Reclaim Your Life: How to Conquer Addictions and Beat The Fear of Failure | Ep. 94 with Adam Jablin

:: 00:00:12

Host

Welcome back to the No Gray Areas podcast, where today I sit down with renowned life coach, bestselling author, and keynote speaker, Adam Javelin. Join us as we delve into the intricacies of self-talk, confronting fear, and embracing authenticity to bring healing and transformation. Let's dive in.

:: 00:26:06

Pat McCalla

Hey, Adam. Javelin, welcome to the Nokia Areas podcast. We are so excited to have you on. We're going to jump right into it. first of all, just our little conversation before we got started, I can tell I wish I lived closer to you because I'd hang out with you.

:: 00:40:22

Pat McCalla

Dude, you have great energy. But

:: 00:43:01

Pat McCalla

tell our audience a little bit about your background,

:: 00:46:02

Adam Jablin

Yeah. Well, first, Pat, the feeling's mutual. 100%. I think it's the same energy we vibe on the. On the same energy. a little bit background. My story. Let's let's. Rather than make it long, let's just try to make it more current. You know,

:: 00:59:20

Adam Jablin

in: 2006

:: 01:11:19

Adam Jablin

And that was the day, that my, my journey really began. I would actually say my hero's journey, you know, not just sobriety, just my not just recovery, but my hero's journey. And in that and we'll maybe talk about it. You know, I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about the disease of alcoholism and addiction.

:: 01:30:03

Adam Jablin

And I also learned for the first time how to have a relationship with God. And I attacked my sobriety. I attacked my recovery after leaving there as if my life depended upon it, because it did. And,

:: 01:43:10

Adam Jablin

you know, one, one day at a time, you know, slowly, one month at a time and and even one year at a time, whatever I had found became contagious to other people.

:: 01:54:13

Adam Jablin

and the they loved my enthusiasm and they, they really wanted what I had. And I was running a family business. I was third generation. We were the number one least manufacturers in the world. Lace like intimate apparel, Victoria's secrets, La Perla, hankie panky, stuff like that. And, I started helping these people a little by slowly.

:: 02:17:09

Adam Jablin

family business right around: 2019

:: 02:41:12

Adam Jablin

I had 14, 15 years clean and sober. I worked on myself really hard, and I knew that there was something that I could, I could really give to the world in a bigger way. And, you're meeting me now, four years later, and, I'm happy. I'm happy to share it with you.

:: 02:59:09

Adam Jablin

th,: 2006

:: 03:04:10

Adam Jablin

Thank you, thank you.

:: 03:06:11

Pat McCalla

curious, did you have, a couple of interventions? I mean, a lot of times, people with addictions that take a couple of runs at the mountain, right? Couple

:: 03:14:02

Adam Jablin

Yeah, yeah, I.

:: 03:17:00

Adam Jablin

I, I was a one time guy, but I started at 30,

:: 03:21:01

Adam Jablin

and I, you know, look, it's a blessing. I couldn't of choreograph this story if I tried. but there were a lot of times on my own that I tried to stop, and it was like, whac-a-mole to. I mean, I'll stop all the pills. Boom. And the drinking comes up.

:: 03:37:09

Adam Jablin

Okay, I'll stop the drink. Boom. And then this it's, you know, I constantly needed to feel okay to. I constantly need something in my system to feel comfortable in my own skin. so there were many, many times that I tried. And that's why, you know, if someone, if it's another intervention or if it's another rehab or if it's another culture, you know, just keep getting up and trying.

:: 04:01:08

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 04:02:09

Pat McCalla

Just going back one more time before we jump into the to to the. Now. When did your addiction start, do you think when you look back on your life,

:: 04:10:03

Pat McCalla

the chemical addiction specifically we're talking about. Right.

:: 04:12:21

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 04:13:14

Adam Jablin

it's a great question. It's a very weird. It's a very weird timeline to try to understand where you crossed from a bad habit to an unhealthy dependency to a full addiction. It's it's it's very murky. But I would say somewhere around 21 or 22, it was definitely way more than a dependency. And then somewhere around 24, 25, I was addicted here.

:: 04:42:12

Adam Jablin

I mean, it was my master. It, it owned me. but it it's a progressive disease,

:: 04:49:09

Adam Jablin

to to be qualified as a disease in the medical. Some people don't know this, so I rather like we could share it as brothers. Something to qualify as a medical disease

:: 04:58:11

Adam Jablin

you have to have four qualifications. So you have to be one.

:: 05:00:21

Adam Jablin

You have to be progressive. Over time, it will get worse too. You have to be chronic, meaning it's always there. It's always there. The third is you have to be primed or not secondary. So an example for me would be

:: 05:14:03

Adam Jablin

I got in an accident and then I drank that secondary primary would be I drank and then I drove my car into the bowl.

