Our Favorite Podcast Moments of 2024 Ep. 105

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Speaker 1

hts that defined this year of: 2020

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Speaker 3

I'd start with just the power of of just writing down that resolution. You know, so many people will, you know, they'll have a toast and they'll, they'll maybe go around the room and share a resolution that they've got for, for the, for the new year. But taking some time to write down that resolution that's powerful itself.

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Speaker 3

Just something to reference back to and articulating your thoughts on paper.

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Speaker 2

And studies prove how to that is.

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Speaker 3

Yes. Yeah. Very very powerful. So the goal session starts with with some planning. Yeah. And I'll, I'll use myself as the employee and I'll use my own personal goal sessions attending with my my direct manager, at the beginning of each, each year. Leading up to the, to the new year. I will sit down and I'll make a list of goals of things that I'm looking to accomplish, personally and professionally in, in, in the coming month.

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Speaker 3

In the coming year. We'll take a longer term look at what a three year goal might be. And then one of my favorite, lists, if you will. Our our our Sunday goals or my Sunday goals and the some day goals, I think, for lack, a better description might be the bucket list. Yeah, the bucket list items.

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Speaker 3

And what's been so neat about this process is getting my entire family involved with with goal setting. So I will not be.

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Speaker 2

Speaking into your someday goals. Yes.

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Speaker 3

Influencing the someday goals. My wife and I actually sit down and in in December and we we outline what we want to accomplish as a, as a couple and as a family. Specifically in that upcoming year. And then we'll revisit our three year and our, our someday goals as well, to see if there's, a different direction we want to go.

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Speaker 2

And that's why the name of your program is so powerful, because it takes people back to the choices they make, and that those choices create ripples. And some of those ripples will go on forever.

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Speaker 3

Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2

And we don't realize that. Yeah, I remember we had a man come up to me one time not come up to me. I met him and he said, I can't believe that I let an 18 year old boy make decisions that shaped the course of my life. So. And I thought, well, that's a stupid thing. Why would you do that?

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Speaker 2

And then I realized he was talking about himself, that he made decisions at an 18 year old that set him on a track for his life. And he's looking back on it now.

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Speaker 3

Yeah.

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Speaker 2

Which is exactly what your son was, you know.

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Speaker 1

Well, and, Darrell, I read a statistic recently and I and I'm probably going to goose up the percentage, but I know it's a high percentage. You said something like 70% of our life decisions will be made between like 18 and 25. You know, we're we make a lot of decisions. I'm sure those are those are formative years. And so what that man said was when that's so deep and wise, isn't it.

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Speaker 1

Yeah. But I would say to anybody who's 18 to 25 or 18 to 30 or so, for them to really think through the decisions you're making are going to have a massive impact on your future.

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Speaker 2

Yeah. Very definitely. Yeah.

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Speaker 3

I think if people have, what most of us call a victim mentality that we really don't have any power,

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Speaker 3

that is an emaciated, weak posture to take where?

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Speaker 3

Well, it's kind of case wraps around. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen. No, no no. Yeah. Empower yourself. Yeah. You can by your choices. I could have chosen anyone like marriage, let's say as an example, some people say, well, there's only one, I don't believe that. Nor do I think that's romantic. Yeah. How do you, after you get married, if there was only one, you get into a big fight.

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Speaker 2

She's clearly not the one.

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Speaker 3

And and you go. Yeah, I didn't really have a choice. I don't even want to be here. But you were the one. Yeah. That's not nearly as romantic as waking up every day of my life and saying. I choose you all over again. There is power in choice.

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Speaker 2

For better or for worse. We're in a worst moment right now, and I'm still choose. Absolutely.

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Speaker 3

You're right. There's more power, right? There's so people who say my choices really don't matter. That is one girl read through the book of Proverbs. That's one of the most foolish ways to live this life. Your choices in many ways dictate the outcome of your life. So when things take a dark turn, I don't like to just looking at all what was the enemy?

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Speaker 3

You know, we don't wrestle against flesh and blood, which is, of course, Ephesians six. Yeah, but I had I had a role to play. Yeah. I didn't somebody didn't just get me here. I had a role to play, James says.

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Speaker 2

Where says you were led astray in a sin.

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Speaker 3

Absolutely true.

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Speaker 2

You made a choice to do that 100%.

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Speaker 3

So I just think we have to be very mindful, that our choices aren't idols.

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Speaker 3

We don't idolize the power of choice, but we take seriously the responsibility of all of our choices. What I say to my children is a choice. I can use words to harm. Scripture is clear. The power of life and death is in my tongue. I have a choice.

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Speaker 3

Every choice I make has an outcome. What outcome do I want? Whatever outcome I want, then I need to rewind and go, well then I didn't make this choice.

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Speaker 2

I live by what I call the laws of transformation and the laws of transformation. Our number one. Who am I knowing ourselves deeply? You mentioned that earlier. We've got to know what's written on that needle. Yeah. And we've got to know who we are and where we are. It's imperative. And I do that in my coaching.

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Speaker 2

I start with that. Let's get to know who you are deeply. I've spent a lifetime doing that. The next piece is what do we want in I. I hope I'm saying God, where you want me. Right. The next piece to is why do we want it? And asking God, Why God? Why do you want me? There is okay, you might we might not hear it, but it's okay to ask.

