So too like you got to talk like you care about this? I was. I'm sarcastic because I know you are, and I love that.
::Patrick McCalla
I love that about you. So let's let's actually find out that. So back up, you said you. You started this about nine years ago. Why did you start this? It clearly was not because you were bored, because you have you have seven kids.
::Patrick McCalla
Like, we found that out, but that was part of this process.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. And so at the time, I actually was a foster parent and we had gone to court and we found out I had two kiddos that were in my care at the time that were still in foster care, and we had found out that their parental rights were going to be severed and that we were going to
::Kim Vehon
be adopting them. And my husband was adamant. He's like, You have a minivan that is as big as we're going to get. That makes five kids because I was having another baby at that time. And he goes, You're done.
::Patrick McCalla
So that was your third.
::Kim Vehon
That was my third birth child. And I had two that we were going to be Adobe and.
::Patrick McCalla
That's all they can fit in a minivan.
::Kim Vehon
And that's it. And he's like, And that's what the slim fit car seat. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And because is your absolute capacity. And so I was driving in my car and I'd been working in the churches at this point, probably seven, eight, nine years.
::Kim Vehon
And I was a part of telling stories, and I knew that was something I could do. And I knew I knew a lot of people who told stories that I could bring in and say, Hey, they could help me with this.
::Kim Vehon
So I was driving in my car and I'm like, That's what I'm going to do. I am going to expand my reach and not leave these kids behind. Because for me, the idea of saying I've done my part and walking away was inconceivable.
::Kim Vehon
That wasn't even something that I could imagine doing because I knew what foster care look like. I had experienced it. And so the foster Arizona idea actually never started as this idea to start an organization. It literally was just, I'm going to make some videos and I'm going to get more people to get involved because if I
::Kim Vehon
tell their stories, they're going to care too. And that's where it came from.
::Patrick McCalla
And we were talking about this is one of the things I apologize for because I wasn't. If we are going to get it in here, we had so much great conversation right before we turn the mikes on, but if you you told me you like if I would have known where all this was going to lead to
::Patrick McCalla
, I don't know that I would have jumped into it. I thought it was just going to start making videos. Isn't that how God often works?
::Kim Vehon
Oh man, all the time. And I think that it's because God knows that sometimes you know it says a whole light one step at a time, he'll light our path. Yeah. If he lit the whole path up for us, some of you out there might be like, Oh my gosh, I would be so excited.
::Kim Vehon
I wish I would just show me the whole way. But I think for so many of us, we'd be overwhelmed and we'd say, there's no way God that I'm going to get from here to there because it's too big.
::Kim Vehon
And I think that that's the beauty of God showing us, this is what I want from you today. Yeah, because that's all we have to worry about is being faithful to what God calls us to today. It's not about tomorrow.
::Kim Vehon
And one of my favorite quotes is How do you eat an elephant one bite at a time? Because that's what I'm called to do today is just start taking some bites.
::Patrick McCalla
And I'm sure you have to deal with this in your own life, with your team that you have. But there's that whole fallacy in thinking, too, that if I can't do everything, I can't do anything. And I'm sure you feel overwhelmed so often because you're doing this, you're trying to collaborate, you're actually working well with other states
::Patrick McCalla
now. But the need is so great that sometimes you could just get overwhelmed. You're like, Well, I can't solve the problem, but like you're saying, just do a guy called you to do today.
::Kim Vehon
You know? And the thing is, I wish I could say that I had that all figured out and that I don't have those days where I'm like, What in the world am I doing? But I'd be lying. Yeah, because there are days that I sit back and I go, What in the world am I doing in my
::Kim Vehon
even making an impact? Because when you are in the mess of things and foster care is a mess.
::Patrick McCalla
And one of the messiest things you can deal with, isn't it?
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, it is so incredibly messy. And I think when you're in the mess of things, sometimes you get overwhelmed by the mess. Mm-Hmm. And sometimes you have to turn back and say, OK, God, wash the mess off of me.