:: 05:21:20

Adam Jablin

Right. So you have to be primary. In the fourth

:: 05:24:14

Adam Jablin

component to be a medical disease is if you have to be fatal, it has to be able to kill you. Now you lose one of those. You have a disorder. And those are those are bad enough.

:: 05:33:23

Adam Jablin

so, you know, the disease of alcoholism, addiction is real.

:: 05:38:00

Pat McCalla

Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

:: 05:39:13

Pat McCalla

You know, before we turn on the cameras, you and I were talking about this, and I wasn't sure if you would agree with this or not, because I've always said I think everybody has an addiction. we sometimes look at someone with a chemical addiction and go, I remember I heard a guy once tell me this. He goes, I don't understand someone with addictions.

:: 05:55:06

Pat McCalla

And he was talking about someone with a chemical addictions. And I didn't say it to him. If I could go back in time now, I'd go, what are you talking about?

:: 06:01:07

Pat McCalla

We all have addictions. And you would agree with that.

:: 06:04:14

Adam Jablin

100%. You know,

:: 06:06:18

Adam Jablin

nowadays, I think one of the easiest things to do would be with like, let's say, technology. Right. And you could ask somebody, how often are they picking up their phones, but they can be addicted to an old story, an old pattern, an old behavior, a certain food, a certain regimen, you know, so it it comes in many, many different facets shopping, gambling, technology, alcoholism, addiction, your own story, your own belief systems.

:: 06:32:22

Adam Jablin

But we're all addicted, wanting.

:: 06:34:13

Pat McCalla

So? So let's jump in then. Because you do a lot of coaching, you've done some you really have done it for almost 18 years. But really the last 4 or 5 years full

:: 06:42:17

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 07:29:20

Adam Jablin

Okay, so leading into it, you said, like, let's say this person now is aware that it's an addiction. They're aware. Okay,

:: 07:37:03

Adam Jablin

so the.

:: 07:37:14

Adam Jablin

First thing.

:: 07:38:15

Pat McCalla

if you want to back up, Adam, go ahead, because

:: 07:41:11

Adam Jablin

No no no, no,

:: 07:42:20

Adam Jablin

this is great. This is great.

:: 07:45:01

Adam Jablin

So now there's the awareness right? There's the accept. There's the inmates. So the first thing I would want them to do in a really, really practical way is I want them to share about it. I want them to talk talk about it. Because when we share things together, we cut it in half. Now both of us are holding it

:: 08:02:14

Adam Jablin

okay.

:: 08:04:00

Adam Jablin

We call it now. We're both holding it now. My

:: 08:08:20

Adam Jablin

truly practical approach is, and you don't have to be a believer. But I truly believe that when you straighten out spiritually, the physical and the mental will follow. And I'll give you an example. I know many people that want to start with the physical first, and they get into sick shape, okay.

:: 08:28:13

Adam Jablin

But they but what happens is they either become addicted to something else or now they're starting to deal. Yeah, they're shredded or she looks. But whatever the story is, but they haven't dealt with the core issue of what's really going on. And it and then killing themselves literally end up killing themselves. So the body looks great, but the mind in in the spirit our next.

:: 08:49:18

Adam Jablin

So I would want to really start in a way that we're going to start, a prayer and meditation practice. And it's not going to be heavy lifting and it's not going to be weird. You mean I could you can literally say God or higher power or universe. I don't even believe in you. I don't even I don't even believe in you.

:: 09:08:20

Adam Jablin

But I'm doing this because it's told to me, right? And we're going to start just sitting down and breathing. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. And and we're going to start that way and we're going to start sitting and breathing. And I'll usually send them some sort of spiritual text or spiritual message or. Right. And then we're going to start to uncover what's really going on inside of them.

:: 09:27:16

Adam Jablin

I like to call it the causes and conditions. So we're going to we're going to go through the whole story. We're going to go through the whole story, and we're going to find patterns of how this thing manifests in different ways at different times in their lives. You know, I mean, because the alcohol, the drugs or whatever the addiction is,

:: 09:45:00

Adam Jablin

is really not the problem.

:: 09:47:18

Adam Jablin

It's what's fixing the problem.

:: 09:50:01

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 09:52:02

Adam Jablin

It's it's fixed, you know, for them, it's the solution.

:: 09:55:08

Adam Jablin

so I usually use this example, but if, if our loved one was really, really sick and we knew it and the fevers, but, you know, they weren't feeling well for a long time, but now they have a fever. It's 104 and we bring them to the hospital.

:: 10:11:06

Adam Jablin

We're like, that's it. The first thing they're going to do is lower the fever. They can't just go right in and find out what the causes. So first we're going to lower the fever. Then now that the body is is regulated, now that the mind, body and spirit are regulated, now we're going to go into what are the core conditions of how this manifested in your life.

