The Secret to Happiness Is Simpler Than You Think | Ep. 108 with Brandon Smith
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In this heartfelt episode of No Grey Areas, Pat McCalla sits down with his lifelong friend of 38 years, Brandon Smith—author, TEDx speaker, and happiness enthusiast—to discuss the challenges many of us face daily. From battling insecurity and imposter syndrome to finding balance in our chaotic lives, Brandon shares his personal journey and practical advice for navigating it all.
Discover why work-life balance is more about creating moments of presence than ticking tasks off a list, and hear Brandon’s profound thoughts on how living in the present might just be the secret to happiness. Brandon opens up about his personal struggles with self-worth and insecurity, revealing how these battles shaped his life and career. With wisdom, vulnerability, and practical tools, this episode offers encouragement for anyone seeking growth, self-acceptance, and a more fulfilled life.
Brandon's insights on work-life balance and his simple yet powerful approach to happiness will make you rethink how you manage your time and relationships. Don't miss his valuable tips on overcoming fear, comparison, and the pressures of modern-day life. This is a must-watch for anyone looking to live with more intention and joy.
No Grey Areas is a motivational podcast with captivating guests centered around how our choices humanize, empower, and define who we become. This podcast is inspired by the cautionary tale, No Grey Areas, written by Joseph Gagliano. Learn more about the truth behind his story involved with sports' biggest scandal at https://www.nogreyareas.com/
Transcript
Host
Welcome back to the No Gray Areas podcast. Today we have my lifelong friend of 38 years, author TEDx talk speaker Brandon Smith. We tackle a vulnerable conversation on insecurity imposter syndrome. Practical tips for work life balance. Plus, Brandon shares what he believes is the secret to happiness. Let's get started.
::Pat McCalla
Brennan Smith, welcome to the No Gray Areas podcast.
::Pat McCalla
We were talking before we turned this on.
::Pat McCalla
We've known each other for how long?
::Brandon Smith
I'm going to go 38 years, 37, 38 years.
::Brandon Smith
Which
::Pat McCalla
means you're you're.
::Pat McCalla
How old now?
::Brandon Smith
I'm 41.
::Pat McCalla
So
::Brandon Smith
years old. 4 or 5 years old.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. You were 4 or 5 years. Yeah. So
::Pat McCalla
it's kind of cool for me sitting here because I know you at 4 or 5 years old. And then I ended up teaching and coaching you in junior high, taught and coached you.
::Pat McCalla
In high school.
::Pat McCalla
And then I got to watch you, like, go.
::Pat McCalla
From being a little boy to a young man to a man to a father, to a husband. Seeing your career path go. It's just really fun. That's that's one of the fun things about
::Pat McCalla
getting old, like I am now,
::Pat McCalla
To see guys like you.
::Pat McCalla
Are
::Brandon Smith
growing.
::Brandon Smith
Well. Thank you. It's an honor to be here. I've actually. I've had this circle on my calendar, I think, for almost six months now. I think last December we talked about recording, getting together. And,
::Brandon Smith
it's funny, from my perspective, from my seat. The last 40 years, I've watched
::Brandon Smith
a high schooler become a man and become a teacher and become a coach and go into ministry and now host a podcast.
::Brandon Smith
And,
::Brandon Smith
you know, it's always interesting. You never know when you have a relationship that fits. I was just recently telling my kids, it's,
::Brandon Smith
it's a it's a seasonal relationship or a lifelong relationship, and you don't know until the season's over what it what it was.
::Brandon Smith
And so
::Pat McCalla
because most most are seasonal. Right.
::Brandon Smith
And they are things for
::Pat McCalla
me to understand when I was younger, because I wanted every relationship to be lifelong
::Brandon Smith
yeah,
::Pat McCalla
but most are seasonal.
::Brandon Smith
just crazy that here we are,: ::Pat McCalla
My kids make fun of me a lot of times because we'll be driving.
::Pat McCalla
Down the road sometimes and the song will come.
::Pat McCalla
On and I'll be up to, like, crying like a little girl. And they're going, what's wrong, dad? I'm like, I'm just remembering. When you guys were kids,
::Brandon Smith
It's not.
::Brandon Smith
While a song comes on and like, the smells come back, like where you were driving on the highway just instantly takes you back.
::Brandon Smith
In
::Pat McCalla
my wife the other day. I said.
::Pat McCalla
What? So I'm going to ask you this question. This is a this is an interesting question. I said, what percentage of time do you live in the past, present or future? Because I'm trying to get better at living in the moment is what I just prayed before we turned on our mics. Right? To to live in the moment like,
::Brandon Smith
they were guaranteed
::Pat McCalla
guaranteed.
::Pat McCalla
Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's not guaranteed.
::Pat McCalla
But for me, I spend most of my time in the future and the past and very little time in the present. I try to get better. I ask my wife that question. She goes, oh, I spend almost all my time in the present. I'm like.
::Pat McCalla
What?
::Brandon Smith
How weird is she? Are you? What about you?
::Brandon Smith
It's a great question. I. I struggle for the past. I feel like so much of it identifies me and defines who I am. And I'm forced to live inside this, this framework that others have placed me inside this box at the same time, I'm a dreamer. I'm optimistic. I see the future. But the irony of this question is, right now I'm working on a presentation.
::Brandon Smith
Actually, I'm speaking at TEDx talk later this year, and the topic my idea is what if the secret of happiness was simply being present?
::Brandon Smith
And I'm trying to debunk this idea, the idea of of work life balance, like, like
::Brandon Smith
we've tried so hard to perfectly split the pie or figure out what hat we're wearing, at which time or.
::Brandon Smith
But what if we just,
::Brandon Smith
you know, so we all end up. I'm gonna just go off on this week.
::Brandon Smith
Most people enter their industry for two main reasons earning capacity and lifestyle. Yet everybody I talked to is busier than they've ever been and still not satisfied with the results. So something's got to change. And I think that's how we live our life, how we have to live an intentional life and learn what matters most to us, and one how to protect what matters most.
::Brandon Smith
And then we have to have a calendar that reflects what matters most. And, you know, we hear people all the time saying, I wish I had more time for a date night with my wife, or I wish I could go to the gym and work out. I just don't have time. But they're current. On binge watching the Bachelor of their fantasy Football rosters up to date, and and they're out of balance.
::Brandon Smith
And how many times are we in conversations with our kids while we're scrolling on our phone, and we're not even present with our own kids? And so this whole idea of work life balance, I think, is one it doesn't work.