::Kim Vehon
Refocus my heart in my life and let me see what it is that you want me to do right now. Yeah. And then the thing that I love is that God and his sweetness, he usually finds a way to bring back the hope and the joy in what you're doing.
::Kim Vehon
Sometimes it's through I've had a crap day where everything seems to be blowing up, and I have this young adult walk through the door and they tell me something that changed their life. Yeah. And I look at that and I'm like, that is a gift.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, because sometimes in our life, we never even get to see the impact that we get to make. But I think through the sweetness of God, there are those moments where you get discouraged and it feels so much that you can't handle it.
::Kim Vehon
He has a way of giving you that just the right amount of encouragement you need to get you to take that next step.
::Patrick McCalla
Can you think of a time where that happened to you like a specific time?
::Kim Vehon
I can think of two different spaces, one a very discouraging moment for me that took place actually in January. We had a young adult in our program who really struggled with substance use has gone through hell on Earth.
::Kim Vehon
Mm-Hmm. And we tried and we tried and we tried to resource him and got to a point where we're like, You can't stay here. And. We gave him another resource and helped him get into that resource, and he chose to walk away from it.
::Kim Vehon
And he came back to our program while he was leaving and he said, you know. If I don't see you again, it's because I'm dead. Mm-Hmm. And he goes, but I want you to understand that this is the first place I ever felt loved.
::Patrick McCalla
Wow.
::Kim Vehon
And his story has haunted me in so many different aspects, and I will say that his story is also motivated me. A lot of the things we're doing, like creating twelve step and and trying to get counseling resources inside our doors is because of him.
::Kim Vehon
Mm-Hmm. And because of that space of just so desperately wishing that we would have been able to do more. And in January, he was on my heart, as he often is, and I was like, I'm just going to Google him.
::Kim Vehon
I'm just going to see where he is. And as I googled him, I found out that he. Had drove in Phenix under the influence and hit and killed someone. And I found myself in a space of desperate. Just a desperate place where I said, God, I don't understand.
::Kim Vehon
And God brought a peace to me, saying his story is not over. Hmm. You know, and I sat in that for days, I cried and tried to figure out what is that look like for me? And here came another young adult through our door.
::Kim Vehon
And they wrote an extension letter about what the first year in our program meant to them, and they shared with me that they were talking with their friend. And they said, dude, you just need to define reality. And those words that we have been pouring into him over and over again and helping him be able to create
::Kim Vehon
a space where he's ready to change has been taking an impact in his life. And even a volunteer who came and saw this young man, probably four months ago, goes, I don't know what happened to him. He's different.
::Kim Vehon
Hmm. And so I think that's the space where I see both sides and this side can discourage me and her and break my heart to be honest and also motivate me. But then I see this other space where God's allowing me to see the fruits and allowing me to see that those who are ready, that he's opening
::Kim Vehon
up their hearts and he's allowing them to feel love and he's allowing them to feel hope.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah. You know, Kim, what I love about that story, too that you're telling is you, you stepped into the muck and mire this world in the brokenness of the world in what you felt God was calling you to do.
::Patrick McCalla
Not understanding where that path was going to take you right? You thought you were to make some videos, right? And here you are nine years later. But I think you probably understand better what it means when you talk when we read about Jesus being a man of sorrows.
::Patrick McCalla
Mm-Hmm. Because when he wade in the muck, admire this world and lived in among it, you know, he had those times where he saw, like this young man, that you start seeing that shift in that change and you're like, Oh, hmm.
::Patrick McCalla
But he also saw these ones that walked away. Yeah. It kept doing things that were hurting their life. And so I'm sure you understand that better than you did even nine years ago about what it means to be what it means when Jesus said he was a man of sorrows.
::Patrick McCalla
Right?
::Kim Vehon
So funny that you talk about that because the last couple of weeks my brain has been stuck on the passage, Jesus wept. Mm hmm. It's been stuck on that because so often people say it's because Jesus felt sadness for the passing of his dear friend.
::Kim Vehon
And I've been processing that going, I don't think that's true because Jesus knew that moments later he was going to raise it from the dead, and he knew that there is a real mess of heaven and this relationship with God.