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Speaker 2

And then the next part is what am I doing to get in the way? What am I doing to sabotage this? I have to know that. So where am I? What do I want, man? I'm bringing God into all this. Why? And what am I doing to sabotage?

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Speaker 3

if you guys, you know, are followers of Christ, he will ask you to do things you do not want to do.

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Speaker 3

And weird things. So odd things that you're like,

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Speaker 2

That makes you uncomfortable.

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Speaker 3

Oh yeah. Like, oh yeah, go talk to that person or just go feed that person. And you're thinking, oh my gosh, this is really weird. Like embarrassing. This person doesn't know me. They're standing on a corner, like, who am I, right? But when I really started listening to that still small voice, the miraculous things that came from it, just the fulfillment, just, the peace, the joy, the love, the kindness that I received from doing those things for other people, filled my whole life.

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Speaker 3

And I at that moment was like, that's why I said, if you use me however you see fit, use me and I will follow you, because he showed me all of these things. After I started listening that I said, I will not deny you. And so when he's told me to do that, of course, in my mind. Right.

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Speaker 3

This is so bizarre that this could even work this, that this could even really happen. But like you said, that listening and obeying, that's all I wanted to do. So I knew that if I just did that, that I would reap the benefits.

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Speaker 2

I don't mean to sound corny, I really don't, but this is true.

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Speaker 2

I. I felt as an American, this is something I had to do. And I saw it as important because, If not me, then who? Right. There's no one else who's going to number one. And number two, we're not talking a petty crime. We're talking a crime against our country. Yeah, and our national security. And so the one instance that that happened was, my criminal lawyer said to me, I turned to him and I said, I don't see how I can do this.

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Speaker 2

And he said, Ashley, I don't see how you can't. And when he said that, something about that flipped the switch for me, and I knew that I had to go, and so he set up a meeting with the FBI, and, and, I ended up telling them for two straight days everything I knew, all the players, all the shell entities, and laid it out for him for two straight days.

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Speaker 2

Wow.

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Speaker 1

What I love is, I think on your website, it talks about this. And maybe in the foreword of the book, it says something about what is easy is not always right. Right. And again, this is where our audience, myself, we can resonate with your story, not in the same situation as you were in by any means. But we've all been in some of those situations where we have to make a choice.

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Speaker 1

And it may not be an easy choice, right? But I think that actually describes what what what heroes do. Right. We look at we love watching movies or reading books about heroes. And what they do is they usually in the face of conflict, in the face of something that feels overwhelming and in the face of making a decision that's going to make your life like yours.

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Speaker 1

From this point on, my life will never be the same. They make the right decision,

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Speaker 2

in. What's interesting, I try and tell people, I mean, I now speak on this whole idea of getting off the ax and the overcome mindset and how we deal with adversity and these moments becoming new beginnings.

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Speaker 2

And what I, when I explain to people is, man, be thankful for the hard times you're going through, because the reality is that you up for success, for future hard moments, you know, no different than training muscles. No different. An overcome mindset has to be built by doing hard things and by going through a hard thing. So the interesting thing when I was wounded, fast forward, you know, a few years, I said, hey man, yes, this sucks, but guess what?

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Speaker 2

You just walked the hardest path. You climbed out of the darkest hole you've ever been. And this is going to be no different. You're going to apply all these lessons and leadership that you've been applying. You're going to apply them to this. Wow. And, so it really didn't change anything. And that's what so many people have asked.

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Speaker 2

How did you do that? How did you launch out of your injuries? You know, the sign on the door. And I never looked back. And that's why. Yeah, it's because I had failed at this colossal level, but I didn't let it define me. I let it become a moment to grow and get better.

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Speaker 1

Jason, I am so glad you brought that up, because I wanted to go to the sign next, but you actually gave all this backstory that really helps us understand the sign. And I'm so glad you brought that up, because this podcast, as you may know, is all about the power and complexity of human choice that that as humans, I believe as a person of faith, that we are the pinnacle of God's creation.

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Speaker 1

And but we've been given the power of choice. We get to choose and but but what that means is that we make our choices and a choice, and eventually our choices make us. So you shared a part of your story where you were making some really poor choices in your life, but that you didn't let that define you.

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Speaker 1

You didn't let that be the end of the story.

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Speaker 1

What are your thoughts on that? This idea that we make our choices and eventually our choices make us.

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Speaker 2

It is a mystery how this all works together. Let me start, there

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Speaker 2

I wake up today, the listeners wake up today and we have we have choices to make. And so I would simply, bring it into our own experience and realize that we can make that we are conscious.

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Speaker 1

Actors.

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Speaker 2

Who who, make decisions. There can be, you know, path A, B, C, d. Actually, there's quite a few choices out there. It's rarely maybe just a fork in the road. And I think for us to, to look at this, element of choice as a blessing, that God has delegated to us decisions who would not have to do it that way?

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Speaker 1

Yeah.

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Speaker 2

That's true. And so here we are. We are not machines. We are not automatons. We are able to look at our situation. He's given us minds to think. And so that is a blessing. And it's an expression of trust and love on the part of our, our creator.

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Speaker 1

Most decisions that we make as human beings, you know, we got the simple ones may have turned right or left right, but we talk about the big ones that there's a lot of complexity in there. So so give us some tangible thoughts.

