Why Believing in Yourself Makes All the Difference | Ep. 72 with Ashley Losch
We’ve all been through our own traumas; whether physical, emotional, or spiritual. Life is full of adversities we can’t dodge, so it takes a positive and tenacious mindset to overcome them head-on.
Ashley Losh, former firefighter captain and social media guru, has demonstrated this mindset time and time again in her life. She talks through what it takes to be mentally and physically strong through valleys and setbacks to best thrive in your life.
Watch this inspirational interview to see the high-value reward you see from investing in yourself and how to transform self-doubt into achieving the things you want in life.
Be sure to like our podcast, share it with a friend, and leave a review!
You can also watch the video versions on our YouTube channel. Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out on the next inspiring and motivating interview!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbnC2rjEumGJhqy54qazFFw
Connect with us on social media for more engaging, inspiring, and motivating content.
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/nogreyareas_gagliano/
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/NoGreyAreas
TWITTER X: https://twitter.com/NoGreyAreas
EMAIL: info@nogreyareas.com
Transcript
Unknown
Do you know someone who's determined, who has that tenacity, that mindset of nothing is going to stop me? Or maybe that you today are no gray areas. We have a former firefighter, captain and social media guru, Ashley. Ashley will talk about what it takes to be mentally and physically strong through the ups and downs of life. Join us now.
::Unknown
Ashley, so good to have you on the No Gray Areas podcast for the audience. We're going to get into your story and how a lot of his overcoming disappointments, struggles, health issues.
::Unknown
And so there's
::Unknown
bit.
::Unknown
Then you
::Unknown
So walk us through that. Walk us through that. Sure.
::Unknown
So, yes, I grew up in Santa monica, California. Great little beach town, went to Santa monica High School. Just an awesome place to grow up.
::Unknown
And yeah, Santa monica High School fostered a lot of well known actors. Let's just say that. So the possibility of being an actor seemed really within reach. It didn't seem that far out there, and I acted since, gosh, I think I was eight when I joined the Santa monica. Okay.
::Unknown
This is just part of your growing
::Unknown
up. Absolutely.
::Unknown
You're
::Unknown
theater shows that are good. Okay. I started in theater and
::Unknown
I started performing at the Playhouse from the time like eight, eight years old. And at ten I was ushering at the playhouse on the side so that I could make a little money. I think we made like $5 a show or something. You get to get dressed up in costume and host a little birthday party at intermission and hand out cookies and punches.
::Unknown
Yeah, great. For a ten year old. But I was very much into the world of acting and then through high school, same thing. And so you were
::Unknown
you were pretty serious about this.
::Unknown
This wasn't
::Unknown
athlete, right?
::Unknown
out that's not going to happen. But you
::Unknown
Absolutely. Yes. There was no doubt in my mind that that is what I was going to do. In fact, one of my closest friends made it really big and has been in a lot of things. And you would know him if I said his name, but so grow. Take it. You're not going to say I can't. Yeah. So Ryan Hurst, he was on Sons of Anarchy.
::Unknown
Yeah, he was. Oh, yeah. He's been in a lot of movies and. And growing up, you went to school with him? Yeah. So he's a year ahead of me. We were really, really good friends. In fact, I helped him go on his first date with his wife. We? Oh, yeah, it was. You get a finder's fee? Unfortunately, I did not.
::Unknown
He didn't know. But,
::Unknown
you know, he was such an incredible actor and getting to work with him, it was inspiring for me. And it made me believe that I could do it, too, because I knew he would be big. So
::Unknown
did that start shifting then? When did
::Unknown
you decide, I'm not going to do this, and then you
::Unknown
doctor, Right? Right. So
::Unknown
getting ready to graduate from high school, I'm looking at the landscape of what what's going to be next. And honestly, the idea that an actor doesn't have an income just terrified me. And you really have to bat 100% on yourself. Yeah. Every single day to make it.
::Unknown
And I had at that point done a handful of auditions for commercials and things and never was getting any traction. And it was like, I mean, this is a scary proposition. So I'm probably going to be what, a waitress while I'm waiting to try to be an actress. And yeah, and what does that life really look like? So I started to examine what were some of my other strengths, what of the things I was interested in, and I really liked medicine, and science was a strength.
::Unknown
So I looked at maybe I'll be a physical therapist, something of that nature, and found ASU.
::Unknown
So that's how you ended up in
::Unknown
Arizona. Okay. Here? Yeah. So they had the number one program in the country for exercise science at the time. And after Arizona, I went with nobody here. I didn't know a didn't know
::Unknown
a single
::Unknown
person.
::Unknown
So this was
::Unknown
That big move? Yeah. Yeah. My entire family still in California. So
::Unknown
friend. That's how we
::Unknown
Yes.
::Unknown
Oh, okay. To this day, yeah, for sure. Sure. That yeah. So
::Unknown
being a freshman in the dorms right away from home, it's new eating habits, if you can call them habits. Horrendous eating. Yeah, right. No sleeping, alcohol, all the things. And I started to have really bad abdominal pain and I went to the hospital a couple of times and they were like, You're constipated here to take some calls and nothing.