::Brandon Smith
we don't know what balance is. And if we're balancing the wrong things, it's not going to work.
::Brandon Smith
And secondly,
::Brandon Smith
work life balance assumes this idea that work in life or two opposing forces and constant battle with each other. And I'm at the office thinking about, oh, I got to mow the lawn when I get home, and then I'm mowing the lawn and thinking about that meeting tomorrow. And, you know, we have one life. So let's let's be present and know that what's in front of us right now is the most important part of our day.
::Brandon Smith
And make sure that our calendar reflects. And so that's a long answer to your question. I am trying and striving to practice what I preach and live in the now. Live in the present.
::Pat McCalla
Oh, man, that's so perfect, Brandon, because
::Pat McCalla
the older I get, the more I realize how important that is, you know? And you're probably going to start hitting this as you're working through your 40s, the reality that you have less runway in front of you. I mean, we never know you could die tomorrow, but most likely, let's
::Brandon Smith
say.
::Brandon Smith
Oh, I'm 41. I felt something on my leg today and thought, is this it? This is this is how it ends.
::Brandon Smith
I feel sort of feeling a lot of that older
::Pat McCalla
40s especially. Good luck with
::Brandon Smith
that. Thank you.
::Pat McCalla
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
Getting old is for the brave.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah, it
::Pat McCalla
takes courage, but, all that.
::Pat McCalla
To say, as I get older, I feel the reality there's less runway in front of me. Makes me all the more. Want to really live in the moment. Like, soak it up, like, not be so much because I was always so goal oriented.
::Brandon Smith
Take
::Pat McCalla
that mountain and I get to top of that one.
::Pat McCalla
Then it's what's the next mountain? What's the next mountain? And so I was always about the destination of the journey. And I'm trying to be a lot better at the journey, which is kind of what you're saying. Your
::Brandon Smith
right.
::Pat McCalla
you're putting together is about. Right?
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
yeah.
::Pat McCalla
say again, what are your what's the core of.
::Pat McCalla
It
::Brandon Smith
what is the secret to happiness? And I'm not sure I'm not married to the word happiness here. But the idea is what if what if the secret to happiness is simply being present?
::Pat McCalla
You know, philosophers have talked about that for a
::Brandon Smith
time.
::Pat McCalla
And theologians have talked about that for a long time I think. So I mean I really like that because again I do think that we are either living in the past or the future very, very
::Brandon Smith
well.
::Pat McCalla
And you brought something else up that my wife and I have talked about recently, work life balance.
::Pat McCalla
I just in the last couple of weeks, her and I were sitting in the morning sitting outside and we were having coffee together, and I said, you know, I don't even know if I like that phrase work life balance anymore. I don't think for most of human history, that was a that was something that they talked about,
::Brandon Smith
Right?
::Pat McCalla
like work was just I was just
::Pat McCalla
part of life,
::Brandon Smith
Right.
::Pat McCalla
And I think that came from the industrial age would be my guess
::Brandon Smith
Right. You
::Pat McCalla
started going to work. Like, I go to work at eight in the morning, I get off at four. But for most of human history, your job, whatever you did, like if you were a farmer, you just farmed.
::Brandon Smith
right.
::Brandon Smith
And it was seasonal. There were seasons that, you know, you got up at the sun, went to bed at the sun.
::Brandon Smith
And harvest time, right,
::Pat McCalla
working 16 hour days. And then there were other times where you
::Brandon Smith
maybe. Right.
::Brandon Smith
So I wonder if this idea of work life balance isn't something we do, but it's something we feel. It's an internal. There's this piece when your life's in balance, when you're out of balance, there's this tension that you're continually juggling. And it takes work. Yeah, you work really hard
::Brandon Smith
to try to maintain balance. And so what? What if it's a feeling just.
::Brandon Smith
Oh yeah.
::Brandon Smith
That's balance. You think clearer. You're more intentional. Like this. This idea of like we're working so hard and we're working so fast to go, go, go and achieve and reach these goals that when we are in a hurry. It's interesting that the word hurry has the same root as the word hurdle and hurricane. And you think about when you're in a hurry, what's going on inside of you is this storm.
::Brandon Smith
It's a tropical storm. And these objections you have to overcome. And when we are in a hurry, we are the worst version of ourselves. We have a short temper. We snap at the people we love the most. We're trying to achieve these goals, yet we're short with our children and our wives because we're in a hurry. And what if we can just slow down and then?
::Brandon Smith
Then I think we could take it and purely go and look at the Bible. And it's rare that you ever see Jesus
::Brandon Smith
in a hurry. There are moments where, you know, Mark talks about immediately he healed someone, but he walked everywhere he went. He lived life at a pace of three miles an hour, and he accomplished way more than I've even dreamt of.
::Pat McCalla
ever a person that lived on this planet that had a reason to be in a hurry, it would have been him.
::Brandon Smith
right?
::Pat McCalla
yet we don't see that very
::Brandon Smith
right?
::Brandon Smith
He knew his runway was short.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah, yeah, shorter than ours. Yeah.
::Brandon Smith
And he got a lot done.
::Pat McCalla
yeah. Man, that is such a that's a great point
::Pat McCalla
I do think that we get so rushed. And in fact, I heard a psychologist recently and he was talking about how perhaps our modern day culture, we have less margin in our life than ever before. And that's part of what you're
::Brandon Smith
talking. Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
that, like the reason that a book, when you read a book, the reason it has margins is because our eyes, if they filled the pages from edge to edge, our eyes just can't handle it. We wouldn't be able
::Brandon Smith
right very
::Pat McCalla
well. So they purposely put in margin. Well, I think it's the same with our life.
::Pat McCalla
When we don't have margin in our life, we're always just rush, rush, rush, rush. We aren't the best versions
::Brandon Smith
So I can't wait.
::Brandon Smith
Well, and and now people are beginning to ask me like, okay, so practically, how do you live this out? What's it actually look like? And that's where it takes discipline and becomes difficult.
::Brandon Smith
And so, you know, a couple things I like to do. Like our youngest daughter, she's in that tension now. Is is she still a little girl or is she a teen.
::Brandon Smith
Like there's one day, you know, she wants to play Barbies, and the next day she wants to talk about starting her own business. But you may have experiences with your children, but like my daughter Harper will come up to me and say, dad, will you play Barbies with me? We play dolls with me.
::Brandon Smith
And I'll say, absolutely, honey, just let me finish up this email as soon as I get this sent will play, and I'm working on that email.