:: 10:31:03

Adam Jablin

You know, and and little by slowly we'll work on things like the body. And getting yourself into a better physical state will work on what you're focusing on. You know, where where you put your focus, where you put your attention to or work on your Languaging we're going to double down on the spirituality. We're going to start putting all these components in,

:: 10:50:11

Adam Jablin

you know.

:: 10:55:08

Adam Jablin

Yes, way, way more self-talk.

:: 10:58:03

Adam Jablin

So as we discussed before, we jumped on, I'm a kid from Jersey, so I still speak like I'm from Jersey. I really mean, what's going on in here. Right. And also sometimes what what you say, you know, so many people will say limiting limiting beliefs or limiting things and you say it enough,

:: 11:17:06

Adam Jablin

it's going to happen.

:: 11:18:14

Pat McCalla

yeah.

:: 11:19:09

Pat McCalla

Do you find Adam that most people don't realize how much they're doing that?

:: 11:24:23

Adam Jablin

100%, including myself.

:: 11:27:09

Pat McCalla

Yeah. Me too. Me too.

:: 11:29:02

Pat McCalla

Just the last few years.

:: 11:30:17

Pat McCalla

I've been trying to pay more attention to my self-talk, and,

:: 11:34:17

Pat McCalla

I don't think most people in my life would put up with me if I talked to them. The way I talk to myself, but I've never really paid attention that closely to how sometimes negative my self-talk is and how and how hard I am on myself.

:: 11:47:13

Pat McCalla

So I was wondering that. So in the in your coaching, you found that most people

:: 11:52:10

Pat McCalla

don't really realize how much negative self-talk they have.

:: 11:55:20

Adam Jablin

100%. Because it's. It's all in the disease. The addiction lives in the mind. It lives in the that. That's where it really is.

:: 12:07:01

Adam Jablin

once you stop the pattern, you stop the using you, you know, you get off the vicious cycle and the body starts to heal. Well, how do you explain cravings? How do you explain thoughts?

:: 12:18:11

Adam Jablin

How do you like what? It's here. It's all in here. So we have to, you know, there's so much different languaging nowadays. You have you can reprogram it, you can rewire. But the bottom line is, is you're going to work on it. You're going to work on it.

:: 12:32:08

Pat McCalla

that's the key, isn't it, Adam? That it takes work? It's not going to be easy.

:: 12:36:20

Adam Jablin

Bro I'm still working on it to this day. You know I'm still working on it to this day. You know, I never try to turn people off. So I'll usually you say the master or the Messiah or the carpenter, but there's a there's a part in the Gospels where he says, you know, watch out for what comes out of your mouth than what you put in your mouth.

:: 12:56:00

Adam Jablin

And I think that belongs now to these times more than ever. I think people care more about their macros. Or what if something's organic than they do about how they how what what they're saying about themselves and what they're saying about others.

:: 13:07:15

Pat McCalla

For sure?

:: 13:08:16

Pat McCalla

For sure. What? Wisdom. From: 2000

:: 13:11:21

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 13:16:14

Adam Jablin

I'll tell you, that guy, you know, whatever you think about him, he knew what he was talking about.

:: 13:52:21

Host

Yeah.

:: 14:00:01

Adam Jablin

That's the fun part,

:: 14:09:10

Adam Jablin

This is what I would call the initiation process. Right? This is where Luke starts learning the force. This is where, you know, Mr. Anderson or Neo. They plug him in and he wakes up. He's like, I know kung fu. what they start discovering is what's truly possible, what's truly possible. And I mean, in every area, right?

:: 14:33:19

Adam Jablin

Be it their home life with their children, finances, what they want to do with their lives, their careers, the family. Like it. Once you start opening the possibilities. That's what I believe. That's where the fun part starts, you know, and you get to find out what's their driving force, what's their real motivation. You what what's what's their mission in life?

:: 14:57:06

Adam Jablin

What's their purpose. You know, and we do exercises, exercises like this. We write out a mission statement, like the way the Navy Seals have a creed. You know, we write out a mission statement and a purpose, and we start removing these, blow these roadblocks that are lying within them. You know, some of my literature that we use for recovery, you know, they used to use the word I love those we remove, we we used to block the sunlight of the spirit.

:: 15:23:08

Adam Jablin

It said we were blocking it. So God's grace is always being offered. It's us that doesn't receive it.

:: 15:29:20

Pat McCalla

Absolutely. So do you, do you find

:: 15:32:21

Pat McCalla

that people are usually willing like by the time they come to you as a coach, are they willing to put in the work. Because again I want to go back to that because I know I've seen this in my life. It takes a lot of work. Most of the lies that we are telling ourselves took root when we were little children, wouldn't you say?