::Unknown
It just wasn't going away. It was bad. Was this
::Unknown
like almost all the time, like 24
::Unknown
seven? It would keep me going in the beginning. And then it got to the point where it was just unbearable.
::Unknown
went home to visit my parents. My mom took me to her gynecologist who was like, I think you have endometriosis, but we won't know unless we do some surgery.
::Unknown
That's the only way to confirm it,
::Unknown
really. So you
::Unknown
Now
::Unknown
and me understand what that is. Sure. So in the uterus, there is an endometrial lining. And when a female has a period, usually it sheds and it just kind of goes away and then it rebuilds, Right? So this is where it's kind of moving into endometrium, where they move out sometimes outside of the uterus, onto fallopian tubes.
::Unknown
They can get on ovaries. I've had some times where it's been in the cul de sac of my back and actually was like on a nerve. So
::Unknown
that's really rare. Oh my goodness. So it's kind
::Unknown
of moving into the
::Unknown
body and it can get on other organs and when it does sort of like eats away at it. So it's extremely painful, I imagine.
::Unknown
And yeah, it would come and go often with the period cycles. But she said we won't know for sure unless we have surgery. So we scheduled surgery for my sophomore year. It was at Christmas and I went in and she was like, it was it was really, really bad. Just everywhere.
::Unknown
So what does that mean? If you're a freshman in
::Unknown
somewhere in there, Right.
::Unknown
Well, at that point, they said you should have a hysterectomy. You're never going to be I'll have children. Your uterus is too destroyed. Basically, you've had so much damage. So just have a hysterectomy. You'll be done with all these problems. You won't have any pain and move on with your life.
::Unknown
Well, at 18, I'm like, Yeah, I don't know that I'm ready to give up the idea of having kids at that point. I obviously didn't want them yet, but what am I? Could it right? Am I going to. Yeah, I don't I don't like the word no, which is evident from my life. But I don't think anyone going through your life.
::Unknown
Yes. I just didn't I wasn't ready to say no. So rather than give up on that, I was like, well, I'll just keep having surgeries, I guess, or figure it out. And when I say I was in pain that first year, I was living on very low dose painkillers. I mean, low, low, low dose because I'm actually really allergic to them
::Unknown
and living on
::Unknown
It was all all day. No, I couldn't get out of bed. I wasn't making it to class like it was bad. I wasn't eating because I was vomiting from the painkillers. But yeah, like I said, very low dose. And even that was yeah, just pretty unbearable for me. And then found out post-surgery that I'm actually very allergic to all painkillers.
::Unknown
So no Vicodin, no Percocet, no morphine, none. I can't take any of that. So I just kind of have to muscle through it. Oh,
::Unknown
man.
::Unknown
Yeah, I
::Unknown
painkillers and you couldn't have them. You can't take them at all. No. So I've had six surgeries for endometriosis over the years, and no, I cannot take any pain.
::Unknown
I can do ibuprofen after surgery.
::Unknown
Well, how is that emotionally too then. Because. So you're that had to be
::Unknown
kind of
::Unknown
a roller coaster for you.
::Unknown
and you decided not to get a
::Unknown
hysterectomy, correct? No hysterectomy. And people did
::Unknown
you have people that you really value to their opinions that disagreed with you at that?
::Unknown
Or was everybody with you
::Unknown
on it? No,
::Unknown
I don't know that I was like super openly talking about it. Yeah, I think I was a little embarrassed. Obviously, my my parents my family was really involved. My mom, my first surgery, they gave me shots of it's called Lupron. I don't know if they still do this. I just remember my parents talking about it.
::Unknown
My mom was like, This is $500 a month to give her the shot. And the doctor was like, She needs it, right? She's got to have it for a year and it puts your body in menopause. So
::Unknown
I was 19 at that point, having hot flashes to the point in their fifties where I'm like, Oh God, I'm on the precipice of that.
::Unknown
But,
::Unknown
you know, I was literally it was so bad, I would have to just pull my clothes off and sit in front of a fan, just pouring sweat. Right. And emotional roller coasters, all of the stuff at 19. And you can't really explain it to people because they don't get it. And all you want to do is be a normal 19 year old sophomore in college, like having fun.
::Unknown
So yeah, it messed with my head for sure. And there was a point where I was like, Am I gonna make it through college? I'm not really sure. So fast forward a couple of years. I mean, you know, I did okay. I had that year of just crazy, weird hormones and crazy days, and then I was off meds and in that year, it started to come back and then, boom, I'm having another surgery again senior year.
::Unknown
And you start college with surgery and then college
::Unknown
Yeah. Yeah. And
::Unknown
pushed my graduation back a semester, so I didn't graduate in spring. I graduated the following December. And yeah, it was hard. There were classes I had to drop because it was just like, I physically can't make it to class. Yeah, but I wasn't going to not graduate.
::Unknown
And during that time I made the decision that I didn't want to be a physical therapist or a doctor, and instead I wanted to pursue firefighting.