::Brandon Smith
And as I hit send, I see another email come in and I read that and realize I need to reply to that. And then as my daughter's waiting for me, I hear my wife tell a family, hey, dinner's ready, it's time to eat. We go eat dinner, the rest of the night takes off. We have other events or activities.
::Brandon Smith
My intentions were to play dolls with my daughter and I did it. So now when my daughter says. Dad, will you play with me? Absolutely. Honey, let's look at the calendar. You know what? Thursday night, 7:00 is wide open. I'm putting it in the calendar. I'm making an appointment with you. I'm going to show up. I'm going to be present.
::Brandon Smith
I'm not going to be distracted. And it may sound legalistic, but I had to create a framework that helped me get what I want out of life. And now Harper all week. Daughter, we still on for Thursday. She's looking forward to it. There's anticipation. And then when I show up,
::Brandon Smith
there's no distraction. I'm there, I'm present, and then I've tried to do the same.
::Brandon Smith
You know, we follow each other on social media. I'm active. I post a lot, but scrolling consumes us. It takes our time. And so I actually put in my calendar two time blocks throughout the week to scroll social media. Like I want to like, share, comment, engage, build relationships, learn, be educated. But if I block out a 45 minute time on Friday morning or Tuesday afternoon where I treat it as another business appointment, it's actually healthy and beneficial rather than the doom and gloom of social media is destroying our society.
::Brandon Smith
No, it's an amazing tool where you can stay connected with people. And so those are just two practical ways for I'm trying to figure out how do I be present but still
::Brandon Smith
get done what needs to get done.
::Brandon Smith
I like what you just
::Pat McCalla
said because I do think that we've done that through human history. We always do that whatever is new, the new technology, you know, so the internet was going to destroy humanity. Social media is destroying humanity. And we actually have proof that it is not healthy in a lot of
::Brandon Smith
ways when
::Pat McCalla
what's so great about is, like you and me, I've known you since you were 4 or 5 years old, and we're staying in contact in a way that we never would have been
::Brandon Smith
able, right,
::Pat McCalla
in any other time of human history. But you're finding out a way that a practical way that you're actually, putting that into your calendar, not letting it consume you, not letting it actually, become something that is taking away from other things.
::Pat McCalla
But.
::Brandon Smith
h Thursday night, I'll put it: ::Brandon Smith
because if I don't go to bed, if I don't have an appointment to go to bed, I will stay up late.
::Brandon Smith
And that will negatively impact my 7:00 appointment the next morning. Those people deserve the best version of me. Not the tired. Exhausted because I was up late binge watching Netflix. So I try to put everything in my calendar. And then a few months ago, you said margin. We got to schedule a room for margin. Life happens. You need to be able to take a 15 with you.
::Brandon Smith
Simon Sinek says the best there is, you cannot schedule when you're going to have a good idea or when you're gonna need to take a break.
::Brandon Smith
So create margin in your life. Schedule margin. Allow time to just
::Brandon Smith
sit, get up from your desk and go walk for ten minutes. Like create margin.
::Pat McCalla
Well, and I think anybody that has to do any kind of creative content, creating things, you have to as a speaker, a lot of our listeners have to in some way, if you're not creating that margin, I think that's where some of your best ideas come.
::Brandon Smith
I think it's
::Pat McCalla
coming because you're sitting in a room with a whiteboard and for other people.
::Pat McCalla
But for me, my way, I just other people have theirs. But when I go take a hike out in the desert, there's something that happens. All of a sudden my mind starts coming up with great
::Brandon Smith
that's
::Pat McCalla
That's like, I'm just hiking. It's not, how would you call that
::Brandon Smith
Right. Great ideas.
::Brandon Smith
It's the same for me. I'm in the sauna. I try to get in the sauna every day. There's no
::Brandon Smith
phones, there's no books, there's no light. It's just. Yeah,
::Brandon Smith
you and you think? Yeah, it will burn your hand. It'll overheat.
::Brandon Smith
just a place to clear your head and just decompress or think about the future. Innovate, strategize.
::Brandon Smith
And then the
::Brandon Smith
problem is, you come out of there and you have all these ideas in order to write them down. And later in the day, you forget what was that. But,
::Pat McCalla
Well let's.
::Pat McCalla
Transition. And this is actually a perfect time to transition.
::Speaker 1
Hey, we hope you've enjoyed this episode so far. Be sure to like and subscribe to not miss a future podcast! Okay, let's get back to the episode.
::Pat McCalla
One of the things that we wanted to talk about was identity. And you brought that up a little bit. You actually mentioned the word identity earlier.
::Pat McCalla
The reason that we want to talk about identity is this podcast is really around the power and complexity of human choice that we make our choices and eventually our choices make us.
::Pat McCalla
But every single listener deals with her identity issues.
::Brandon Smith
That
::Pat McCalla
counselor once told me that they had preached a sermon on identity once our identity in Christ and a counselor came up to me and said, you know, almost everybody I have in my office, the core issue that they're really dealing with is identity issues. Well, because you and me happen to be the.
::Pat McCalla
Same personality types on the Enneagram
::Pat McCalla
listeners. If you've never taken the Enneagram test, I highly recommend it's personality test.
::Pat McCalla
Been around for hundreds of years. It's kind of coming back.
::Pat McCalla
But we're both threes. And for the audience, threes. Significance is important for us. If we ain't winning, you're sinning. That's kind of the way you sum up how threes think about life. The danger, the shadow side of of threes. Brandon and I are threes. We get a lot done.
::Pat McCalla
We accomplish things because significance is all about significance. But the shadow side is we can wear masks that we hate. Failure. We don't do well with failure even though failure is part of life. And so, with a lot of relationships we put on masks. That's the danger for threes. Right?
::Pat McCalla
So you and I and over the last.
::Pat McCalla
Few years and we've met for coffee now and then this comes up often and we talk about our journey in our lives with trying to have a healthier sense of identity. So I want you just to
::Brandon Smith
break down into.
::Brandon Smith
That your, gosh.
::Brandon Smith
How you're doing
::Pat McCalla
better, practical tools that you found where you still struggle with it.
::Brandon Smith
in the next.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah, I well, I don't even know where to start. I love that we've gotten to the place where we can self deprecate and make fun of ourselves.
::Brandon Smith
You know, being being a three, you know, I, I've read the books, I've read all the Enneagram. I've, I'm well-versed, but knowledge doesn't mean anything. It's it's behavior based. And when you internalize, it's going to drop from your head to your heart.