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Speaker 2

So like I got to go back to the book, you know, I mentioned about the one of the first things was the counsel. Yes. But the second thing was actually the the mentorship. So when I talk about mentorship, you know, I've had so many people in my life that I could, draw from, to make no great decisions by asking questions.

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Speaker 2

So, just a tangible thing to, like, say, get to be where you're making good decisions is being able to ask good questions and, you know, open your mouth. Just, just and it's that there's a constant anything. My people just always say that asking questions doesn't cost anything, you know? And the only, bad question is a question not asked.

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Speaker 2

Yeah. And so, I mean, I've always.

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Speaker 1

Let me just interrupt for a moment here. There's a reverse side to that, though, isn't there? I love that you said that it doesn't cost you anything to ask a question. It might cost you not to ask that question, though.

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Speaker 2

Correct me, I mean. Correct, correct. Yeah, but like you said, it might. It might cost you everything not to ask a question, you know, and so, so yeah, I've, I've always, I've always asked a lot of questions and then I, so I would, I would just tell somebody in a tangible way to, to ask questions. If you don't know anything, you know, or you know, if you definitely don't know it, you know, there are so many things out here where you can research and you can find the answers, you know, for yourself.

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Speaker 1

One of the other things that you brought up when we were talking about the is the danger of asking why the don't ask why? I think this is a really important one.

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Speaker 1

Unpack now again for our own personal lives. I want our audience to what what Tim's going to explain here about why we shouldn't ask our kids why when they go through a difficult or something. Take that to heart about even leading yourself, because I think it's natural. This is what you hear. Parents do it all the time, don't you?

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Speaker 1

Something happened to go. Why did you do that? And that's. And you're saying that's a dangerous question. So tell us why.

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Speaker 2

So if I ask why, I'm most of the time putting my kid on the defense, and I'm asking them to come up with an answer that maybe doesn't exist. How many times, have you watched your kid do something that was brainless? Anyways? It involved no thought whatsoever. They reacted on an emotion on spur of the moment jump in the just, you know, just jump in and see what happens.

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Speaker 2

I have a son that does that still to this day, and he's a little bit older than a teenager. And asking him why he doesn't know the answer to that question. He just did it.

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Speaker 1

Yeah. If he knew the answer, you probably would have done it right.

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Speaker 2

So asking why often will require him or her to either fabricate the answer or get really defensive. Now, if they're in that mindset, they're not in any position to learn from the poor choices they just made, or the on the mistake that they just jumped into, to me is better to say, to summarize, from my perspective, it looks like you've done this x, y, z.

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Speaker 2

I got that right. What are you going to do about it? How are you going to fix that? It it automatically starts creating this, you know, if you ever seen you know, two kind of diodes together, I may not be using the right term. And electricity is kind of jumping across it. Right? Yep. That's what you want to create in them and immediately mistake jump across to a possible solution.

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Speaker 1

What am I going to do about it?

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Speaker 2

So now I'm teaching my child. Not what excuse can I come up with what would make this sound? Because every time a kid tells why they did something, it always minimizes their responsibility. So why even put that on the table? Let's just talk about how you can solve that. What? What do you think you need to do?

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Speaker 2

How would how how would you how would you resolve that issue?

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Speaker 2

I spend most of my time now talking with people about being the greatest version of themselves and what that means, and it sounds really hokey and really complicated, but it's actually really simple.

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Speaker 2

Most people struggle with it because of it. Could be it could be fear. You know, the fear of being great is really powerful. And many people struggle because they just don't know how to do it. And so I talk to people about that. That's what I've really learned. I've learned about teaching people about things like, I management and health and wellness.

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Speaker 2

And, you know, what's your educational goal? What's the pathway, what's your financial plan, blah, blah, blah. And then you get into complicated stuff like, what's your brand? What's your brand, man? Who are you? What are you trying to do? What's your legacy going to be? And so I talk to people about this kind of stuff.

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Speaker 1

That is such a powerful question. The last one, isn't it?

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Speaker 2

yeah, yeah. So I take people through the whole journey. Right. That's that's near the end of, of sort of this greatness journey. But you'd be surprised and maybe you wouldn't be surprised. I am shocked when I talk to young, high functioning, super bright, professional people who have no plan. No plan, no plan. Yeah. And then you get past that and then you start to ask questions like, what do you really want to be doing?

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Speaker 2

Yeah, I know you're doing acts, but what's your what's in your soul that you want to do and why aren't you doing it. Yeah that's a tough question.

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Speaker 1

Do what? Where do you think people lose that? Because I think most of us, when we're little children, we don't know ourselves well at the time, but we're we're dreamers. We're imagining. We're like, I want to do this. I want to do this. And it doesn't matter who tells you. Well, that's impossible. But somewhere along that line, we kind of lose that, don't we?

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Speaker 2

We do. We do.

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Speaker 1

It. Where do you think that is or why?

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Speaker 2

Well, again, I think it's two reasons, right? Either fear. Right. It's the fear. And many times it's fear of judgment. And that is when you start acting differently around your loved ones and you say things like, I am going to be great, I am going to change the world. They're like, no, you're just little Simon. Yeah. The third of three boys from a small town in Canada.

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Speaker 2

How can you possibly say that? You're going to be great. Yeah. And and it's not their fault. Yeah, but we listen to those voices, and they sort of tug us down and tug us back. Yeah. Yeah. So, so that's that's one thing, right? When you start acting different and then you get judgment, and then that little voice in your head goes, oh, maybe I shouldn't be doing that f that.