::Kim Vehon
And I think that Jesus wept for us because he knows the pain that we're experiencing on this side of Earth, and he wishes it could go away.
::Patrick McCalla
He knows it wasn't meant to be this way, right? And it's not going to be this way someday. But for now.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. And I think that that's the space is if you're not willing to step into the muck with people. How can you have compassion like Jesus? Yeah, because people tell me my husband actually says, it's me, he's like, You can't cry over everybody.
::Kim Vehon
And I say, they deserve to have somebody who wants to love them enough to cry for them. Yeah. And I look at that Jesus loved people enough to cry for them. Yeah. Even though he knew it was going to be OK on the back end.
::Patrick McCalla
Wow, that's powerful, you know?
::Kim Vehon
And I mean, that's what God's been speaking into my heart. Yeah. Is. That that weeping for others over compassion.
::Patrick McCalla
That is a great insight because I've processed that too. And you know, again, it says he wept, which in the English Bible is one of the shortest versus what is packed full of meaning. Yeah, but he's he's not missing.
::Patrick McCalla
He knows he's about to come out of that tomb. Hmm. It's not why he's crying. So that's such a great insight that you have there. So, OK, talk to talk to some in the audience right now. There may be a little nervous because they're hearing you.
::Patrick McCalla
You talk about your journey and they're going, and I'd like to help with the foster cause. But I do not want to be where she ended up nine years later with seven kids. I can't fit them in a minivan anymore.
::Patrick McCalla
And because again, I think God has called all people to help with the most vulnerable and may look different when he's calling them. But what would you say then to some of those people are like, I don't want to take this step because I don't want to end up where Kim is.
::Kim Vehon
So the first thing I think it depends on who you're talking to because we don't just work with believers. Mm-Hmm. And I would say, if you are feeling lead in whether you're believers or not, if you're feeling led to do something, take a step.
::Kim Vehon
You know, it doesn't matter what that step is. Now, if I'm talking to believers, it's a completely different story because you were called to take up your cross and follow after Jesus. And it doesn't mean that you're going to look the same, but it means that you're sacrificing something.
::Kim Vehon
And so for me, it looks like I have seven kids, which actually there is sacrifice that comes with that, but the blessings far exceed the sacrifice. What is it if you're not doing foster care? What is it in your life that you are sacrificially living in a way that's not in a comfort zone, that's choosing to get
::Kim Vehon
in the muck and the mire of the world? Because that's where you found Jesus. It wasn't in a comfortable house, it was in the muck and the mire, and you can do that in so many different ways. I have found a passion for going and doing celebrate recovery at casts and being a part of the homeless C.R.
::Kim Vehon
that's taking place there. It's not foster care, but I tell you what, it's messy, and it's me showing up for one day, like you don't have to be in it every single day, like I choose to be. But you have to be in it if you're going to call yourself a follower after Jesus.
::Kim Vehon
I truly believe that you have to find a way. To take up your cross and follow after him in a sacrificial way that impacts the lives of the least of these. Yeah.
::Patrick McCalla
And you even said so if there's someone who's listening who's just going, I'm not well, I'm not a believer in God, but what I feel like. I want to do something you would say to them 100%.
::Kim Vehon
We have people who are followers after Jesus, people who are not. We partner with all different people, all different spaces and places. And I will tell you, I have met some of the most amazing people in the work that I get to do.
::Kim Vehon
Mm-Hmm. And the thing is, if you have a heart to make an impact, you have a space to make an impact.
::Patrick McCalla
Say that again, because that's good.
::Kim Vehon
If you haven't, hearts make an impact. You have a space to make an impact. Because I will tell you what, it can be folding clothes. It can be put together food boxes because there are families who are taking on kids as kinship that are getting very little support and they need help.
::Kim Vehon
They don't have enough housing, they don't have food, they're not getting the financial resources that foster parents are getting. And you have the ability to step into that need and meaningful ways just by putting boxes of food together.
::Kim Vehon
You can come out. We have such a need for mentors to step in and help young adults. Open bank accounts and be able to get their IDs and be able to get glasses. I mean, just the simple.