::Brandon Smith
And what really helped me crossover was actually saw an interview with Oprah where at the end of her career, at the end of her show, the Oprah show had gone away. She was being interviewed and they one of the questions was, what was a common theme you saw over the years you didn't expect from all of your guests?
::Brandon Smith
You've had celebrities, you've had royalty, you've had Princess Diana,
::Brandon Smith
Queen Elizabeth, you've had Michael Jordan, you've you've had Dan Rather like all these household names for decades. Yeah. On the couch. Richard Simmons like she she's had it all. Yeah. And,
::Brandon Smith
she immediately knew the answer. She said she goes, what's amazing is doesn't matter anybody's status title or accolades.
::Brandon Smith
When the studio or, or when the studio shuts down, the lights are off. It's quiet and we're just backstage visiting after recording. Does not matter who the guest was, they always ask the question. It was, all right, is that what you were looking for? And she goes, the insecurity in humanity is real. And she goes, every single one of my guests, from the Queen of England to Tom cruise, just wanted to be good enough.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. And I realized Oprah, I may not agree with you on very much, but I agree with you there. That's that's me. I just want to be accepted. And I, I started looking back at my life and seeing different moments and in sports and, you may recall this moment in my junior year of high school, we were playing our crosstown rivals.
::Brandon Smith
We were the Christians in the Catholics Valley Christian against Loyola. We were up 18 points going into the fourth quarter at home, and with 3.2 seconds left, we're down by one. We run an inbounds play that falls apart and somehow the ball ends up in my hands. Well, just off the elbow of the free throw line. I shoot the ball, rims out, we lose the game.
::Brandon Smith
Go into the locker room. I take off my Adidas superstar shoe,
::Brandon Smith
take it off and I throw it at the concrete as hard as I can. Guessing there's probably still an imprint of that shoe, like the the anger and fire inside of me. And for years I justified that response as this I'm just competitive. I hate losing.
::Brandon Smith
It's all that. And in fact, I come out of the locker room for the game and I remember my dad being just, oh, you almost got him. You almost made it like, oh, that would have been like it was all about that. And the truth is, Pat, it wasn't about winning or losing. It was my value and self-worth.
::Brandon Smith
If I would have made that shot,
::Brandon Smith
I would have been found lovable. I would have found I would have had purpose. People would have wanted me. People wouldn't have been close to me. They would have wanted to interview me and post my picture in the newspaper. And my own parents would have hugged me and embraced me. But even my parents went too.
::Brandon Smith
You weren't good enough. Like, oh, you almost made it like it was an identity crisis for me. And I started seeing that happen over and over throughout my life. Like looking back from Little League baseball at 12 years old to marriage relationships, that if there was any sense of rejection or abandonment towards me, I lost. I couldn't handle it and I always justified my responses.
::Brandon Smith
It's just competitive.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
Yeah, man. That's where we.
::Pat McCalla
Resonate so well with each other. In fact.
::Pat McCalla
Brandon, I was doing some, you know, just kind of digging into my responses to life like you did with that event. And, I went way back to the plague. I was going like, where did I start picking up this idea that my value came from my winning,
::Brandon Smith
Or performance of that performance based. Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
And I realized that there were some there were some negative times, but then even the positive times.
::Pat McCalla
So, you know, growing up in rural Montana, I was a I was an above average athlete with the people. Now, again, worldwide.
::Pat McCalla
I'm nothing but when you talk about more of a rural, you know, when we'd go out to recess, I.
::Pat McCalla
Was maybe one of the better athletes out there.
::Pat McCalla
So
::Brandon Smith
when we,
::Brandon Smith
You had three kids in your class.
::Brandon Smith
Did
::Pat McCalla
had we had 17
::Brandon Smith
Okay.
::Pat McCalla
Yeah. But
::Pat McCalla
I look back and I go.
::Pat McCalla
I didn't realize it at the time, but when I was getting picked first for the football team at recess, I was starting to create my identity around, oh, it matters if I'm good at something
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
if I was picked last, that would be terrible. But again, what I'm tying my identity to whether I'm successful or not successful as you did when you were a junior in high school.
::Pat McCalla
which, by the way, thanks for bringing up that game again,
::Brandon Smith
How do you remember that?
::Brandon Smith
Oh, I forgot that. I didn't know that it was you.
::Brandon Smith
That it was me. It was me.
::Pat McCalla
I do remember the game where we.
::Pat McCalla
Lost almost a 20 point lead in the fourth quarter to our crosstown
::Pat McCalla
yeah, for for me, one of the games that keeps me awake was your brother actually played on team.
::Pat McCalla
You had already graduated from high school was soccer, and we went undefeated that year and we went to the state
::Brandon Smith
I was at that game. Kalispell, Montana.
::Pat McCalla
Play the team that we had beat twice.
::Pat McCalla
We're in the state championship. We hadn't lost a game all season and we lose in double overtime.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah, I still lay in bed.
::Pat McCalla
but but I'm I'm still working through like okay but this is my I always wondered what it would be like to go out and not. You hadn't lost a game all season and you won the state championship.
::Pat McCalla
I actually don't know what that feels like and I never will know.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
But somehow I look back and go, my significance was unhealthily tied to that.
::Brandon Smith
Well, but here's here's the problem I just laid out for you the head knowledge. Like we know what it is and our core and how we need to operate. And even in the last couple of weeks, I've had failures or not getting the engagement or something I wanted. And I go, I don't tell anybody because I feel like it's still that I still battle it every single day.
::Pat McCalla
And I think you and I will respect, like all humans, all of our listeners will struggle with it somewhat. Personality type I think plays into it even more. And that's why I brought up the fact that we're threes,
::Brandon Smith
Right?
::Pat McCalla
because that's the unhealthy part of me. There's a lot of good things about being A32, but the unhealthy thing is we tire significance to that.
::Pat McCalla
So I don't know that will ever arrive in this life probably,
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
of overcoming that. But what were some of the things that that caused you to start digging in and, and wrestling with a recognizing this, the unhealthy side of that for you?
::Brandon Smith
That's such a loaded question that,
::Brandon Smith
Of two answers to that,
::Brandon Smith
the shallower answer is, I just started realizing that who I was in public wasn't who I was behind closed doors and not in a lack of integrity or territory. I had just painted a picture that I was better than I really was, that I achieved because people would find me more valuable or lovable if I had accomplished X, Y, or Z.