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Speaker 2

Yeah.

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Speaker 2

I think fear of success is just is just as big in some ways as a fear failure. Because what I have seen personally is that that's where you get to really, really see how much you care about other people's opinions of you.

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Speaker 2

And you get to see how well your communication skills are too, because if that's within the house, you have to let that spouse know we're doing it together. You know, I love you. We're on this. I'm not going to leave you. Yeah, I'm I'm still me. Yeah, yeah, I mean, but but if you can't have those conversations, it's very vulnerable, open conversations.

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Speaker 2

And you start realizing, well, what is this going to look like? And what is someone going to say about my social media page? And what is something I saying, well, that you really care more about others opinions of you than you do about, you know, what's going on in here.

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Speaker 1

Do you think that's where fear of success comes from?

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Speaker 2

I think that's the most common one I've seen. Yeah. But, you know, it probably manifests itself in, in many, many different ways. Maybe. Can I handle it? A lot of it's just the unknown. What does this look like? Yeah, right. Like, what does this look like? Do I move.

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Speaker 1

Because I don't sound.

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Speaker 2

Comfortable? Yeah, but the ones are the people that are attracted to my message or my coaching. And it tends to be a lot more about other people's opinions for, for their success that.

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Speaker 1

Our audience now they're listening. They're going, I get it, I've been there. I've crashed, or I feel the stress. Anxiety you're talking about. What are some things you learned about how we deal with this?

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Speaker 2

Well, I think I think first of all, the first thing I had to identify was what was my normal pattern of stress? How did it show up in me? You know, there's typically four different ways it shows up. It'll show up and and fight. You probably heard a couple of these where they fight. So we'll we'll just fight to win no matter what.

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Speaker 2

Some people are fighters and some people are flares. They'll freeze or flee. They'll go the opposite direction. They'll try to avoid it rather than deal with it. That's just as unhealthy. But then there's the over overcompensate people, people who have a self-image issue who have to prove that they're worth whatever people think they're not worth. And so they'll they'll throw themselves in situations that they're not they're they have no skill.

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Speaker 2

Just, you know, I was the worship leader at Sun Valley for three years. I was a prison singer, always behind a few bars. Never had the right key. You know, I could truly. Yeah. I could truly make a joyful noise to the Lord. Yeah. You know, but it was just a noise. Yeah, I just I jumped in because there was no place to do it.

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Speaker 2

I didn't want people to feel, you know, think negatively about me, that at least they would say, well, Scott's doing the best he can so I wouldn't be a part of the problem. So that was overcompensating. And then the last one is over. Complicating is this idea. So Patrick, you and I are having a conversation. I mentioned something to you that maybe hurt you a little bit, and then someone else, you have a conversation later on today and someone else comes and they, they say something to you is like, oh, that sounded pretty familiar that what Scott said, I bet Scott and this person are actually talking to each other.

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Speaker 2

And you start to create this, spiral down because you think the whole world is against me. Think about Elijah in the Bible. You know, I'm the only one who's left and you know it, that kind of thing. That's that overcomplicate ties everything together as if everyone's against me, including God.

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Speaker 1

And you start writing a story. You start writing a story that's not necessarily there, or you don't know if it's.

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Speaker 2

And it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you're not doing that, if you're not careful because it's because you begin again. Our choices result in our actions. Yeah. And, and our beliefs about what God thinks about us, what others think about us. They impact our choices and our actions. So yeah, it's it's a it's a spiral down.

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Speaker 2

Everyone's against me. And then, you know, all of a sudden you're everyone's either a victim or a villain. You know, it's it's it's a dangerous place to be.

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Speaker 1

what is an imposter syndrome that you're still struggling with? You're not running as an athlete anymore. But what is your self negative self-talk telling you now that you have to when you're journaling and spending some time alone with God, that you have to try to put that?

00;23;41;07 - 00;24;02;11

Speaker 2

I mean, this is a great question right now. Like I told you, we just came back from conference. Yeah. So in our conference meet was not we didn't perform where we needed to. So as mean for me as a coach, clearly we evaluate the athletes. But you also have to evaluate yourself. So for me it's like, okay, am I supposed to be making the profession like, hey, I got to step up my recruiting game.

00;24;02;16 - 00;24;17;24

Speaker 2

Maybe I'm not good. And like, you know, so those kind of self-doubts come in for me as a coach because a part of my job is more on recruiting. So we have to recruit the right athletes. We have to be able to make those connections to get them to come, to the school. But also we have to coach them when they get here.

00;24;17;24 - 00;24;24;25

Speaker 2

Yeah. So that's definitely right now, self-doubt as far as just life and what I'm dealing with. Yeah. Now.

00;24;24;28 - 00;24;26;05

Speaker 1

What about you, Brant? Yeah.

00;24;26;05 - 00;24;29;24

Speaker 3

For sure. Yeah. No, not at all. Yeah, yeah.

00;24;29;27 - 00;24;50;00

Speaker 4

No, I would say the one that I probably have dealt with, and I'm using the word delta as in past tense. Okay. But it's this idea of being an insufficient leader. And one of the reasons why I think I got caught up on being an insufficient leaders, because I found myself just being too anxious. Right. I have an accomplishment.