::Patrick McCalla
Basic learning some of these life skills that they didn't learn.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, find out. Because I mean, think about as an adult how overwhelming life can be. Now imagine that you're out there and you don't have somebody to call to tell you how to walk through it. Yeah, you can be that in someone's life.
::Kim Vehon
You can choose to step in as a court appointed special advocate and advocate for kids that are in foster care. And I think they require two times a month that you meet with the kids. There are so many ways that you can choose to get involved, and I always tell people, if it's not foster care, I guarantee
::Kim Vehon
if it's another area in the community, you're still impacting the same group I am because that touches all these different areas.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah, for sure. So, so seven kids twelve to.
::Kim Vehon
six to twelve.
::Patrick McCalla
six to twelve. So. So can you. Can you name all the ages? Because if it goes six to twelve, it's probably 66, 78, something like that, right?
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. So I have a six year old to seven year olds and nine year old to eleven year olds and a twelve year old.
::Patrick McCalla
Wow. Oh my goodness. But when you when you and your husband said yes to this, you brought your kids, the three kids that you, you brought them into it. And at the time, we had foster. Yeah. And then you brought the first few that you fostered.
::Patrick McCalla
You brought them into it as well. So that's part of this life journey that we do too, isn't it? This this crazy, messy life journey we do every time we say yes, we're bringing someone else along with us on that, not just the ones we're helping.
::Patrick McCalla
Maybe.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. And I think sometimes there's guilt that comes with that because you're making a choice to step into the hard. But as an individual who's making a choice step in the hard, I'm also making that choice for my kids.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah, because they were too young to for you to sit down with them and say, What do you think?
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, at the time I had a three year old and then my Annalise was 20 months old when. And so that was the thing is we had signed up. We were thinking, we're going to bring a baby in our home.
::Kim Vehon
I'm like, Well, zero to one. Well, I was never thinking 17 months old is one. Yeah. And so I had went from having the two to having almost like twins. My two that are now eleven words are they are three months apart.
::Kim Vehon
And so we stepped in to not just, Oh, I'm going to bring a baby home, but I'm going to bring a kiddo home that had a lot of challenging behaviors. Mm-Hmm. And we're going to maneuver through this space together, and I remember my kiddo telling me he's got to go.
::Kim Vehon
I mean, she was three, and she was adamant. She's like, You get him out of my house. And I said, Where would you like him to go? I don't know what. Where would you go if I told you to get out of my house with my uncle, Dustin?
::Kim Vehon
OK, but he doesn't have an uncle, Dustin. So what do you want me to do? And having to teach them the space of compassion and empathy for another human being has been a gift. But also watching them go through the the trials and the challenges that come with trauma has been a space of going.
::Kim Vehon
I have guilt for that.
::Patrick McCalla
Because they if they would have, they would not have had to deal with trauma. Except that you brought a kid into the home that had to do with trauma, so now they are having personal trauma.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, and their secondary trauma that comes from that. Mm-Hmm. But then I have to believe that God tells us the character is built through iron sharpening iron. It's through the space of friction and conflict. So at the end of the day, I pray for my kids on a regular basis, and at the end of the day, I
::Kim Vehon
have to believe that God, because I know he ordained us to bring salmon to my home. I believe that with my full heart, and I believe that he also brought every other kid with us. I had four miscarriages before I had my first child and I adopted four, and I do not believe that's a coincidence.
::Kim Vehon
I believe that it was a part of God's plan all along. Yeah. But with that, I have to believe that he has a purpose for every piece of this story. Yeah. And that he is going to use this to make my children warriors.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. And so I think that that is a real space, though, is understanding like you as a parent have made the decision for your children. And I will tell you, my kids say they wouldn't change that, but they don't know life any different.
::Patrick McCalla
You know this this theme we could almost maybe we title this podcast. That messy is a word that keeps coming up. It's just it's to, you know, every time you say yes, every time you move in it, it life gets messy.