:: 15:49:14

Pat McCalla

Like we didn't even really recognize it. Internal vows. We took, lies we believed. And so we've been living those out, maybe for decades. So for me to change that, for you to change that for the people you work with, change, it's going to take a lot of work by the time they come to you are most of willing to do it.

:: 16:06:05

Pat McCalla

Or do you say there's a high percentage that just

:: 16:08:14

Adam Jablin

They're willing. And I think one of, You know, all of us have our special gifts, you know? I mean, I was not born six, six. I can't shoot with my tongue out on a fade away. Like we all have our unique, special gifts. And I think one of the things that I'm able to do is be extremely vulnerable with them.

:: 16:27:13

Adam Jablin

I even though what you just said, I remember when I was ten, I was I was the fat kid growing up, you know, I mean, my dad used to call me Old Trouble. there was a movie back in the 80s called The Goonies, and my friends would have me do the chunk shuffle. Yeah.

:: 16:40:09

Adam Jablin

And one night, my dad, you know, you're young and staying up with your dad was like, cool.

:: 16:44:20

Adam Jablin

My dad was like, you want to stay up with me? And I just. I remember it like yesterday. And he he played Rocky three. And it was when Stallone was against Mr. T and Stallone was just shredded. I mean, in Adonis and I remember this fat kid, me staring at it, just being and mesmerized and just I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

:: 17:06:02

Adam Jablin

And I was like, if I could look like that, all my problems would go away. And that became the first commandment of my life. It wasn't the sacred Ten Commandments. That was that was what this little boy made. The decision that literally directed his entire life until he was 30 years old and in rehab.

:: 17:26:13

Pat McCalla

And at ten

:: 17:27:02

Adam Jablin

It was all about image, image, image.

:: 17:35:17

Adam Jablin

I don't know.

:: 17:42:23

Adam Jablin

Exactly. So

:: 17:44:05

Adam Jablin

I'll speak to them like that and I'll open up like that to them. And when they see me be vulnerable, and when they see that I'm just like them, I'm just 18 years down the road. That's the only difference between us. I'm you, but I'm 18 years down the road, so that means I know where the pitfalls are.

:: 18:00:17

Adam Jablin

I know where the trip wire is. I know where the booby traps are lying. So when I make a left like I'm doing. Because I don't want you to get hurt.

:: 18:08:07

Pat McCalla

yeah for sure.

:: 18:09:13

Pat McCalla

Well you talk about fear of failure. That came up when I was scrolling through social media. And I've seen some of your posts recently that comes up pretty often. And I think as an audience we would we would probably all resonate go, yeah, I, I struggle with that. So I want you to talk a little bit about that too, and how we overcome that.

:: 18:25:05

Pat McCalla

And then I want to ask you another question. Follow up question. Do you think there's such thing as fear of success? We always hear fear of failure. Is there a fear of success. So

:: 18:33:17

Adam Jablin

So a lot of times what I'm talking about is what I'm actually dealing with. Right. Like, so I'm not I really want people to know that if they ever do enjoy my content. You know, one of the reasons I'm talking about is because I'm dealing with it.

:: 18:46:23

Adam Jablin

I'm I'm just like you. I'm just like you. I haven't mastered this. I haven't mastered this thing called life. If I've mastered it, I'd be. He'd take me away. He'd be like, your time here is done. So the fear of failure is. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. And it's. It stops us from taking that risk from taking that jump, taking that leap.

:: 19:11:23

Adam Jablin

Now, for many of us, it could be I'm putting my credit card down. I really believe in this. I, I have to build this out. I have to do this once in my life. You see it as a fear. The fear of failure is it really comes in the financial area for that. Certain people. Right. Like, I want to do this.

:: 19:31:19

Adam Jablin

I believe in it. I know I'm capable of it, but it's going to take what and it it manifests in a way of oh my God, here comes the money here. Right? But it's not really a financial insecurity. It really. Because if you believed, if you really believed, it'd be a no brainer. It'd be a no brainer. So a lot of times I'll even do with my clients, like, especially when they're dealing with fear, is that I had a guy call me the other day from the office and me, and he works for this huge company, and he used to just go to Google.

:: 20:04:03

Adam Jablin

He was going through it, and his boss is superior, who's an icon that we all know was in and wanted answers. And he just couldn't get out of his head. I'm like, okay, do me, do me a favor. I'm like, you have a coin or a pen? And he's like, yeah, I got a pen. I'm like, put it down, put down the floor.

:: 20:19:13

Adam Jablin

He goes, okay, you put that on the floor, okay, pick it up. He goes, okay, all right, do it again. Put the floor right. He goes, okay, it's okay. And I go pick it up. The he thinks I have some magic trick going up my sleeve. Right. I might put that on the floor is okay. I don't know the pick it up.