00;24;50;00 - 00;24;53;05

Speaker 4

I've had done enough, haven't let enough. And one of you.

00;24;53;06 - 00;25;06;15

Speaker 1

What you just did there, right? That's self-talk. You start listening to things I haven't I haven't I haven't correct. And whether it's an athlete, a coach, a pastor, correct. All of our listeners have those I haven't, I haven't, I haven't cracked. So keep going.

00;25;06;15 - 00;25;28;07

Speaker 4

So essentially I'll give you two, two analogies. One, there's this moment where, Jacob wrestles with God. Yeah. And he says, man, I'm not going to let you go until you bless me. Indeed. So a part of me overcoming my inability and feeling like an insufficient leader, I've had to wrestle with the Lord to have him literally say, hey, I can't I can't keep living like this.

00;25;28;07 - 00;25;42;27

Speaker 4

I can't keep doing down this road like, you got to help me overcome this, and I'm not going to let you go till you bless me. Indeed. So that's one thing. And I remember there was a window where I was, I don't know, in a 48 hour period where I was running on maybe four hours of sleep, like literally just wrestling with the Lord.

00;25;42;29 - 00;26;06;14

Speaker 4

But then secondly, here's a picture that the Lord just kind of gave me as far as what it look like for me to to walk in this, imposter syndrome. So my piece in my mind was doing this. And then one day it was very simple. He was like, you just need to settle and settle. Looks like this.

00;26;10;09 - 00;26;27;07

Speaker 4

Right. And then as this is going on, here's instead of me listening to the thoughts of the enemy, I have to remind myself that, number one, God is sovereign. So where I am right now, in this moment, he knew I would be there from the very beginning of time. So I'm not insufficient. This isn't catching him by surprise.

00;26;27;07 - 00;26;45;26

Speaker 4

It's just catching me by surprise. Number two, I don't have to stay here. I can continue to grow, but I don't have to make anything happen. I just have to trust his plan. Walk in obedience, keep clean hands and a pure heart. Now I'm listening to a different voice, which is really scripture. Yeah. And all this is helping me do is just, oh, I can be settled.

00;26;45;26 - 00;26;53;01

Speaker 3

it has been an unexpected blessing of, you know, something that you. Yeah. I don't think anyone grows up being like, yeah, I want to be part of a blended family. I want to be a stepmom.

00;26;53;01 - 00;27;00;26

Speaker 3

Like, that's not something that I think any woman would ever say. But there is definitely some newfound beauty that.

00;27;00;26 - 00;27;01;17

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00;27;01;17 - 00;27;28;19

Speaker 2

You know, it's interesting. I've never I'm not I'm not a step parent. Didn't have step parents, but I think I learn a lot just through observation and watching. And my admiration and love and respect for step moms in particular, is at an all time high. Because what happens with our kids, like they they get off the court or out of cheer competition, whatever they're doing, they they get done and they come running to mom and dad.

00;27;28;21 - 00;27;51;24

Speaker 2

And what the kids do is they run to their dad and then to their mom or to their mom, and then to their dad. Step parent is always third mom. That's got to be painful to know that your best is the bronze medal. Like you will never be first or second, and you have to put in the same amount of work, same amount of effort to get third.

00;27;51;26 - 00;27;59;18

Speaker 2

Yeah, you you wouldn't go into the Olympics. You wouldn't compete if you knew your best option is third place. And you have to put in as much work as the guy who's going to win.

00;27;59;20 - 00;28;00;04

Speaker 1

Yeah, we.

00;28;00;04 - 00;28;12;10

Speaker 2

Wouldn't do it. But step moms do that every single day and just blows my mind. Yeah, the work they do, what they get in return and for the most part.

00;28;12;12 - 00;28;13;22

Speaker 1

For the bronze medal. Yeah.

00;28;13;27 - 00;28;34;05

Speaker 2

I felt like it was my fault, you know, that I made it harder on my mom growing up, you know, because you know, her trying to get us back. But it never happened. And, going outside one day, early morning, and I wanted to play outside. I just, you know, want to be a kid, so I. I'm working on this, like.

00;28;34;05 - 00;28;54;27

Speaker 2

Yeah, yellow and red wheeled, tricycle, you know, made out of plastic and things. And I was, like, kind of riding it by the road. And, a car came by and I was really close to getting hit, and, the car, like, pulled off to the side of the road and got out and were yelling and screaming and like, where's your parents?

00;28;54;27 - 00;29;08;15

Speaker 2

You know, I'm, I'm calling child Protective Services and that, of course, I didn't know what that was at that time. And, yeah, it was within the, you know, two weeks that my whole life changed.

00;29;08;18 - 00;29;11;26

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah. You're 30.

00;29;11;26 - 00;29;12;09

Speaker 2

I'm 30.

00;29;12;09 - 00;29;13;09

Speaker 1

Four, 34 now.

00;29;13;10 - 00;29;13;23

Speaker 2

34.

00;29;13;23 - 00;29;39;17

Speaker 1

Now. So you're telling me this is 34 years old? You still you struggled kind of with that whole thing all these years. I called it in looking back and going with some of it's my fault. Yeah. So can I have permission to just, you know,

00;29;39;20 - 00;29;49;02

Speaker 1

Shoot. Sorry. Yeah. I think the reason, I.