::Patrick McCalla
It's in, but that's part of it. Like again, being two people from a faith based perspective, Jesus never promised that things were going to be easy. No. In fact, he goes out of his way to say, Understand this if you if you follow me, it's going to cost you everything.
::Patrick McCalla
I mean, he went out of his way to tell us that. And it's not just with Foster. It could be whatever God is calling you to do, but it's messy, isn't it?
::Kim Vehon
I 100% think it is. And if it's not, if you're not experiencing mass in your life, I would just encourage you to spend some time thinking. Are you opening yourself up? To something outside of your comfort zone. Are you opening yourself up to what God has planned for you?
::Kim Vehon
I remember I was reading a book by David Platt and it was a game changer for me, they said. To follow after Jesus means that you lay everything in the flood zone. And you ask God to break the dam and wash away whatever it is he wants to wash away.
::Kim Vehon
Are you choosing to live your life in a way that says God, anything I have anything I own is yours. And I will whatever you choose to wash away or whatever you choose to bring to me. I will choose to take that and multiply it.
::Kim Vehon
Mm hmm. You know, and I constantly go back to that parable of the talents too. Am I using my life to multiply what God's asked me to do with it? And so I think I can't speak to what anyone else's journey is.
::Kim Vehon
I just know what God has led me to do. But I do know that God has a journey for you. And if you are actively seeking him and asking him to take you out of your comfort zone, asking him to bring the best in your life because I truly believe it's another thing that I've really been practicing
::Kim Vehon
lately. What moments in my own life am I exchanging good for great? What moments in our life are we taking and choosing the good and the comfort and losing out on the greatness that God designed us for? Yeah, simply because we haven't said God, I'm willing.
::Patrick McCalla
Well, and that goes to when you were talking about putting it in the flood zone with David Platt, right? Is that what you said? Yeah. Putting in the flood zone, letting God wash it away. There will be a grieving process because we will lose some things in our lives and will there'll be a grieving process?
::Patrick McCalla
But anybody who's followed through with that also understands that you just move from good to great in that, didn't you? So there's grieving. That's the messy part. But there's also the other side where you realize this. I could never have dreamed that it.
::Patrick McCalla
It would be like this.
::Kim Vehon
You know, and we teach our young adults this is something that Chad Moore and Scott write out. When I was on staff at Sun Valley taught me and I've been able to adapt it. Yeah, but they taught me to dream of a preferred future.
::Kim Vehon
And in order to get that preferred future, you've got to define reality, I tell her young adults all the time. It can't be what you think reality is. You have to be incredibly real with yourself and others. What does it look like?
::Kim Vehon
And then you design this path to get from here to there, but you cannot get from here to there without sacrifice. There is nothing in your life that you will ever accomplish and move forward that you're not going to have to give up something else.
::Kim Vehon
And I think that when you talk about that grieving process, the pain of where you are has to be great enough that you're willing to take on the pain of where you want to go. And so for me with Foster's owner, the pain of where I was was, I can't walk away.
::Kim Vehon
I hurt. I emotionally. Everything inside of me hurt at the idea of leaving kids behind. And that was great enough. To be able to take on the work that it was going to take for me to move to actually making, Foster is on a reality.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. So I think that that is in your life like whatever it is for you, you've been designed with something that leaves you and a discontent space of what reality is. Yeah. And so if you're looking at what can I do with my life, start there.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, say what is it that breaks my heart? You know, what is it that when I think about, I wish I could do something or. Or have experienced like I almost went into foster care when I was a kid and I sat there in foster care training went for such a time as this, what is it?
::Kim Vehon
That you're you're moved towards.
::Patrick McCalla
one writer called it a wholly discontent like figure out what that wholly against discontent is that thing where you just like, I got it. I got to figure out what's happening up river. Mm hmm. You know, see these these bodies come down the river.
::Patrick McCalla
Something's happening up there. I got to go upstream, which is what you did with Fotuaika, and you're going to spend the rest of your messy journey continuing to try to figure that out.
::Kim Vehon
Right? Yeah. And I think that's the thing is, I always look at people like, Oh, is this going to be your work for the rest of your life? I don't know.