::Unknown
And that was like toward the end of your college time
::Unknown
middle. So right around my junior year,
::Unknown
I started looking at other options and other things. And, and while I enjoyed the science, I realized that being in an office all day was not going to be something that I was really going to enjoy and thrive in, and that maybe this wasn't the right path and what did I want to do?
::Unknown
And at five I was in a car accident with my mom. And a long story short had said to my dad and my grandfather at the hospital like, I'm going to be a fireman when I grow up. My dad was like, Girls can't be firemen, honey. And he wasn't wrong. It was, you know, early eighties. I was right when females were getting in the in the business.
::Unknown
But in college I met a female firefighter and she said, yeah, I'm a firefighter. And I was like, Girls can't be firefighters.
::Unknown
At which point I wanted to pull those words back and put them in my mouth. And she was like, Yes, they can come to her right along. And
::Unknown
was hooked. I was like, okay, this is this is happening for me.
::Unknown
So yeah, that was about midway in college. But my parents were like, You will graduate. Okay, You will graduate. Okay, okay, well, we'll start testing, but I'll graduate.
::Unknown
was it difficult to get in at that time? So I asked
::Unknown
permission to put it in these words before we turn the lights on.
::Unknown
In some ways
::Unknown
You were an early adopter with this,
::Unknown
or you
::Unknown
That's how
::Unknown
Yes. I'm
::Unknown
Yeah,
::Unknown
but that had to be a struggle.
::Unknown
I didn't recognize that when I was going through the process of testing, I didn't recognize like, Oh, this is going to be harder for you or people are going to judge you more.
::Unknown
It was just, this is what I want, so this is what I'm going to go for and nothing's going to stop me and I'm going to do whatever I have to do. I also was a part of a female group called Rosie's Ladder. Shout out to Donna Fowler for getting that started. But we were local tours out of Phenix.
::Unknown
It was so now, oh gosh, I don't know the name of the group, but it's morphed into a women's group, basically. And kind of like a support sort of. So it's to get you physically ready for the job and to go skills. And so there were a handful of Phenix firefighters that were female and they held this every Sunday and you could go down.
::Unknown
And it was the first time I put a pair of turnouts on or turned a hydrant. So it didn't seem so foreign. And there were so many kickass women in that group. It was so inspiring. So I think maybe part of that being a part of that didn't I didn't realize that there were so few involved in the actual fires.
::Unknown
When was when
::Unknown
was the moment where or what was one of the situations where you realized, okay, this is there's going to be some
::Unknown
uphill battles with this? My very first fire,
::Unknown
was two and a half ish weeks on the job. So, you know, post academy on a truck actually out there, you're doing it right. And I was the eighth woman on my department when I got hired.
::Unknown
So not a ton of women that had come before me, but some really incredible women had come before me and definitely paved the path for my success. Yeah, but we're on on our first fire and it's the day after Easter and it's so it's hot. And we had run through three bottles, which for most people doesn't mean a lot.
::Unknown
been working hard probably in: ::Unknown
And one of the guys comes up with a hose line and just pummels me head to toe. I look like a drowned rat standing there. And he was like, That's what you get for not introducing yourself.
::Unknown
Noted. Yeah. Wow. I did. Yeah.
::Unknown
Wow. So you did 23 years.
::Unknown
22 plus in my former department. Okay. And then you retired at what?
::Unknown
I retired with 22. But then you were like a captain. Captain. Okay. Okay. So
::Unknown
us a little bit about your your your greatest moment and your least favorite moment in those years.
::Unknown
So my mentor got cancer
::Unknown
And he wasn't being covered for the cancer treatments through the city. And there's presumptive legislation and there's all these things. Right? And I was blessed to be a part of a group called Inter Worker Advocacy Program, and that was started by one of the captains in that department at the time. And he said, We're here to help people go through the workman's comp process because people that are going through this are hurt and or sick and home and trying to get better.
::Unknown
And there's timelines and there's legalities and there's paperwork, all the things they shouldn't have to think about or worry about. They should just be healing. And if no one tells you these things you don't know and then you're not going to be covered. Yeah. So he was extremely passionate about it. He had gone through it himself and was so kind to bring me into the fold.
::Unknown
And now a bunch of other people as well. And so when my mentor was diagnosed, I got very knowledgeable about presumptive laws and about cancer and, and all this stuff and when we got him covered, I will say that's probably the best moment of my career. Yeah.
::Unknown
What about your least.
::Unknown
so I will tell you. And any cop or firefighter will tell you is never ask them what the worst call is that they went on.
::Unknown
Okay, because they have to relive it. Yeah, right. Yeah. And it's traumatic. I'll tell you, because I've worked through my been through a lot of. But you know.
::Unknown
But let me pause
::Unknown
you there.
::Unknown
and the audience to know. That's really
::Unknown
you know, you sit down
::Unknown
it's a little triggering. Yeah, right. Because what's the thing you ask a cop the first time you meet him? Yeah. Ever shoot someone? Yeah.