:: 20:36:06

Adam Jablin

He picked it. He goes, okay, okay. So ago now when you were doing those actions week, was there ever a time that you didn't believe that you could do it? Did you ever think, oh my God, I don't know if I could bend down to the floor and pick that thing up? I, and now he now he wants me to put it back down.

:: 20:50:23

Adam Jablin

I just don't know if I could bend over again. Did you ever have any. He's like, no, not at all. I'm like

:: 20:55:09

Adam Jablin

That's because you knew you could do it.

:: 20:57:09

Pat McCalla

Yeah. Yeah.

:: 20:59:06

Pat McCalla

Aren't you glad that he hadn't done leg day the day before and

:: 21:02:04

Adam Jablin

Yeah, I got focused on that one. Right.

:: 21:05:18

Adam Jablin

And totally. And what I had to do was install that thinking of, you're going to walk in this office, you're going to tell the truth. You're going to see what's going on with these projects. You're not going to be this is this. And

:: 21:17:07

Adam Jablin

Get out of your head. Your job is just to go explain to him what's going on.

:: 21:22:21

Pat McCalla

you're saying that that with fear of failure, that's what we're it always our often comes in. Right. It's we're in our

:: 21:28:02

Adam Jablin

That's what's going on.

:: 21:30:05

Adam Jablin

if you really believe, you do whatever that action is. I'm not saying the fear won't be there. The fear will still stay. It's like jumping out of an airplane. But the courage will override.

:: 21:44:04

Pat McCalla

And I think you make a really good point there, because I think sometimes people are waiting for the fear to go away. And what you're saying is the fear isn't going to go away. It's you're going to do this in spite of the fear in the face of fear. Right? I did jump out of an airplane once, and I can remember going up like you're talking about, you know, the, the, the planes going up, and then you see the hear the engine kind of cut out to slow down.

:: 22:07:02

Pat McCalla

And they open up the door and I scooch over to the side. It was a tandem jump, and the guys strapped to my back and my legs are hanging over and I'm going like, this just got real. Like before. It was just an idea. Now I'm supposed to, like, push myself out into this, you know, 10,000ft above the ground.

:: 22:25:04

Pat McCalla

But to do that, to push, it's just it's not the fear is going away. And then I'm going to jump. I'm going to jump with the fear.

:: 22:32:09

Adam Jablin

100%. And also what happens is, let's say you can use the jumping out of a plane. Or. You know what else is great? if we if you and I have kids or other people listening, have kids, watch them try to jump off a high dive for the first time. And and, you know, it's paralyzing. And maybe through peer pressure or their friends doing it, they they jump.

:: 22:52:03

Adam Jablin

And then the second time watch the the hesitation. But then about five hours later when you're at the pool, watch how quickly they love. Right. It's it's you have to you have to lean in. You have to lean in to conquer the fear. It's not going to be the first time that could be. It may not even be the third time, but eventually you're going to just jump off that high dive over and over and over.

:: 23:15:02

Pat McCalla

Yeah.

:: 23:15:20

Pat McCalla

You know, and so interesting that you bring up kids because I think when you watch Little kids and we probably learn more in our first 2 or 3 years of life than we ever do again. And one of the reasons is because there is so little fear of failure. Like a kid isn't worried about, okay, if I try to walk and I stumble and fall down, I'm going to look stupid.

:: 23:33:23

Pat McCalla

They don't care, right? They just keep trying and do it. And so you look at that time in our life where there's probably the least amount of fear of failure that we'll ever have, and we end up learning at a greater rate than ever, which probably proves again, your point, right?

:: 23:48:09

Adam Jablin

Yeah, yeah, I think, but you illustrated it beautifully, you know, or pay attention to children.

:: 23:53:15

Adam Jablin

and so the fear that failure, fear of failure is real. It's real, and it can manifest this way in 100 different ways, you know, I mean, millions of different ways.

:: 24:06:09

Adam Jablin

But the way we overcome it is we really have to believe in and have to take a leap of faith.

:: 24:12:16

Pat McCalla

Yeah.

:: 24:13:13

Pat McCalla

So can I ask you you can we we can edit this out if you want. I want to ask if maybe you'd be transparent where you said, hey, usually when I'm talking about things just because I'm dealing with them. So I've

:: 24:24:13

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 24:38:00

Adam Jablin

Not at all.

:: 24:39:16

Adam Jablin

I'll be as transparent as you want. So?

:: 24:42:21

Adam Jablin

every time you get here, the game doesn't end. You want to go here, and then you want to go here, and. And you want to make a bigger impact, and you want to help more people and you want. So I built this thing called the Hero Project. It was successful.

:: 24:59:02

Adam Jablin

It is successful. It has legs. It's real. It. But, you know, to become a bigger business, to be bigger platform, to be able to help more people, to actually have something that has a real, a real economic engine underneath it where I'm not a solo, you know, Preneur with this, a few assistants, but have so you know, it, it's, again, a financial risk.