::Patrick McCalla
Yes.
::Kim Vehon
You know, I tell people that I've stopped trying to make plans because when I start to make plans, it typically doesn't go that way. I thought I was going to be a professional singer. I thought that I was going to tour and do all these things, I'm not, I mean, I I'm lucky I get to make money
::Kim Vehon
as a vocalist and I'm so grateful for that. But it's not nearly what I planned. And when you are open to the disruption of your plans and when you're open to say, I will be here as long as I'm called to be here.
::Kim Vehon
But I will also be willing to pick up and go if I'm called to something else. I think that is the powerful space. When you cling to tightly to anything, that's when you miss out.
::Patrick McCalla
Mm-Hmm. Do you think the plan's better than what you had?
::Kim Vehon
Oh, 100%. Yeah, I look at this and I'm like, I never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that I'd be doing the work that I'm doing, and I will tell you, I was at a singing competition in Estes Park when I felt, God, tell me that no, you are going to be in ministry local
::Kim Vehon
. Yeah. And I knew it in my spirit, and I'm like, Nope, I'm not chasing that anymore because I was full chasing going, I'm going this direction. And I thought, Oh, that met me being on a church staff. But that's not at all like now I look at it, I'm like, no, he had so much more for me
::Kim Vehon
than ever. I could ask or imagine. And I think that it's a lot also a lot more heartbreaking now than I ever would have asked for, for sure or imagined. But on the end of it, I was just talking to Shannon, who works with me, and I said, it's the most meaningful work I've ever been involved in
::Kim Vehon
in my life.
::Patrick McCalla
The journey in that messy journey has the higher highs and lower lows.
::Kim Vehon
Oh my gosh, you're speaking it.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. OK, so let me let me play. I hate this term, but I don't know what else to use. Let me play devil's advocate for a moment because I asked you, do you think it's better?
::Patrick McCalla
And you said, Oh, absolutely, but I could say, Yeah, but you don't know that because you never went the other you never actually fulfilled. You thought your dream was going to be a singer, but you're a professional singer where you're touring.
::Patrick McCalla
You never got to do that. So how do you know it's better?
::Kim Vehon
Oh my gosh, you're sounding like my husband. It makes you nuts.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah. Well, we had this interview.
::Kim Vehon
He always said to me, I might because I look at my kids' faces and I'm like, I would have missed them. And he said, No, you wouldn't. You would have never known them. I'm like, No, I truly believe my heart knew them.
::Kim Vehon
You know, because when you feel like you are designed for something. Yeah, I think your heart would have missed it, yeah. You know.
::Patrick McCalla
Deep within your soul.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, it.
::Patrick McCalla
Would have been.
::Kim Vehon
A yes. And I think that's one of those things we see so many people living their lives in a state of unfulfilled. And I think that's part of it. Yeah, they're missing, which are designed for.
::Patrick McCalla
Which Kim goes back to what you said earlier, whether you're someone from a faith perspective listening or you don't believe. Take that step if you're feeling if you're feeling, I need to do something more, take that step.
::Kim Vehon
Well, I think that's the thing is you only have one life here on this Earth. We all have the same sense at the end of it, right? We're going to take our last breath. Mm-Hmm. And I look at that.
::Kim Vehon
You have a decision to make. Are you going to take steps when you take that last breath where you said I did everything I ever wanted to do? Mm-Hmm. And I have no regrets. Mm-Hmm. Are you going to wish you did something?
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, and I would rather risk insecurity of of all this worldly belongings and believe that I lived my life to the fullest. Mm-Hmm. Then get to the other side and me. Oh yeah, I wish.
::Patrick McCalla
I haven't read a lot of stories about people at the end going, I wish, I wish I would have loved less, right? I wish I would have sacrificed. I wish I would have given less. I wish I would have.
::Patrick McCalla
That's not the stories you hear.
::Kim Vehon
No, and I think that sometimes we take for granted more time. My friend just lost her son this last week. I've been thinking a lot about that.
::Patrick McCalla
Oh, we'll see.