::Unknown
Well, I don't ask that, but. Okay.
::Unknown
Right. But people say that. Oh, yeah, for sure. Often. For sure. Oh, shoot. Someone like. Like it's a badge of honor.
::Unknown
No officer goes to work and thinks Hope I get to use my gun. That's the last thing you want to do. And if they
::Unknown
do, they'll have to work through that the rest
::Unknown
of their life. That's what you're saying? That's what you're doing? Yeah. Yeah. Forever. Any
::Unknown
why,
::Unknown
And we've had a
::Unknown
And
::Unknown
life, whatever the
::Unknown
so
::Unknown
to hear that,
::Unknown
what's the worst call you've ever been on?
::Unknown
No, because what you're saying, you're right.
::Unknown
I'm going to recount it to you. I have to feel all the things if I haven't dealt with it yet, which I think fully have. But let's say I hadn't now that could really send someone into a tailspin for sure. And the things that we see people shouldn't know about.
::Unknown
And that's why we do our job right? A normal person on the street should never see or feel or deal with the things that we've seen. Yeah. And in 22 plus years I've seen a lot. But not everything. Because every time you're like, Oh, I've seen it all something and then another call comes in. But for me, the worst moment was a father that had shot his two children while they were sleeping in their beds, and he recorded himself doing it and then shot himself, recorded it, and left it for his wife to find.
::Unknown
And when we got there, policy had changed after this call. But when we got there, PD was like, One of you goes in to call all of them. We just need you to go in and pronounce them.
::Unknown
But we can't have the footprints of multiple people and we don't want the traffic because we don't see a crime scene.
::Unknown
So I went in by myself and
::Unknown
so I it was it was tough. And we ended up having to stay forever because they couldn't have someone come take photographs of my boots. The but they needed the pictures of the bottom of my boots for the forensic stuff. So we just remained on scene for a really, really long time.
::Unknown
And honestly, that call didn't hit me right away. It was like ten years later.
::Unknown
that what is true of trauma often? Right. Like, that's what's so surprising and exhausting
::Unknown
responders,
::Unknown
years really,
::Unknown
did
::Unknown
on?
::Unknown
100%. In fact, I was like,
::Unknown
I don't get what's happening right now. Yeah. And I went to our peer support team. One of my good friends was part of it and I was, I think, a messed up. And he was like, What do you mean? I was like, I can't. Something about this call. And he's like, This is how it goes, right?
::Unknown
But that was a decade later. Yeah,
::Unknown
And I will tell you, people were so kind to me. The day after that call, I got more phone calls from people in my department like, Hey, are you okay? That was really rough. I'm like, I'm fine. And you weren't him. I wasn't. It's funny, we were talking about your son earlier who's just got, like, what you feel like is just this natural empathy.
::Unknown
My mom tells me I'm not empathetic at all because I won't. She'll tell me some story or she'll be experiencing something. And I'm like, okay. And I think part of that is the job. Like you have to desensitize. If I felt every call that we went on or all the emotions of the family surrounded by them, I wouldn't last a month.
::Unknown
There is no way. Absolutely.
::Unknown
That's why anybody that's hung around a group of first responders usually leaves shocked
::Unknown
when I can't
::Unknown
at. We have to. You do. You do. And it
::Unknown
you're right. It can
::Unknown
doesn't just seem like it.
::Unknown
It is.
::Unknown
Okay. So I was going to
::Unknown
but I just realized
::Unknown
They were all fire department.
::Unknown
them. And with them,
::Unknown
tears falling down. And I got
::Unknown
we were laughing about.
::Unknown
coping.
::Unknown
with them and shouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. How do you take a toll for sure. Yeah.
::Unknown
Yeah.
::Unknown
How did you walk through that? And ten years later
::Unknown
I got hooked up with an exceptional therapist. She was fantastic. And I did some EMDR, which, truth be told, wasn't the best for me. After a handful of sessions where we were doing it, I was like, I can't be back in like, it's not going away for me.
::Unknown
A lot of people, they're able to kind of just move that out of the front of the Rolodex and and not continue to feel it. That didn't work for me. More talk therapy. Go figure. Anyone that knows me
::Unknown
talking talk is my thing. Talking helps, but
::Unknown
I was just able to kind of process it and work through it and.
::Unknown
Yeah,
::Unknown
yeah.
::Unknown
Did you see in your 20 to 23 years that you were in the department, did you see a change happening where they were getting better at helping
::Unknown
you. Ah walk through that. Oh for sure. Oh yeah.
::Unknown
You didn't really talk about it early on in my career. The first dead person that I saw was a 16 year old in a car accident, and they had been racing and the car flipped and hit a tree and we walked up again.
::Unknown
My first dead person, I was fine, but my engineer was not fine. He had a 16 year old daughter that looked exactly like her. And when we walked up, I think he thought it was her. And I don't recall a whole lot of support other than internal right in the crew. But the chaplain didn't come down. There was no peer support team.