:: 25:22:19

Adam Jablin

It's something that I'm like, I believe in my cause. I believe in my mission. The this is where my dollars are going to go. This is right. And I'm very proud of who I am. And I'm very proud of my success. But I'm also I'm financially independent. I could do a lot of amazing things, but I'm not financially free, meaning I don't fly private.

:: 25:44:21

Adam Jablin

It also means when my daughter decides to go out of school to Indiana instead of, a Florida based college. Okay, there is a chunk of change, but my son also has camp, and that's a chunk of change that

:: 25:55:22

Adam Jablin

actually have to live within a budget. That's where I'm at in life. I'm not ashamed of it at all, not ashamed of it at all.

:: 26:04:15

Adam Jablin

I'm not the guy flying a private jet. I'm not the guy buying ten cars. I'm. That's not me. Right? I I'm financially independent. I have a beautiful life of a filling life, but there's a certain amount. And then you have to put more out that may be coming in. And,

:: 26:20:19

Adam Jablin

there's a fear in that, you know, and I have fears in relationships and I have, you know, there's fear.

:: 26:27:09

Adam Jablin

There's 100% fear.

:: 26:29:16

Pat McCalla

a theme that I heard you saying through that is confronting comfort, right? That you get to a certain level and to go to the next level. It's it's you get a little comfortable here, right. Like it it was uncomfortable getting there. But when you get there and you're there for a little bit now it's comfortable. This is normal.

:: 26:47:02

Pat McCalla

This is the new normal. But to go to the next level, like you're saying, you're going to have to confront comfort again, aren't you?

:: 26:53:04

Adam Jablin

Every time in every time. And I wish because I see it in you. And I know I have it. I wish for me, emotionally, I had that feeling of, you know, when you

:: 27:07:17

Adam Jablin

put an extra 5 pounds on, on the bar, you still there wasn't really fear.

:: 27:13:19

Adam Jablin

There was more of, like, an excitement and an adrenaline and a focus and. And if I feel okay, the spiders there and I wish I could do that in other areas of my life, join me. Because it would be a great example, right? God could be the spotter and all I got to do, but I haven't yet been able to totally transfer that feeling of I'm going to go for it.

:: 27:39:01

Adam Jablin

You, I mean, to for me, it's emotional, it's praying and it's meditating. It's okay. Here we go. It's it, you know, and my brain will want to go to my failures, not to my successes. Always wants to go to my failures. Always. That's how my brain's wired.

:: 27:53:15

Pat McCalla

You can have ten successes and one failure. You know you can dwell on the failure right?

:: 27:57:07

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 28:29:22

Adam Jablin

No doubt about it.

:: 28:31:01

Adam Jablin

the more transparent I am. And the more you and I talk about this. And the more I deal with these things. It really helps with my clients. Because now I'm extremely empathetic to where they are. I know exactly how they feel. I'm just dealing with it in another area of my life.

:: 28:44:22

Adam Jablin

And I'm going through this, you know? I mean, then they can go through.

:: 28:50:03

Pat McCalla

one of the things I love about you and I could tell again, if we if we lived in the same state, we'd be hanging out often, buddy. But

:: 28:56:14

Adam Jablin

And you.

:: 28:57:08

Pat McCalla

that,

:: 28:58:01

Pat McCalla

you're just transparent. You're. And it's almost like you're saying, hey, I'm a fellow human being. I struggle with things. I know you struggle with things. Let's link arms and do this thing together.

:: 29:09:00

Pat McCalla

And we're not. We're in a education that's never going to have a graduation, right? We're not going to graduate from this education we're in called life.

:: 29:16:08

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 29:17:18

Adam Jablin

That that for me.

:: 29:19:17

Adam Jablin

That's been the key to my success. is is really being the more authentic I could be, and the more Adam I can be in less try to to use somebody else's words or persona or training materials or whatever you could think of that we learn on our journey. But the more I can be my myself, the better I can help somebody else.

:: 29:43:14

Adam Jablin

Not that I don't learn along the way and adopt different modalities, but I adopted and use them as my own. I can't just take what's a big me? Tony Robbins teachings and and teach them like they're my teachings. You know, I it's it's

:: 30:00:09

Adam Jablin

it's stealing. but be it it will it will it won't affect them.

:: 30:06:17

Adam Jablin

It won't match. It's not.

:: 30:07:22

Adam Jablin

Me.

:: 30:09:04

Pat McCalla

And it almost takes our conversation full circle, because the reason that you, Adam, can be comfortable and and teaching training from how you're wired is because you discipline yourself with your self-talk and, the things you're saying about yourself, and you become a little more comfortable. We're never going to arrive, but a little more comfortable about who God made you to be.