00;29;49;05 - 00;30;18;20

Speaker 1

Think the reason I get emotional is there's nothing that makes me more angry than there. See, kids hurt, but this is the life I want to speak. And you with that? Right. Andrew. And you. You don't need to hold that. You know, I would beg you to let that go. Is a six year old in a in a in a healthy world, in a healthy situation, you're not having to hold the responsibility of keeping a family together.

00;30;18;22 - 00;30;38;29

Speaker 1

It's not your responsibility. As a six year old. That's a mom and dad's responsibility as a mom and dad should be protecting. So man, I just I just want to say, Andrew, I, I, I will be praying and I hope to God you can release that and let that go. Because wasn't your fault. No six year old has that responsibility.

00;30;38;29 - 00;30;51;07

Speaker 1

we make two mistakes as humans. Either we we don't recognize the inherent good in humans. Like, there's we, you know, you walk down the street just like so many people do, so many great things, so many good things.

00;30;51;09 - 00;31;14;20

Speaker 1

And we miss that. Or the other extreme is we don't realize how evil humans can be. And, you know, you you in, in these books, in your story, in your life experience, witnessed at the same time, the most beautiful side of humanity where we're where your parents and others in the resistance, where were willing to lay down their life for other human beings.

00;31;14;22 - 00;31;21;17

Speaker 1

But then you also witnessed the, the, the, the depths of depravity of humanity as well. Right? You saw them both at the same time.

00;31;21;17 - 00;31;22;00

Speaker 2

Yeah.

00;31;22;00 - 00;31;37;19

Speaker 1

Because this is so sad to me that we've had in fact, it's been going on for a few decades now. Yeah. Where some are saying, well, that never happened. Yeah, yeah. What do you what do you say, to someone who would claim that the Holocaust never happened? Did it was some kind of conspiracy made up.

00;31;37;22 - 00;31;48;25

Speaker 2

I had my book resistance on the bicycle in the back of my car, and I picked up two guys that wanted to go to the airport.

00;31;48;28 - 00;31;49;22

Speaker 1

Yeah.

00;31;49;24 - 00;31;55;24

Speaker 2

And they saw that book, and they say, oh, you're a Nazi because of the.

00;31;55;26 - 00;31;56;25

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah.

00;31;56;27 - 00;32;13;12

Speaker 2

And they started harassing me, saying, oh, you're a Nazi and don't what do you think of Trump? He's a Nazi too. I slammed on my break. I said, get up right on the freeway. Get up. So that's my reaction.

00;32;13;14 - 00;32;15;11

Speaker 1

Yeah. You cannot

00;32;15;14 - 00;32;17;07

Speaker 2

That's absolutely horrible.

00;32;17;08 - 00;32;17;21

Speaker 1

Yeah.

00;32;17;28 - 00;32;22;07

Speaker 2

And that's happening at the universities with all these rioters.

00;32;22;07 - 00;32;22;25

Speaker 1

It is.

00;32;22;25 - 00;32;25;29

Speaker 2

And that is because they have not read my books.

00;32;26;04 - 00;32;27;13

Speaker 1

Yeah.

00;32;27;15 - 00;32;32;25

Speaker 2

And, any history is hardly taught in school. So. Yeah.

00;32;32;25 - 00;32;44;25

Speaker 2

That's another thing. Yes. Vietnam veterans, we appreciate that. Thanks to your service. Okay. Where's the welcome home. Yeah. You know, we didn't get any welcome home. We really appreciate you the same way.

00;32;44;29 - 00;32;50;07

Speaker 2

Yeah we appreciate welcome home and vets on vets. First thing comes out of our mouth is welcome home.

00;32;50;07 - 00;33;14;07

Speaker 1

So that's really good for us to hear. Danny. Those of us that didn't serve or even people that have served that maybe weren't in combat, you appreciate hearing not just thanks for your service, which I always try to say when I see somewhat of a veteran head on. But to hear welcome home. Yes, because especially for Vietnam vets especially, maybe the younger audience may not understand this as well.

00;33;14;09 - 00;33;33;20

Speaker 1

I certainly understand it, because that's something we heard constantly growing up that you didn't get that, like a lot of you came home and people, were against the war. And on fortunately, what happened at that time period is because they were against the war. They were also against the veterans and the you didn't get welcome home.

00;33;33;23 - 00;33;34;10

Speaker 1

Correct?

00;33;34;10 - 00;33;46;23

Speaker 1

It's so sad that, what you guys went through over there and then to come back to that kind of reception, I mean, having fecal matter thrown at you and being told to get out of your uniform when instead, yeah, the uniform should have been something honorable.

00;33;46;25 - 00;33;50;29

Speaker 2

Sergeant stripes and spit shined boots and everything. You know, when you get out, then.

00;33;51;01 - 00;33;51;19

Speaker 1

Yeah.

00;33;51;19 - 00;34;01;25

Speaker 1

Yeah. So that's good for us to hear. When you see someone with a, veteran, especially a Vietnam veteran, make sure you take time and say thank you for your service. Welcome home.

00;34;01;29 - 00;34;03;17

Speaker 3

You bet. That's real nice.

00;34;03;19 - 00;34;20;08

Speaker 1

I wish we could come up with a different term than racism. I hate that term. Here's why I hate that term. And again, this is coming from a faith based perspective. Someone who believes the Bible. The Bible teaches that that humans were created the image of God and were the pinnacle of God's creation. Racism doesn't make sense because there's one race, there's the human race.