::Unknown
No one was sending him to a therapist, like there was a lot less happening than if anything, whereas now the resources are much more rich and departments are doing so many things that are proactive as opposed to just reactive. And and I think we're just we're talking about it. We're making it okay. You could sit down at a dinner table at any fire station and say, Hey, I'm having a hard time, and everyone would shut up and listen and be there for you and do everything they could to help find your resources.
::Unknown
Whereas it wasn't that way, you know, 15 years ago even I think they'd be like, Suck it up, buttercup. Yeah, you're all right.
::Unknown
Isn't that good? That that's I think that's happening in with first responders.
::Unknown
I think
::Unknown
as well.
::Unknown
Everything
::Unknown
with or deal with.
::Unknown
she's brilliant. But she was she made
::Unknown
to the
::Unknown
right? You can't grow up in this world and
::Unknown
not see some. But again, as a first responder, you're seeing it, you know, for every one thing that we might be dealing with, you guys are maybe dealing with
::Unknown
hundreds,
::Unknown
hundreds or thousands.
::Unknown
Yeah, depending on where you work and how many calls you're running. I also think the resilience training, right, that proactive stuff. So so teaching us how to do this early in our career coping mechanisms, things to do to separate from it having more balance all of the things recognizing the signs and symptoms. There's a lot of things that are happening now that if I had said to someone, I mean, a mental Health Day, they'd be like, okay, right now is almost a sign of weakness.
::Unknown
Oh, right. Absolutely was a sign of weakness.
::Unknown
you know, if I had an emotion after a call, it was like, uh, this girl is having an emotion, right? That was not okay. And now it's absolutely okay. It's encouraged, it's
::Unknown
in it now. It's seen
::Unknown
as a strength and it's a strength to say, Hey, I need help.
::Unknown
Yeah, it's a strength because that's really hard to do in a culture that we have said, don't say I need help. Yeah.
::Unknown
So certainly it's a sign of of strength to say to another guy that you look up to or respect or think has it all together like, hey, I'm kind of fallen apart. Yeah.
::Unknown
The commandant of the Marine Corps always puts out a reading list every year.
::Unknown
And I had two kids in the Marines and I love reading
::Unknown
Sign. Always be like, send me the list. You guys are going to read the book. I'll read them and tell you about it. Yes.
::Unknown
and I can't
::Unknown
what you and I are talking about right now,
::Unknown
round targets,
::Unknown
Same thing with PD. And
::Unknown
them. And so
::Unknown
go.
::Unknown
us because, again, I'm not
::Unknown
things that
::Unknown
with and walk through.
::Unknown
that we're learning. I think,
::Unknown
like you just said, it's not independent to the people that respond on these things because they're the families that are experiencing them. Right. They're having so much trauma.
::Unknown
You were talking about some of the research. There was an article that was talking about there's actual physical change in your brain. You can see the change when people are starting to experience like PTSD and and excessive mental stress. And it's like, okay, well, why don't we do some scans, right? Why don't we why don't we look at this?
::Unknown
Because maybe we could headed off before it becomes a real problem. Maybe there are some therapies we could be doing, but that could stop us before we get to a point where we're taking our own lives, which is happening
::Unknown
really, Really? Oh,
::Unknown
it's terrible.
::Unknown
It's it's terrible.
::Unknown
lot of that, again, is just something that people who have dealt with this just start living with, right?
::Unknown
Yeah.
::Unknown
about
::Unknown
I would look at
::Unknown
with them. It's not really
::Unknown
to.
::Unknown
But but you all have
::Unknown
this stuff that you can
::Unknown
situation?
::Unknown
Yes, definitely. Do I always fix it right away? No, I don't think. Yeah, but I can see where I'm like you. My mindset is not good. What am I what am I going to do? I'll make a plan like, okay, well, next week in a minute, head out, go for a hike and just spend some time reflecting or clearing my head or stepping away.
::Unknown
Yes, I try to be better about that, I think depends on where you are in life and if you have the ability and the support system to do that. I have a pretty free, open life at this point. So, you know, I'm not tied to toddlers at home and I don't have stresses of relationships, the things that most people have to deal with.
::Unknown
And they can't just say, hey, I'm going to go to the mountains for the day. Right? So having those resources available to people that can't do those things and and need needs some more structured like, hey, I'm going to go see my therapist for an hour and a half once a week, right? Yeah.
::Unknown
But yeah, I think so.
::Unknown
I think through a lot of training and self-reflection too. Yeah.
::Unknown
So your your life story, you've definitely come through some disappointments, some discouragement, you've overcome some hurdles.
::Unknown
What would
::Unknown
different than yours, but everyone
::Unknown
world and
::Unknown
life. Like, I know.
::Unknown
valley. I've lived long enough to know that, Right? There's going to be.
::Unknown
So what would you recommend in what you've learned through your
::Unknown
journey?
::Unknown
Okay.
::Unknown
You were told
::Unknown
Yes. And I have an 18 year old boy that's never give up. That's amazing. Yeah. Yeah,
::Unknown
I honestly believe in order to get through all the stuff that life's going to throw at you, it's about believing in yourself.