:: 30:31:03

Pat McCalla

You know, you're not Tony Robbins.

:: 30:33:01

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 30:38:14

Adam Jablin

That's. That's got to be it. That's. That's all I got. You know? I'm not alone. I'm not. You know, I'm. I'm that

:: 30:44:11

Adam Jablin

to make sure that we address everything you said, I think fear of success is just, is just as big in some ways as a fear of failure. Because what I have seen personally is that that's where you get to really, really see how much you care about other people's opinions of you.

:: 31:08:03

Adam Jablin

And you get to see how well your communication skills are, too. Because if that's within the house, you have to let that spouse know we're doing it together. You know, I love you. We're on this. I'm not going to leave you. I'm I'm still me. You know me. But but if you can't have those conversations, it's very vulnerable, open conversations.

:: 31:30:14

Adam Jablin

And you start realizing, well, what is this going to look like? And where does someone go say bye bye social media page? And what is something you say? Well, that you really care more about others opinions of you than you do about

:: 31:40:03

Adam Jablin

you know what's going on in here.

:: 31:42:07

Pat McCalla

you think that's where fear of success comes from?

:: 31:44:20

Adam Jablin

I think that's the most common one I've seen. but, you know, it probably manifests itself in, in many, many different ways. Maybe. Can I handle it?

:: 31:57:02

Adam Jablin

a lot of it's just the unknown. What does this look like? Right? Like, what does this look like? Do I move? What, like it? Just a yeah.

:: 32:07:16

Adam Jablin

but the ones, the people that are attracted to my message or my coaching and it tends to be a lot more about other people's opinions for, for their success thing.

:: 32:19:19

Pat McCalla

know that, you know, you know my history. I've worked with a lot of people too, worked in faith

:: 32:25:04

Adam Jablin

Yeah. Of course, of course.

:: 32:27:06

Pat McCalla

counseling type stuff, not an official counselor. But I would say that man it's got to be 90% plus, maybe even a lot higher than that. That's their struggle.

:: 32:38:05

Pat McCalla

Worried about what

:: 32:38:23

Adam Jablin

Yeah,

:: 32:39:18

Pat McCalla

In fact, I remember Adam sitting down with a lady. She was, one of the wisest people I've ever met. She was in her 70s. And I asked her, I said, if you could go back and do life again, what would you do? And she said, I would care a lot less what other people thought or how they told me to live my life.

:: 32:59:14

Pat McCalla

I would live my life more how I believe God wants me to live my life. So she here's a 70 year old saying, I spent most of my life trying to live my life, according to other people's opinions.

:: 33:10:02

Adam Jablin

Yeah. My dad. Well.

:: 33:12:19

Adam Jablin

Yeah. My dad taught me that lesson. my dad's a car guy.

:: 33:17:05

Adam Jablin

And so I tell you, I was third generation and my grandfather started. The first model of this was a captain in the navy. Suit and tie everyday, but very humble. Never went above a Cadillac, but did well, but had had certain belief systems right. Spent his money later, but not on those things.

:: 33:34:19

Adam Jablin

And and one day my grandfather was extremely critical of my father who was crushing,

:: 33:41:10

Adam Jablin

And my father finally realized there's nothing I can do to get this guy's approval or to be happy.

:: 33:48:22

Adam Jablin

And he went out. He's a car like you. Like what you like. I'm not a car. That's not work. But he's. And he the day he went out and bought his first Ferrari was the data.

:: 34:00:15

Adam Jablin

He a he was proud of himself. And B he was like I don't give

:: 34:03:15

Adam Jablin

any do you. And that shows you how close it can be. It could be your father's opinion, your mother's opinion, your spouse's opinion. Yeah. But there's just you care about other people and your perception. And when he did that, it actually just created more because he was more himself.

:: 34:23:16

Adam Jablin

He wasn't trying to be my grandfather. He he finally came out and was who he was.

:: 34:29:02

Pat McCalla

man.

:: 34:29:17

Pat McCalla

A huge step in life when we can overcome. That isn't

:: 34:33:00

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 34:33:13

Pat McCalla

step in life for sure.

:: 34:34:20

Pat McCalla

For sure. Because

:: 34:35:09

Pat McCalla

We're a slave to others. If we're always trying to live according to their opinions of us or what we think their opinions of us, I think sometimes we spend so much time thinking that people have this opinion of us, and they're probably not even thinking about us.

:: 34:47:23

Adam Jablin

100.

:: 34:48:08

Adam Jablin

Percent. I have a friend you'd love.

:: 34:50:10

Adam Jablin

If.

:: 34:50:21

Adam Jablin

He had he constantly. One of his favorite lines is nobody cares.

:: 34:55:10

Adam Jablin

Sick.

:: 34:56:00

Adam Jablin

Nobody cares, nobody cares. Whatever you did, nobody cares. And nobody cares. You know? Tells me all the time. Nobody cares.