00;34;20;08 - 00;34;45;27

Speaker 1

I think that word even incorporates racism. Racism incorporates racism because there's one there's one human race. Now within that human race, the beauty of of God is he created different ethnicities and there's different cultures, and they're different languages and there's different cultures. Colors and and the and the beauty and all of that is. But when we start throwing around the term racism, which I don't know of another word I.

00;34;45;27 - 00;34;48;04

Speaker 1

So maybe you guys can help me come up with a new one.

00;34;48;07 - 00;34;48;28

Speaker 3

I wish we could.

00;34;48;28 - 00;34;56;29

Speaker 1

Change that word because I it seems to only influence our thinking. Say like, you're a race and I'm a race. No, we're not, and we're human race.

00;34;56;29 - 00;35;22;15

Speaker 4

I think one of the things that come from the, the various races is the, the, the, the division. And because you have racism, because you have different races, you can have division. Once again, we talking about the church because we have different denominations. We could also have divisions. So so I think that I don't know if everybody could handle everybody working together.

00;35;22;17 - 00;35;43;00

Speaker 4

I don't know if everybody can handle that. But if we did, I tell you what, we'll be a lot better off as a people. Yeah. As opposed to you take what's yours, I take what's mine is and the individuality of it. But I think that if we, if we work together as people, as humans, as the human race, I think whatever his best interests, whatever your best interests.

00;35;43;02 - 00;35;49;16

Speaker 4

And I could benefit both of you. I'll do it as opposed to, him. Because he's black. I help him because he's white, and that's.

00;35;49;16 - 00;35;51;17

Speaker 1

And that's. Oh, man, that's a great point.

00;35;51;20 - 00;35;53;12

Speaker 3

BRF. That's a great point.

00;35;53;12 - 00;36;12;06

Speaker 1

Because again, if we start the starting point is so important or terminal again if you start with Native Americans means savages. If that's your starting point, that's not going to go in a good direction. If we start with there's different races that's not going to go in a different direction than which one's more advanced. Which ones in? God.

00;36;12;06 - 00;36;19;23

Speaker 1

No, no, no. If we start with there's one human race, and within that there's these cultures and that actually now we can go, okay.

00;36;20;17 - 00;36;29;02

Speaker 1

We're the we're we're from the same human race. We're both humans. But you're going to have a different lens you look through because of where you grew up, the time you grew up. The family.

00;36;29;02 - 00;36;29;27

Speaker 3

Exactly.

00;36;30;01 - 00;36;40;19

Speaker 1

Is in me. And now we can have dialog about that. Maybe you can help me understand yours better. I and I can help you understand my perspective better. But we're starting from the point that where we're both humans.

00;36;40;19 - 00;36;52;19

Speaker 2

The most critical thing you can have in your relationship is a shared mission. Your values and your mission should be aligned. And too many people go into a relationship. And there are there are things that are not aligned.

00;36;52;26 - 00;37;14;16

Speaker 2

Your mission is not aligned. And we'll say, well, you know what? I you know, this person so sexy. And maybe the physical intimacy is amazing. So we'll we'll say, maybe that's not that big a deal because we like all this stuff. But you're looking at the short term and not the long term. And what happens is people will go ahead and get married when there's a fracture.

00;37;14;16 - 00;37;38;14

Speaker 2

Missions are not aligned. That values are not aligned. And you don't have this shared mission that those things start to, fester up. And what happens is a lot of people are really good at ignoring them for years and hoping that they'll change and that they'll get on course. A perfect example we've seen. And what are these things?

00;37;38;16 - 00;37;46;03

Speaker 2

Money is a big one. It could be, how we spend our time can be a big one.

00;37;46;04 - 00;37;49;10

Speaker 1

These are things that you would say our shared mission or shared values. That's right.

00;37;49;10 - 00;37;55;06

Speaker 2

Yeah, yeah. Political views are a big one. Kids. And how we're going to raise.

00;37;55;06 - 00;37;55;18

Speaker 1

Kids are a.

00;37;55;18 - 00;38;09;12

Speaker 2

Big one, where we want to go in life and what our what our end state are you are you savers or spenders and how does that process happen? These are all things that need to be identified early because they become major problems.

00;38;09;12 - 00;38;26;12

Speaker 1

And a lot of times we marry someone who is maybe they have the same values, but we're a little opposite on it, like so spender or saver? One of those a lot of couples are opposites, right? Like one couple's like, hey, we got some extra money, let's go spend it and, make some new memories. And the other ones, like, let's save it for a rainy day.

00;38;26;14 - 00;38;29;13

Speaker 1

But if you have a shared value, you can kind of work through those. That's right.

00;38;29;20 - 00;38;52;10

Speaker 2

Compromise on where you're going to meet. You know, you can decide what, where, where do what are we going to do and how do we do it. And that now that becomes draining. Yeah. So that that is the training phase. Yeah. And the training phase never ends because the Jason Redman, my wife Matt is very different from the Jason Reitman ten years after we met and very different from the Jason Redman today.