::Kim Vehon
He was 20, and I've been thinking a lot this last week about that. We assume time. Yeah, we assume that we're in a certain space based on our age. And how much time we have left, but we don't know.
::Kim Vehon
We don't know how much time we have left, we don't know. I've been going into every store, if you can't tell, I'm like a deep feeler space. But I've been going in every store and as I've been meeting different people who are checking me out, like when I'm getting food or whatever I'm doing and I've been looking
::Kim Vehon
at them and in my brain, I've been thinking, I don't know if today's their last. Yeah, every interaction we have with other people, it's not just about the value of our own life, it's about the value of giving of another person's life.
::Kim Vehon
Mm-Hmm. You know, and at the end of the day, I don't want to have regrets even when I'm living. Yeah, I'm saying I wish I would have told this person this. I wish I would have found a way to love them or like I was talking about with our young man who right now is finding himself in
::Kim Vehon
a bad situation and and in jail waiting for trial. I don't want to sit and say I wish I would have. Been able to help him more. And so that's my drive. Mm-Hmm. I don't want someone else in that situation, if I could do one more piece, if I could get one more person involved and it could
::Kim Vehon
change the outcome for that person. Like sometimes I think we're only focused on our own life and we fail to see that life.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah. So Kim, how do you do this? Because I. I love where your heart is. But the danger for someone like you is is taking on things that you can't control. You know, it's the whole that you were talking about twelve step program, right?
::Patrick McCalla
God, give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I should change. So you take on like this, this young man that you're talking about? I mean, you let's see.
::Patrick McCalla
You're doing everything you can, but they make the choice to make, how do you live with those? How do you live with that?
::Kim Vehon
So I've wrestled with that through the years. And one of the things that I've had to decide on is I can't take. Any ownership of their success? And I can't take any ownership of the failings. Mm-Hmm. You have to let go of both sides.
::Kim Vehon
I think sometimes as human beings, we want to take credit and act like saviors and that we did something to change someone's life when the reality is we didn't. None of us hold the power to change anyone else's life.
::Kim Vehon
We can only make the decisions in our own. And so what I can do is, did I do everything that I felt that I should be doing? What are the gaps spaces? And so I don't focus on successes or failures as much as I really try to keep my eyes focused on God, what are you opening my
::Kim Vehon
eyes to see that are gap spaces that maybe I have influence and that I can bring other people alongside that I can bring other talents alongside and we can start filling. So I try to instead of focusing and they motivate me not to be misunderstood.
::Kim Vehon
Those spaces in his life has motivated me to see things differently. Mm-Hmm. So that's what I've had to decide is maybe I'm just a seed. Maybe it was something that I was just supposed to do, and I'll never see blossom and I've had to let go of control of that.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah, because if you try to cling to control of that and you try to manipulate situations or you try to say, if only. It will kill you. Yeah, and maybe not physically, but on the inside.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah, probably either lead to arrogance, right? If you're taking credit for the successes or just utter heartbreak and feeling of failure. Yeah.
::Kim Vehon
And and honestly, you're no good if you quit, you're no good. That's why perseverance is so important and if I'm taking credit either way. I will fail. Yeah, but if I stay in my center lane and say, what is it that I'm called to?
::Kim Vehon
What is it that I'm responsible for? What is it that I should do? Then it allows me to stay focused and my eyes are at least able to see and I use all of this around me, the successes that I see, the setbacks that I see in order to help me be able to clear the picture of
::Kim Vehon
where I need to go.
::Patrick McCalla
OK, Kim, can you make a promise to me and come back on our podcast? I mean, there's I'm sitting here, like, sometimes I'm you say something, and I don't even know what to say next because I'm trying to process the depth of what you just said.
::Patrick McCalla
I feel like people are going to have to go listen to this and really process and let and let God really soak in this things that you're saying. But let me do this for a moment to you have an incredible organization and I want to just encourage.
::Patrick McCalla
It's always hard. I know I've ran nonprofits and it takes money to run nonprofits, always hard to ask for money. So I'm going to do that for you. And I must say you have an incredible organization and anybody listening to this.