:: 35:05:19

Pat McCalla

That's a great line. I need to get a

:: 35:07:09

Adam Jablin

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

:: 35:10:17

Pat McCalla

at it. Remind myself of that.

:: 35:22:17

Pat McCalla

Well, Adam, hey, thank you so much for being on no gray areas today. How do people get a hold of you? I think certainly our audience is probably been inspired. What would they do to find you?

:: 35:32:16

Adam Jablin

Yeah, I listen, you and I are a later stage of the game, so I try to make this easy for myself. It's Adam Javelin at all platforms. So it's websites Adam javelin Instagram is Adam javelin take that you know which I still can't figure that one out. link you also just Adam javelin and, And you'll reach me and me or anybody on my team will get back to you within 24 hours.

:: 35:55:02

Adam Jablin

Especially if you're suffering.

:: 35:56:21

Pat McCalla

Okay. Adam. Javelin. They can go to any of the social media platforms. Your website

:: 36:01:12

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 36:12:19

Adam Jablin

Let's do it. Here you go.

:: 36:19:22

Adam Jablin

Okay, okay, here we go. I wore a Superman shirt every day for the first five years I was alive.

:: 36:31:10

Adam Jablin

number two is

:: 36:33:19

Adam Jablin

I once did 15 pills of ecstasy in eight ball of cocaine and drank a bottle of tequila and was able to repeat it the second day.

:: 36:44:05

Pat McCalla

Wow. Okay.

:: 36:45:11

Adam Jablin

my third thing about me is. Oh, is that about 90% of my clothes are black.

:: 36:54:08

Pat McCalla

We both

:: 36:56:19

Adam Jablin

Yeah.

:: 36:58:03

Pat McCalla

truth.

:: 36:58:17

Pat McCalla

Is that true? The last one.

:: 37:00:12

Adam Jablin

The first two are true.

:: 37:02:12

Adam Jablin

I would say maybe 50% of my clothes are black.

:: 37:05:05

Pat McCalla

Oh. Oh, you got me that. You got me that. You're wearing

:: 37:08:10

Adam Jablin

I try to do a little.

:: 37:10:00

Adam Jablin

You know what? I put the.

:: 37:11:10

Adam Jablin

Show here, and I write.

:: 37:12:19

Adam Jablin

But the Superman nonsense and,

:: 37:16:10

Adam Jablin

And the the two days in a row that I really should be dead.

:: 37:20:07

Adam Jablin

1,000% true.

:: 37:21:22

Pat McCalla

So I was going to go with Superman being true because I see Superman behind you. You obviously love Superman. So I was going to go with that being true. I was going to go with the middle one being a lie. But

:: 37:30:16

Pat McCalla

you live that out. You live two days of that.

:: 37:33:04

Adam Jablin

Yeah, bro. As a matter of fact, in my book, lots of holy. There's one fabrication in the whole book. There's one. I talk about it now, but I didn't back then. because I want to be. I want if I was going to write a memoir for it to be. I want everyone to know exactly who I was.

:: 37:51:11

Adam Jablin

And the one thing I lied about was the amount that I did, because I knew if I put the real amount a it can make people think that they could do that

:: 38:02:00

Adam Jablin

or be it would, it would just be like, get

:: 38:05:17

Adam Jablin

you get the

:: 38:06:07

Pat McCalla

Like

:: 38:06:12

Adam Jablin

out of here.

:: 38:07:18

Adam Jablin

You're a liar.

:: 38:08:22

Adam Jablin

So I, I minimize my alcohol and drug use. And it was still bad enough that people were like, okay, he's crazy,

:: 38:16:12

Adam Jablin

but that was the one thing that I did in my book was I didn't want people to think that these amounts were possible. And I wanted to make it readable and believable to the reader.

:: 38:28:16

Adam Jablin

But the truth of it is, I was worse than when I put my book.

:: 38:32:16

Pat McCalla

Wow.

:: 38:33:08

Pat McCalla

Well, Adam. Hey. Thank you so much, man. I really, really appreciate it.

:: 38:36:12

Pat McCalla

if we go to, your website, can we get that book you're talking about? I love

:: 38:40:01

Adam Jablin

yeah, yeah, I'll send you a bunch.

:: 38:42:01

Pat McCalla

Adam. Hey, thanks so much, man.

:: 38:44:08

Adam Jablin

Thank you. It was awesome. It was awesome bonding with you. This is great.

:: 38:48:01

Host

what an amazing episode that was. As we conclude this interview, let's carry forward Adam's wisdom, remembering that true success lies in embracing our vulnerability and supporting others alongside their journeys.

:: 39:00:11

Host

Thanks for tuning into the No Gray Areas podcast. We'll see you next time for another incredible episode.