00;38;52;14 - 00;39;05;12

Speaker 1

Oh my goodness. I'm so glad I got to pause for a second here. And just I'm so glad you brought that up, because here's a big pet peeve of mine. Whether you agree with getting married young is good or bad, I don't. I don't care so much. But the argument always here, I'm bringing this up because I got married young.

00;39;05;12 - 00;39;22;25

Speaker 1

I got married at 19. We've been happily married for 33 years, had to work through a lot of stuff, like all couples, but a lot of times people say like, well, don't get married young because you know, you're going to change. And I always want to jump back and go, you're going to change. I don't care if you get married at 30, at 40, you're going to be different than you were at 30.

00;39;22;25 - 00;39;31;00

Speaker 1

That's right. So as a couples, you're going to be working through both of you changing and and morphing. And that's just part of being married for, for very long.

00;39;31;00 - 00;39;34;18

Speaker 4

Like, love is definitely, I would say a verb, an action.

00;39;34;20 - 00;39;35;14

Speaker 3

Yeah.

00;39;35;16 - 00;39;56;06

Speaker 1

Well, even from a biblical perspective, it is an action for it. Absolutely. It's like God loved us. So what did he do? You know that you should always. If if I love Shar, it should be followed with, okay, then what am I doing? So it is absolutely an action. But I think that this is why I would again encourage the audience to go take that test.

00;39;56;06 - 00;40;14;24

Speaker 1

Because what you need to learn, and this is the form is what does she need though? Not what I think she needs or vice versa. Like what do I need to feel valued and respected for her to feel cherished? Which really are the two big love languages of men and women? Men want to feel respected and women want to be cherished.

00;40;14;26 - 00;40;33;03

Speaker 1

You know that because God told us that. But what does she need to feel cherished? And the love language test kind of tells you that for her, it's acts of service and quality time. If I can give her a lot of words of affirmation, which I do because it's natural, but this has a 10% impact compared to an act of service,

00;40;33;03 - 00;41;01;07

Speaker 2

this is one of the hardest things for people to believe. So I wouldn't take brain cancer away. I am a better father, husband, friend, cousin, brother, everything right now. And and I wasn't trending in that direction like I had really, the world's tough, you know? I mean, like, the the world is tough and the business world.

00;41;01;07 - 00;41;20;06

Speaker 2

And so, and for me, I had believed too much of the of the Western, you know, philosophy of, you know, hey, this is you got to go do the most stuff and and accomplish and get, you know, get to that highest place on the mountain. You want to be president. You know, when you were when you were a little kid.

00;41;20;07 - 00;41;41;25

Speaker 2

Now now it's, you know, got to be CEO of the biggest company you can find. And, and so, I look back and I say, oh, Lord, thank you so much for, you know, allowing this brain cancer. But for it to not take me because the last four years have been the best four years of my life.

00;41;41;25 - 00;41;47;28

Speaker 2

2000 years ago, the greatest theologian philosopher said, I learned the secret of contentment and happiness. I came with nothing.

00;41;47;28 - 00;41;49;27

Speaker 2

I'm leaving with nothing. So anything above that.

00;41;49;27 - 00;42;06;22

Speaker 2

you will have a plethora, thousands, tens of thousands of opportunities in the next couple coming weeks and months that there's something above the baseline of nothing, right? Yet you and you, you had a good meal that's worth being happy.

00;42;06;22 - 00;42;29;18

Speaker 2

think to the Psalm psalmist,: 3000

00;42;29;18 - 00;42;50;15

Speaker 2

I will rejoice and be glad in it. And you remember I texted this to you the night after we had this conversation around the fire, and I got Brandon. I think I thought of the verse that sums it all up. This is the day, not yesterday, not tomorrow. Part of our problem with happiness and contentment is we're looking at the past, which we can't do anything about or we're worried about the future.

00;42;50;17 - 00;43;09;09

Speaker 2

But the Psalm says, this is the day, this day. And then he says, I will rejoice, I will. It's an act of will. It's a choice. You're a trainer, you know, like you train people right in the gym. And, you know that how much is connected to, like, discipline, right? Just you just making a choice. You make a choice on what you're going to eat.

00;43;09;09 - 00;43;13;13

Speaker 2

You're gonna make a choice on whether you're going to get up and go to the gym. I think happiness is the same way, wouldn't you say?

00;43;13;20 - 00;43;14;15

Speaker 3

Oh, absolutely.

00;43;14;17 - 00;43;25;22

Speaker 2

Like it's an act of will a lot of times, like, I'm not going to miss this moment because this is above the baseline of nothing. It came with nothing. I'm leaving with nothing. So right now I'm going to choose to be happy.

00;43;25;24 - 00;43;33;01

Speaker 2

right now, as we launch into: 2024

00;43;33;01 - 00;43;38;16

Speaker 2

let's make sure that we resolve because we're doing resolutions, resolve

00;43;38;16 - 00;43;45;27

Speaker 2

that during the day, you make a choice to find those many, many things that you're going to have that are above the baseline of nothing

00;43;45;27 - 00;43;46;24

Speaker 2

and then choose happiness.

00;43;46;24 - 00;43;48;10

Speaker 2

Choose contentment.

00;43;49;22 - 00;43;54;16

Speaker 1

Thank you for making: 2024

00;43;54;16 - 00;44;05;22

Speaker 1

d incredible guests coming in: 2025

00;44;05;26 - 00;44;07;10

Speaker 1

We'll see you next year.