::Unknown
And you have to invest in yourself regardless of what other people will say. Because if you believe the hate you will succumb to that. You just have to build that confidence within yourself. And I see that as if it's so easy. I feel like I was born with just oodles of confidence, and I'll say that's a tribute to my parents because they were like, You can be anything.
::Unknown
You want to be a firefighter? Yeah, no. Yeah, but they were so encouraging and yeah, and
::Unknown
I have always had confidence. Probably some people will say too much confidence, but I just know that I can do anything and I can get through anything. And when I don't believe that I lean on the people that I trust the most,
::Unknown
tell me that I can.
::Unknown
Well, so how do you deal with critics in your
::Unknown
life? Because you actually
::Unknown
share a little bit here, too,
::Unknown
have. Absolutely. Am I right in saying that? Yes. So so how do you deal with that?
::Unknown
I just try to really block out the heat.
::Unknown
Right. So I'm not going to say that every comment that I've that has been negative has I've just let it roll off my back. But I gave advice years ago to actually a couple ladies that I worked with in my former department when they were just letting everything get to them. Right. And they were just so frustrated and I was like, be a duck now.
::Unknown
Right? Be a duck. That means just let it all slide. Let that slide off your back because if you let it penetrate, it only hurts you and they win. So I don't want the haters to win. I don't want that. The problem for me is that injustice thing that we talked about before is I feel like I want to explain to them why they're, you know, why things are the way they are or whatever it is that they're saying.
::Unknown
I had a comment on a post recently that was so appalling. It was I, I really was like, how do I just go past this? How do I just let that live? So I just have to reconcile it, I guess, within myself to know again, that I have confidence in the person. I think so. Did you did you respond?
::Unknown
I did. Okay. When do you feel good about your response? I do. Okay.
::Unknown
Well, I was asking because I think that's
::Unknown
that's
::Unknown
there's no roadmap that's
::Unknown
going to work for everybody
::Unknown
and I wrote
::Unknown
And
::Unknown
hit send
::Unknown
at.
::Unknown
I have that. I deleted
::Unknown
Yeah. And I look
::Unknown
Well, who is serving me or him or them. Yeah, her. Whomever. Right. So is it
::Unknown
going to move the needle for them? Is it going to change their mind or are they just getting what they want, which is
::Unknown
To get under your skin. Right. We were talking about that stirring the pot person before. Are they just trying to get under your skin and stir the pot or are they genuinely or are there people like that on social media? No. Yeah he war I think they're sort of yeah they're
::Unknown
they're soul job they think in life is to just you know troll
::Unknown
and then try to
::Unknown
recently and the
::Unknown
to move on. Yeah, I sometimes you need to not
::Unknown
say anything and move on
::Unknown
and there's not a roadmap is a no. And I think it's case by case and I completely subscribe to your idea of the 24 hour rule. I won't do it impatiently. Often I will send it to a friend like this was the comment.
::Unknown
This is what I'm thinking of saying back and I've had friends are like, Just leave it. Yeah, don't don't do it. Or they're like, I would have said 100 worst things, right? Yeah. At these words in there. But that's another great point.
::Unknown
That's a great point though. You're also saying wait 24 hours and then sometimes send it out to some people and we're not, you know, again, for audience, we may not just be talking about social media.
::Unknown
Maybe,
::Unknown
your aunt called up and said
::Unknown
the pot and just
::Unknown
Absolutely. Yeah. And get advice from someone that maybe doesn't always agree with you. Right. You don't want just your cheerleader coach you on you want someone that might oppose the way you think or come out of it in a different way.
::Unknown
Yeah.
::Unknown
What you're asking is uncomfortable,
::Unknown
though. Yeah,
::Unknown
and this is
::Unknown
point, because I think it's really wise what you're
::Unknown
that are going to agree with you.
::Unknown
So you
::Unknown
go ask them and then you convince yourself 24 hours later, hey, I got feedback. But you
::Unknown
you just
::Unknown
confirmed what you already
::Unknown
Yeah. So that's
::Unknown
Ashley. Thank you. Yes. I mean, sometimes I have my wisdom, but that comes with a lot of age and a lot of mistakes, right?
::Unknown
I've done. I have made so, so many mistakes, but. And we'll make a lot more if we live long enough. And good because I've learned and grown from them and
::Unknown
the mistakes are where I've grown the most and where I've had the most reflection and where I've changed the most. You know, believe it or not, in my early years as a know it all.
::Unknown
Yeah, I know it's shocking. And I worked really, really hard to be so much more open to what other people had to say and teach me and it has served me so well. So how have you how did you learn that? Because
::Unknown
that's another great point I think that hasn't have anything to do with age some of us just being humans.
::Unknown
We just tend not to want to be uncomfortable
::Unknown
and be told that we're wrong on something. How did you work through
::Unknown
work in the firehouse with a lot of guys that are going to tell you you're wrong all the time.
::Unknown
I had a kind of the nature of the job education through the job for sure and being young.