::Brandon Smith
And so so so so here's one for me. I had this dream growing up
::Brandon Smith
of playing Little League baseball or playing Major League Baseball, just as a professional sports in general. But when I was younger, it was baseball, playing Little League. And then through high school, played basketball and then played a little bit of college basketball, tore my ACL and thought my dream of ever playing basketball professionally, whether it was overseas or ever was done, I'm going to play baseball.
::Brandon Smith
I'm gonna go back to baseball. And so I reached out to different organizations trying to figure out how to get in, to just get the opportunity to try to play. And I happened to get a, I would say invite, but it was kind of open to the general public a invitation to, a workout combo on combine for the Arizona Diamondbacks.
::Brandon Smith
And so I went to that and competed throughout the day and then never got a call back. And so it really ended. But inside of me, it was I got a call and tried out for the Arizona Diamondbacks. Well.
::Brandon Smith
You anybody it was open.
::Brandon Smith
But where I realize it was when I was coaching my son's little league team and talking about my background in baseball, how I just threw in there.
::Brandon Smith
And then I tried out for the Arizona Diamondbacks and didn't make it was a I want these little boys to value me and think I'm something I'm not. And then I had somebody approach me and be like, you told the boys this. And did you really like. And, so my words were accurate, but the picture I was painting was more of a I want them to like me, value me.
::Pat McCalla
Yeah.
::Brandon Smith
And that that was several years ago
::Pat McCalla
because
::Pat McCalla
again this is where your value as a person goes in your mind. This isn't
::Brandon Smith
right.
::Pat McCalla
your value as a person goes up. If it's the story that you were telling versus the story that it really
::Brandon Smith
Right.
::Pat McCalla
but that's and that's the lie we tell
::Brandon Smith
Right? And then you tell yourself a lie enough that it becomes truth and you can't figure out, wait, what really what really did happen? Like what's wrong with me? And then you get into the cycle of, wait, I'm a liar, I'm a fake, I'm a fraud. I have no value. I'm not going to be lovable. I have to do something quick to shift the attention back to something that people need inside of me.
::Pat McCalla
well, you said that there was there was two things you can talk about. One of them you said was
::Brandon Smith
the shallow.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah, I think it's shallow.
::Brandon Smith
Also. This better be really deep.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. So number two, I mean, honestly, had a marriage fail, and walked through a very ugly public divorce. And a lot of that came from this, this personality trait where I had to go into some therapy and meet with counselors and self-reflection of why am I the way I am? And, it it takes two.
::Brandon Smith
So I'm not at all pointing, pointing the blame at her. The past. But there were things that my response to situations were out of this. You know, if she would push me, I would push back in an effort. You know,
::Brandon Smith
I had a counselor explain to me the way I operated
::Brandon Smith
was kind of like the Disney movie Tarzan, that insider brand.
::Brandon Smith
And there's this little Tarzan who loves the chase. You're chasing after me, chasing after me. But when you're not chasing, I have to do something to create the chase. And I want you to get close. But as soon as you get close to me, I take off running again. Because if you get too close, you might know the real me and see that I'm not the brokenness.
::Brandon Smith
Right? And so I don't even know that in marriage I was even the real me, because I would hide those deep, deep, dark, vulnerable fears which were rejection and abandonment. And the irony of it all was getting served. Papers and being rejected. And
::Brandon Smith
abandoned. My greatest fear happened to me. And so hitting rock bottom created a I got a figure.
::Brandon Smith
And what's funny is the time when I was so anti the whole Enneagram, I thought it was like, this is just another marketing. Yeah, yeah, we're going to we're going to define and put labels on everyone and marketed and like great idea. It's it's a horoscope for Christians
::Brandon Smith
But then on the other side of that season of life, just with therapy and counseling, that's when I discovered my my personality, my traits, those shadows.
::Brandon Smith
And I was just opening up a whole new world to me. And so the you know, I think our greatest strength is often our greatest weakness. And so
::Brandon Smith
taking that weakness, I became driven and motivated to go fix myself, figure me out. And it propelled me to where I am today.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
So how are you working through that today? Then
::Brandon Smith
It's a battle every day.
::Brandon Smith
Okay.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. I mean, there's some days that feel great and there's other days where I'm just like, who am I? I'm like, imposter syndrome. Like, am I even real? And I fooling myself?
::Pat McCalla
Well, and that's a key term that what term you just used I, I guarantee you and I think you would agree with me on this. There's not a single listener right now if they're driving on the road listening to this podcast in their car, or they're sitting at home, or they're working at home and they're listening to this when we say imposter syndrome, if they were honest with themselves, I'd be like, oh man, I struggle with that.
::Pat McCalla
I think all humanity struggles with
::Brandon Smith
that way,
::Pat McCalla
way, right? Like I don't belong like you were using the example of of Oprah,
::Brandon Smith
for Oprah,
::Pat McCalla
saying at the end of it doesn't matter if it was Tom cruise or The Rock Dwayne Johnson who she interviewed when they go backstage, they're still, did I do okay?
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. Right.
::Pat McCalla
Because there's this imposter syndrome.
::Pat McCalla
And I think that that there's all kinds of areas that that come from. But certainly one of the things that's dangerous for us is our self-talk, wouldn't you say?
::Brandon Smith
Oh, absolutely. Like
::Brandon Smith
if there's a way to mute myself, I think I would be a healthier, better version of myself. I, you know, going back to the TedTalk for me, being a public speaker and traveling, it's been I've been on large stages, small stages, round stages, squares. I've been on all the stages. But for me, the the achievement, the bucket list was Ted talk.
::Brandon Smith
That was a big platform. And as soon as I got the call that I was accepted, you know, thousands of applications, they took 14 speakers. I made it immediately. I thought, I'm a fraud. I have no business being on the TEDx talk. What am I going to do? Like, I'm never nervous to be on stage, but all of a sudden I'm nervous.
::Brandon Smith
I'm not qualified. I can't do this and I'm already going through the oh, people are going to wonder, did you just did you pay someone? How did you get there? Like you, you must know someone they didn't have a lot about. Like I find myself daily trying to tell myself to shut up. No. You've worked really hard for the last 20 years to create content, to define or to refine your speaking abilities to to engage with the audience like, no, this is what you've been working for.
::Brandon Smith
And I just I won't let myself accept it.
::Pat McCalla
You know, Brandon, one of the things that a friend of mine recently told me, because I was telling him I was being transparent with him just about my imposter syndrome, just going like, man, I sometimes I wonder, like, why am I at that table? And he made this statement, we're both men of faith. He goes, you're at the table because God put you there.