::Patrick McCalla
I would love to encourage them to go to your and you're going to tell us where to go to. But but support financially, there's a lot of other things they can do to and you go there and find it.
::Patrick McCalla
Maybe you're going to volunteer. Maybe you need a mentor. But for sure, if if you if you want to find a good organization to give to financially, this is a great organization. You can have generational impact. So where would they go to find out more about what you do?
::Kim Vehon
w my thing has been cattle on: ::Kim Vehon
And you know, that's what it means to take a.
::Patrick McCalla
Building for what.
::Kim Vehon
four young adults transitioning out. We are going to expand our beds to 50 beds. And in order for us to do that, we're going to need more support and it's going to be everybody pulling together and saying, here's the connections I have here the plumbing.
::Patrick McCalla
Here's a yep, that's right.
::Kim Vehon
Yep. And so I so appreciate it because yes, the only reason Foster is going to exist is not because of me. It's because of all the shoulders that people have allowed me to stand on to make this dream a reality.
::Kim Vehon
And in this season where we're continuing to grow and expand and say, how can we impact more lives? We need more shoulders.
::Patrick McCalla
Yeah, incredible. So tell us again where to go to.
::Kim Vehon
Foster Arizona dot.
::Patrick McCalla
Org fosters Onondaga, where you promise to come back on this.
::Kim Vehon
Actually.
::Patrick McCalla
Because because we I mean, we didn't even before we even turn the mikes and we start talking leadership stuff. And how do we self-care like take care of our self in the midst of helping others so we don't end up in, you know, a mess?
::Patrick McCalla
So, I mean, those are all things we could talk about in the future at some point. Well, before we go, though, two truths and a lie. Oh, I guess so. Yeah, we feel like we know you a little bit now.
::Patrick McCalla
Let's see if we can figure out which one is a lie.
::Kim Vehon
So I was born in Mexico, OK? I went on my very first plane ride. And jumped out of it.
::Patrick McCalla
You'd never been in a plane and you're skydiving. Hmm. OK.
::Kim Vehon
And I was on The Tonight Show.
::Patrick McCalla
Oh, man. OK, all right, so which one of those is a the. I'm going to say, I'm going to say your very first plane ride, you jumped out of it. That's true.
::Kim Vehon
That is true. All right.
::Patrick McCalla
Could be down to: ::Kim Vehon
That is true, I'm from Mexico, Missouri.
::Patrick McCalla
Okay, so I'm going to say I'm right, but that's not what I was thinking. Mexico, Missouri, there's a Mexico.
::Kim Vehon
There is a Mexico, Missouri. And I asked two.
::Patrick McCalla
Hundred people.
::Kim Vehon
You know, it was smaller and then they had the freeway go through it. But it was really funny. When I moved out here, they asked me if I had my green card. I'm like, You guys, Missouri, it's in the middle.
::Patrick McCalla
Middle of the night. They just saw Mexico.
::Kim Vehon
Yeah. Yeah. But The Tonight Show, I didn't go on The Tonight Show, but I was when they came to Phenix, I did get tickets.
::Patrick McCalla
So OK, OK, that's good. That's good. Well, I'm going to say I won this round. You didn't win this race. When we have you back. I mean, have you do another two in OK, if I can take him, but came really from the bottom of our hearts and I know that our audience would all say the same
::Patrick McCalla
thing. Thank you so much for what you're doing. Thank you for your heart. Thank you for the impact that you're having. Thank you for giving us anybody who's going to jump in and help support or volunteer to make a difference to in the lives of people that matter so much to God, the most vulnerable in our society
::Patrick McCalla
. So thank you.
::Kim Vehon
Well, and thank you. I just think there's so much power in sharing stories and your voice of leadership makes a huge difference. So thank you for allowing me to be a part of this.
::Patrick McCalla
Thanks, Ken.
::Host
Thanks for listening to the No Grey Areas podcast to dove deeper into the story. Be sure to subscribe. Follow us on social media and check out no gray areas. Dot com.