::Unknown
And you know, I was 23 when I got hired and I didn't know anything about the fire service, but I felt like I had to go and improve myself. And that was absolutely the wrong thing to do. You shouldn't have to go in and and be actively trying to prove yourself. You should just go in and do your job and do it well.
::Unknown
And that proves yourself tenfold because the person making the most noise about I'm doing my job and I'm doing a great job, right, that we're not endeared to those people. You're right. And so I think being told enough like you're wrong I want you to hear this. You are wrong. Stop fighting. You're wrong. And it was like there was a lot of power in saying I'm wrong and you're right and I'm sorry.
::Unknown
I'm a person of faith. And so I find it interesting that God says that no one is considered great without humility.
::Unknown
And that's what you're describing.
::Unknown
It really is. I admitted that
::Unknown
Yeah, And that was not fast. It took a long time for me to get to that.
::Unknown
And I think maybe in the last five years, six years, seven years, it's really sunk in. Yeah. That's also the time at which I became very public in my roles in the fire department. So I was much more I was scrutinized in a in a much more consistent timeframe, and I really had to do a lot of reflecting.
::Unknown
yeah,
::Unknown
yeah. And you really
::Unknown
in what you do so public information officer is the position so public information officers are really in every organization across the country, really across the world. So you think about PR in the sense.
::Unknown
But it's not just really PR, it's you're the voice, the face of your organization. So when you have to give information to the media, it's typically your public information officer that's going to go out there and do that.
::Unknown
And a lot of times it's probably in the worst moment. Like there's
::Unknown
the reason that you're out there in front of a
::Unknown
happen to the wrong happens, right?
::Unknown
A lot of drownings right over the years and having to have composure during that time when a reporter is like, are you pressing charges against these parents? It's like, is that what we're worried about? Worry about charges? Yeah, I think I'm worried about this child surviving. That's where I'm at. Yeah. And let's talk about this with parents so that this doesn't happen anymore.
::Unknown
And what can you do to make sure your child isn't in this situation? Right. So having to be very. Yes. Public in a highly emotional moments. Absolutely. There are some good ones. We get to give awards and we get to, you know, M.S. things and graduations and family nights and all of the really awesome moments. But yeah, absolutely.
::Unknown
You're in the spotlight for some tough some tough conversations. Yeah. Yeah.
::Unknown
Well, how would people get a hold of you?
::Unknown
So I have a company, Blue Helmet Media, Blue Note, and we're on Instagram, I'm on TikTok, and there's you know, you can do me there. So safe to say that again for
::Unknown
someone that's driving
::Unknown
and is trying to pull over right now to write this down.
::Unknown
Yes. So timestamp your podcast. You can come back to it. Oh, it's blue helmet. Blue helmet media. Okay. I also have a website so you can look me up there. And then why did you start there and stuff? So that's a great question. I
::Unknown
taught at a conference fire chiefs conference and the response there was overwhelming. And the reason I was doing it was just to educate people in the fire service as to why social media is so important for fire departments and and why if you don't have one, you need to have social media.
::Unknown
And that's for so many reasons. But really, when it comes down to it, the basis is if I, Joe Blow live in your city. Right. And some horrible disaster happens. I need to know that that's happening. Right. I need to know, let's say chlorine gas is in the air and I need to shelter in place. Right. That's pretty important message.
::Unknown
Would you agree? Oh, yeah.
::Unknown
If I have no mechanism, me fire department have no mechanism to reach the people that need that information. That's dangerous. And it's negligent actually for a fire department for a or a department that's serving the public. So we need to have those platforms and abilities to get directly to our people when we need them.
::Unknown
Well, that's great If you've got one and you have five followers, well, those five people are going to get that message. You have to work to grow that following to get those people to listen so that when that moment happens, they're already following you. You're already a trusted source of information. You laugh with your fire department, you cry with your fire department, you are engaged with them.
::Unknown
You are educated by them. Right? That's our responsibility. So when we all got hired, we said we want to help people and not in one way, shape or form. Everybody that gets in the fire service says that this is just a new way to do that. We just have never recognized it that way. You know, it's been made fun of forever and oh, you want me to go do a tick tock?
::Unknown
It's like, Yeah, I want you to go do a tick tock. Why? Because it humanizes us. Why? Because it lets people in on the struggles that we're actually feeling, and it gives them a little inside baseball. It also allows them to understand who we are and why we are, where that dark humor comes from. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah.
::Unknown
So I just feel like it is our responsibility as fire departments to have these things. Long story short, I taught at this conference and I recognized I know the power of social media. I've been doing it for a few years. I have seen tangible results from it. I know we have saved lives because of posts that we have put up, literally saved lives.
::Unknown
I had a guy tell me I was going to kill myself and I saw this and it put words to what I was feeling that I couldn't explain to anybody.
::Unknown
And I didn't kill myself. Man,
::Unknown
That one story right there, right? That one life.
::Unknown
Honest. Yeah. I mean, I get chills every time I tell that story, but
::Unknown
I mean, this is a dream on social media, right?