::Pat McCalla
So I just, I think of that. I see that as encouragement to you with the Ted.
::Brandon Smith
So help me with that.
::Brandon Smith
we're flipping roles. I'm interviewing you now. How how do you get that? How do you get that from your head to your heart? How do you live that? And actually, just the confidence of God put me here without second guessing.
::Pat McCalla
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
I mean, for me personally, I don't know if it will ever arrive where we'll wake up some day and not struggle with that. I think that's a human issue, but I think our self-talk is a huge one, that if people will pay attention, I don't think most of our listeners, me included, it's just been the last few years where I started to really pay attention.
::Pat McCalla
My self-talk, like you
::Brandon Smith
just said, yeah, if
::Pat McCalla
if I could mute my self-talk, I think I'd be a way healthier person.
::Pat McCalla
I've been paying more attention to the self-talk. I didn't I didn't used to think also, now I'm going like, well, wait, why was I just thinking that whatever fill in the blank were before? I don't even think I would have paid attention to the fact that because I'm not, you're not verbally saying it out loud to yourself.
::Brandon Smith
right?
::Pat McCalla
So I encourage our audience really listen to what you're telling yourself. And I actually think that most of the time you would never in your you would never sink to saying some of the stuff we say to ourselves, to our worst enemies, but we say it to ourselves and to pay attention to it. So for me, you're asking me how I'm doing with doing it.
::Pat McCalla
think I'm just trying to pay attention a little bit more. I actually have a routine now. I don't do it every single day, but I stand up and I look in the mirror and I just quote some things that are true. So I'm going to get to in a, in a little bit here with you. But some truths I think are from God
::Brandon Smith
Oh, you
::Pat McCalla
know, that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, that I'm in the situation I'm at right now because God put me there.
::Brandon Smith
Isn't that?
::Brandon Smith
Incredibly difficult to look yourself in the eye and speak positively towards yourself like it is really uncomfortable at first.
::Brandon Smith
You bring up a
::Pat McCalla
powerful point. So what I'm telling what I just said I do, I would encourage your audience, don't just say those things. You got to stand in front of a mirror because it is uncomfortable,
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. And you
::Pat McCalla
look at yourself in the eye and you say those things because I see the funny things.
::Pat McCalla
I, I'm, I'm Mister Encourager. I love to encourage people. I encourage other people all the time, and I rarely have my own self-talk
::Brandon Smith
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
mine is usually, I'm negative. So by the way, great job on flipping the.
::Brandon Smith
thank you. Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
Brandon has his own podcast. We'll get to that a little bit later too. But, we were joking about it before that. You're going to have to answer the questions.
::Pat McCalla
Do not ask the questions on this one.
::Pat McCalla
so let me ask you a couple of questions about it. These are a couple of quotes.
::Brandon Smith
okay. And
::Pat McCalla
I just want to I'm going to read the quote. And I want you to to just give your thoughts about it. First of all, you brought up the term before about insecurity, which I think
::Pat McCalla
an unhealthy identity and insecurity are like twins.
::Pat McCalla
together. So here's one of the quotes. Insecurity is not about ego, but insecurity is about where your identity is.
::Pat McCalla
What are your thoughts on that?
::Brandon Smith
not about ego. It's about where your identity is.
::Brandon Smith
Read one more time.
::Pat McCalla
Insecurity is not about ego. We usually think it's about
::Pat McCalla
but insecurities about where your identity is.
::Brandon Smith
nd,: ::Brandon Smith
And so I think if our past is still dictating our present, we have an identity issue. Yeah.
::Brandon Smith
I think the word, you know, I don't know if it's
::Brandon Smith
regional, but I feel like the word narcissism and narcissistic is at an all time high. Everybody uses it, and everybody accuses everyone of being narcissistic. And when I go on, read the definition of what a narcissist is, it's an all of us.
::Brandon Smith
We are selfish, flawed humans, and our heart is deceitful.
::Brandon Smith
So I think we have to take the idea of narcissism with a grain of salt because we're all we're all selfish. So
::Brandon Smith
I find that quote interesting, that identity isn't tied to ego.
::Brandon Smith
It's our identity is more often based on our thoughts, right, wrong or indifferent of other people's perceptions of us.
::Brandon Smith
Okay.
::Brandon Smith
This is and that's that's the framework where we create our identity.
::Pat McCalla
It's like we planned this Brandon. Nice.
::Brandon Smith
We've not talked about this.
::Pat McCalla
know because let me give you the next quote.
::Brandon Smith
time
::Pat McCalla
you masterfully transitioned into
::Brandon Smith
Thank you. Thank you.
::Pat McCalla
great job. You must be a
::Pat McCalla
All right, here's the next one.
::Pat McCalla
Insecurity is usually the fruit of comparison, and comparison is usually the fruit of rejection.
::Pat McCalla
So let me read that again because you just brought that up. You transitioned over and you're talking about us comparing
::Brandon Smith
Yep.
::Pat McCalla
So
::Pat McCalla
insecurity is usually the fruit of comparison. And comparison is usually the fruit of rejection. So when we're insecure in our identity, it's usually because we're comparing ourselves to someone else.
::Pat McCalla
And that comparison usually becomes comes from. We were rejected
::Brandon Smith
for somebody. Yeah.
::Brandon Smith
You know, the comparison is the thief of joy. And, you know, there's all those Hobby Lobby plaques about, you know, those quotes, live life love,
::Pat McCalla
That's.
::Brandon Smith
The comparison game, I think that is one of the biggest threats to society today. We we see it, you know, at our young kids sporting events, the parents are more competitive than the kids on the field. Like the parents care more. We go to family events and Christmas, and it's not so much about the gifts anymore.
::Brandon Smith
We now compete on the wrapping and the gift wrapping. Who did it? Like, everything is competitive and or competitive in in it when it comes to comparison.
::Brandon Smith
The thing I find with comparison, it is one of two things. It either elevates us to a place of pride where we think we've arrived, and it now it's impacting that ego or two.
::Brandon Smith
It creates anxiety, depression, and lowers us to this place of woe is me. I'm not good enough. And now we have a whole nother conversation of mental illness and the way we view ourselves. And we're looking for other ways to fulfill that void inside of us. And if we can just be in the presence, we're going full circle here.
::Brandon Smith
If we can just be in the present, in the now and eliminate the comparison game.
::Pat McCalla
You brought up a really good point. That comparison is going to be 1 or 2 things. You if you win and you outdid everyone else and you compare yourself now it's elevating you and it becomes ego.
::Brandon Smith
Narcissism.
::Pat McCalla
If it's the other way then it's going toward discouragement and depression and,
::Pat McCalla
but we're flooded with it more than maybe ever in human
::Brandon Smith
history.
::Brandon Smith
Some of it. Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
social media. And like we said, social media is not all bad, but it's certainly not helping with the comparison
::Brandon Smith
nd the media in the summer of: ::Brandon Smith
transgenderism and children and kids, you know, not being happy with who they are, well, they just go change your identity, change who you are, change your your name.
::Brandon Smith
Birthed this idea. And so we wrote a children's book about this hippopotamus who has everything they need to be happy, a great family, warm home food. You know, amazing pond in their yard. And and then the hippo one day decides, hey, if I have stripes like the zebra, then I'll finally be happy. And so in the children's book, paint stripes all over this, you know, this big, you know, round hippo with paint dripping off it and realizes that even with the stripes still not happy.
::Brandon Smith
And if I was as smart as the elephant, I'd be happy. So goes to school. Or if I was as fast as the cheetah and you know, all these comical sketches of hippo went out on a track running, trying to get faster. If I was as tall as the giraffe and all these different. And in the end realized that happiness was a choice and that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.
::Brandon Smith
And God's got a plan for me. And, I'm happy as a hippo. Because I, I'm in my 40s, struggling with this, trying to learn it, and my kids are in their teens struggling with it. And if we can just help kids at a young, young age figure out you're fearfully and wonderfully made. Yeah, avoid the comparison game at an early age.
::Brandon Smith
I think it's going to set them up for a lot better life than you arrive experience.
::Pat McCalla
And it's so funny because I'm 52. I turned 53 this year and I still find myself the hippo that's going like, man, if I could be as fast as the cheetah
::Brandon Smith
Oh,
::Pat McCalla
stripes of the zebra. So by the way, let me plug that book to them. Like, you guys got to go out.
::Pat McCalla
We'll put it in the description below
::Brandon Smith
No, thank you.
::Brandon Smith
But let me just jump. Yeah. Really quick.
::Pat McCalla
if
::Pat McCalla
you can you imagine branding. If a child did actually grow up and they they're graduating from high school and almost perfectly they had that idea of like, I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, I am unique, I'm the pinnacle,
::Brandon Smith
It's
::Pat McCalla
not too low because of God made me that I I'm I'm unlike any other human being that that my worth is not.
::Pat McCalla
If it can you imagine an 18 year old who who had that in the core of their being, how healthy they
::Brandon Smith
would.
::Brandon Smith
I would hire them today.
::Brandon Smith
Oh for sure.
::Brandon Smith
And my daughter would marry him. Yeah. You know. Yeah,
::Brandon Smith
it's one of the things I find myself thinking about in, you know, in the song or the walk in the desert of like, it's so much bigger, like. And I understand now, like, I wish I would've paid attention high school to these conversations about philosophers and.
::Brandon Smith
this is modern day philosophy. Like we're trying to figure out, you know what is the meaning of life? I can tell you it's not
::Brandon Smith
comparison. It's not to achieve. It's not to get at what, you know, the Joneses have or and I found myself just in the last 24 hours, my in-laws got a new vehicle, and all of a sudden my vehicle isn't good enough anymore.
::Brandon Smith
They have a new Lexus and my Tahoe like I got. It's time to trade that in, but I found myself last night scrolling on Lexus's website looking at this vehicle because.
::Brandon Smith
Mine's not good enough.
::Pat McCalla
Yep,
::Pat McCalla
So. So here's another quote. Make a comment about this one. There's a big difference between being well known and being known. Well
::Brandon Smith
There's a big difference between being well known,
::Pat McCalla
and being known well
::Brandon Smith
Yes. That's deep
::Brandon Smith
from a humanistic point of view or even from a spiritual point of view.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
I think it's one of the things that your therapist was trying it, one of the Tarzan
::Brandon Smith
example,
::Pat McCalla
that was trying to get you to understand. Right. Like as soon as someone was getting to know you. Well, and I know this because I'm a three as well. And again, I think all of us as human beings, it's difficult for us to allow ourselves to be well known because if someone knows us really well, they're gonna know all of our brokenness,
::Pat McCalla
and that's that's difficult
::Brandon Smith
And what if we're no longer lovable? What if we're not good enough once they see that we have some scars?
::Pat McCalla
I remember one time I was, speaking of stage, and there's quite a few people in that audience on that particular one. And I said, here's one thing I know about this. This group in here, every single one of you came in here with a secret that maybe you've never told anybody else. You were wounded so deeply.
::Pat McCalla
You were hurt so deeply. Someone did something or said something you said you've never shared with anybody else.
::Pat McCalla
and this was actually at a church, by the way, where we're supposed to be able to be honest and transparent. And that's again where I think that the, the danger for us as humans is we want to be well known,
::Brandon Smith
But
::Pat McCalla
we don't want to be known.
::Pat McCalla
Well. Big difference.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. Scary. Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
yeah. All right. Three more. These are very
::Brandon Smith
careful.
::Pat McCalla
So I'm going to read all three of them.
::Pat McCalla
But these now this really comes back to you and I being men of faith.
::Pat McCalla
We work from acceptance by God. Not for acceptance by God.
::Pat McCalla
That's a huge was one of the identity that if
::Pat McCalla
It's wrong. But most of us spend our life working from acceptance from from by God, not for acceptance by God.
::Pat McCalla
Meaning
::Pat McCalla
we're striving to try to make God accept
::Brandon Smith
us. You know, God is
::Pat McCalla
saying, I already do, based on what I did on the cross, here's another one similar to that. When we become hostages to others, especially our critics, if we are more concerned with what people say and think about us than what God thinks and says about us.
::Pat McCalla
And that's for threes. That's a big one. Right?
::Pat McCalla
And then the last one.
::Pat McCalla
That I want you to comment on these too often, we have more faith in the people who don't believe in us than the God who made us.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. I like to call it critics math. You know, you you can be on stage, you can speak, you can write a children's book and get 100 positive reviews. People singing your praises. People want to meet you after you step off stage and shake your hand or take a picture, and then you see that one negative review.
::Brandon Smith
And guess what consumes me for the next week? Week and a half? Yeah, the one negative.