::Unknown
So I knew how important it was. I just wanted other people to know. And when I recognize that there just wasn't a mechanism to help people get their small departments that think, I can't do it, I don't have any funding, I'm like, Yes, you can. Yes, you can. So I've developed classes and programs and consultations and ways to get them started and through the process, found out that I really love doing like logos and I just love the creativity of all of it.
::Unknown
At first I thought I was going to create posts for people and yeah, and just do their creative. And I realized that's actually not what I want to do at all. I just want to teach them how to do it. I want to support them in the effort and I want to get them where they need to go.
::Unknown
I like how you said that. It's another mechanism.
::Unknown
It's
::Unknown
departments, a lot of
::Unknown
with that? Absolutely. I mean,
::Unknown
marketing, social media marketing, I don't even think that was a thing before TikTok really took it off.
::Unknown
ikTok brought it to light and: ::Unknown
So
::Unknown
we always finish these with two truths in life.
::Unknown
Yes.
::Unknown
so I'm not asking you to lie.
::Unknown
here, we've been visiting.
::Unknown
so I've gotten
::Unknown
me. If you can
::Unknown
All right. I'm going to try to guess your
::Unknown
lie. Here we go. So I have been to both Japan and London to perform by the time I was 14.
::Unknown
I am fluent in sign language and I have sang the national anthem at the Coyotes game twice.
::Unknown
Ooh, those are good ones.
::Unknown
First one's true.
::Unknown
Okay. Is it? Yes.
::Unknown
chance to go
::Unknown
That's true. True. I got it. Then you did. So I used to be fluent in sign language in college, but I no longer fluent.
::Unknown
Okay. That that's probably something like any language you have to keep
::Unknown
up on. Yeah. Did you take sign language in college? Four years of it. Mm hmm.
::Unknown
Yes, They
::Unknown
Oh, yes. So I could not wrap my crazy brain around French or Spanish. I just was not working for me. I am so much a visual learner. And when I realized that I could take sign language, I was so relieved because the other languages weren't going to happen for me.
::Unknown
I wish you would have been there to tell me that
::Unknown
when I was in high school,
::Unknown
weren't you?
::Unknown
Weren't around that you are. You're younger than me. But
::Unknown
now. So I'm trying to learn Portuguese. I'm
::Unknown
learning languages. Always have an IT and I'm visual like I have to write down a word even on a piece of paper.
::Unknown
But that's
::Unknown
sign language, I can imagine that was a lot easier. It was. I mean, it wasn't easy. Yeah, but so much easier. And I found like, I could feel successful there, whereas those other languages I was going to maybe pass with a C and that wasn't going to work out very well. So really quick before we go,
::Unknown
you were in London?
::Unknown
Yes. And Japan
::Unknown
Yes. So Japan when I was 12. So that play house that I told you about. Oh, we did traveling shows. We went to Japan for a couple of weeks and we lived with families in Japan. So my first family spoke no English. That was a story in and of itself.
::Unknown
But in the sense you
::Unknown
struggled learning languages. You were you were doing sign language to them
::Unknown
and they were, oh, my gosh, you couldn't find a bathroom in this house. That's how bad it was. Yeah. Yeah, it was terrible, needless to say.
::Unknown
Yeah. So Japan, when I was 12 and then 14, we went to London and wow to perform in
::Unknown
Just the best times in my life. And then you
::Unknown
sing twice the national anthem at the Coyotes
::Unknown
game. Yes. And let me tell you, that is the most nervous I've ever been in my life. Every
::Unknown
time someone steps up to that mike to sing, because that's not an easy song to
::Unknown
sing either. If
::Unknown
know, that's that is a difficult song to sing.
::Unknown
Yes. So the first time I'm walking out, it's like First Responder Night or something, and I'm walking out with the soldier from Luke Air Force Base. And I literally turned to him and I'm like, How does it start? He goes, What? I'm like,
::Unknown
How does it start? How does it start? It's like you're freaking out. I go, Dude, I am totally freaked out right now.
::Unknown
How does it start?
::Unknown
And he was like, Oh, say, can you see? I was like, Yes, you got it. Okay, thank you. And then I was fine, but you could hear it in my voice. That first line, just the nerves were horrible. Yeah. And then I did it again. How was it? Was it
::Unknown
easier the second time?
::Unknown
I suppose.
::Unknown
But they made me sing in a mask because it was during COVID and that was just horrific. Oh, okay. Yeah. It didn't work out well. Yeah, I didn't sound very good. Wow. Well, Ashley, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you for what you've done. Thank
::Unknown
you for I mean, your your whole life
::Unknown
has been
::Unknown
our communities.
::Unknown
it. Appreciate what you're
::Unknown
Blue Helmet Media. Yes. Blue Helmet Media with No, no. All right, Thanks, Ashley.
::Unknown
What an inspirational conversation that was with Ashley. Be sure to follow her Blue Helmet media group on all social media platforms. And as always, thumbs up this video. Leave a comment down below or email us at info at no gray areas dot com. Subscribe if you haven't already to hear more fantastic interviews in the future. We'll see you next time.