::Brandon Smith
Truthfully, Pat, I'm,
::Brandon Smith
I don't know how many years ago, five, six years ago, I had a speaking engagement and one of my critics who saw on my website where I was going to be reached out to the event planner, an event I was going to come to and sent an email just destroying me and who I am.
::Brandon Smith
And my credibility and calling me a liar, and that the event that was bringing me in actually forwarded me the email and said, hey, we receive this and in that moment I realized it's really hard to defend yourself and not be defensive, not come across as defensive. And the email I did the event, the email was ridiculous and completely out of line and wrong.
::Brandon Smith
I still have that email on my computer in a folder. I can't delete it.
::Brandon Smith
But I go back to it and I read it once or twice a year, and when I do, it just makes me sick and nauseous and ruins my day. And I know if I just delete it, it's gone. But there's something about, I mean, yeah, that second quote you just read like our yeah, yeah, our critics take up so much rent in our head.
::Pat McCalla
you know, Brandon, you were telling that story and I'm sitting here going, I'm internally I'm thinking like Brandon, that's really unhealthy. And then I turn it back on myself and I go, oh, there was a place that fired me a few years ago, and I keep going to their website to see how they're not doing very well.
::Brandon Smith
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
Meaning, like when I say not doing very well like it
::Pat McCalla
as long as they don't achieve something, I'm like going, oh good. See, it proves that you made the wrong
::Brandon Smith
decision. Yeah.
::Brandon Smith
Just imagine where they would be. Where would they be if you were still there.
::Brandon Smith
Yes.
::Pat McCalla
Which is really
::Brandon Smith
Right. So
::Pat McCalla
let's make a deal. How about you go delete
::Brandon Smith
back and I won't
::Pat McCalla
back to that site again.
::Pat McCalla
That's going to be a big one for
::Brandon Smith
me. Down to only looking like once every three months or something.
::Brandon Smith
But why do we do that? Yeah. What? Yeah. I'm not I'm not committing to it right. But why do we do that?
::Pat McCalla
Yeah.
::Brandon Smith
Like I just told you they were wrong. It was ridiculous. These accusations weren't, like,
::Brandon Smith
factual. It's not even hearsay. Like. But I still have that thread, because what what if I do need it in the future? What if, like, to destroy their credibility?
::Pat McCalla
Goes back to the critics math that
::Brandon Smith
Yeah. Put that down.
::Brandon Smith
Well, read number one again. Those last three.
::Pat McCalla
We work from acceptance by God, not for acceptance by God.
::Brandon Smith
I think we could do a whole nother podcast on that one right there.
::Brandon Smith
Because I think that impacts some of our theology and our perception of God, and that's a whole nother journey I'm on growing up in a small, conservative Christian community school that I grew up with, this fear of God that I don't if I do something wrong, I'm going to upset God.
::Brandon Smith
And now I'm on this place of wait, you know, before the foundations of the earth. God called me, chose me, love me, sent his son for me. I'm good enough.
::Brandon Smith
And there's a whole lot of crazy theology in between those two that we could discuss, but.
::Pat McCalla
could spend the whole podcast
::Brandon Smith
because I spent
::Pat McCalla
most of my life to,
::Pat McCalla
God was up there with his arms crossed,
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
just waiting for me to screw up so he could punish me
::Brandon Smith
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
instead of the God that has open arms just waiting for me to run home. Is it son?
::Brandon Smith
Yeah, it's
::Pat McCalla
completely different theology and a completely different way that we live out our life.
::Pat McCalla
Then, based on those two, right?
::Brandon Smith
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
Well, Brandon, before we we wrap up here, anything else you want to say when we talked? I mean, this was a week. We could go on and on with this, but anything else you wanted to say
::Speaker 1
As we're wrapping up this episode. Be sure to leave us a five star review. And if you're watching on YouTube, leave a comment on something you'll take away. All right, let's hop back into the remainder of the episode.
::Pat McCalla
anything else you wanted to say
::Brandon Smith
Oh, I think we covered it
::Brandon Smith
to some degree. I don't know as well, but it's
::Brandon Smith
here I am as a three. I want to make sure it was good enough and measured up. And we we tweaked. We we checked all the boxes and got it covered. No, I just, identity is.
::Brandon Smith
I so bad want to arrive, want to get there?
::Brandon Smith
I do know is Brandon Smith of: ::Brandon Smith
Because of conversations like this, trying to figure out self reflection and influences from people like yourself, that regardless of the missed shots or the failures or the broken relationships, stand by somebody because they believe in them and can see past the scars.
::Brandon Smith
So
::Pat McCalla
you just said. The Brandon of: ::Pat McCalla
or four years from now, I want to see that again.
::Pat McCalla
So always growing, always learning. Right?
::Pat McCalla
Well, okay, so here's the here's the fun, ironic part of our podcast, two Truths and a lie.
::Brandon Smith
No gray areas.
::Pat McCalla
No, no gray areas.
::Brandon Smith
Lie to me. Yes. Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
So there's no way you can stop me. Brandon, I've known you since you were four.
::Pat McCalla
Or five years
::Brandon Smith
okay? No way.
::Brandon Smith
All right, here we go. Number one,
::Brandon Smith
I once played basketball against Tracy McGrady.
::Pat McCalla
Okay.
::Brandon Smith
Number two, I auditioned for season three of The Apprentice. Number three, I performed as an NBA mascot.
::Pat McCalla
I know you performed in a mascot as a mascot. I just remember for the NBA. But I know you did that before, weren't you? You
::Brandon Smith
You you.
::Brandon Smith
I'm helping you here. I did one time. I was clutch with the Houston Rockets. Well done.
::Brandon Smith
I was going, wow.
::Pat McCalla
and then I'm going to go. I'm going to go. So one was, you played against Tracy McGrady and then the what was number two.
::Brandon Smith
auditioned for season three of The Apprentice.
::Brandon Smith
Was true
::Pat McCalla
as well.
::Brandon Smith
Thank you. Are good. I have not played against Tracy McGrady.
::Pat McCalla
Yes. Those are good ones
::Brandon Smith
Wow,
::Brandon Smith
I had to work really hard at that.
::Pat McCalla
No. But I, I think that part of the reason I would have.
::Pat McCalla
Picked number two is I could see you doing that too. I could see you doing all three of those. But,
::Pat McCalla
number two, I could definitely see you,
::Brandon Smith
Dang it, I thought I had you. Well done, well done, well done.
::Pat McCalla
Well, Brandon, thank you so much, man. It has been a joy to,
::Pat McCalla
Have you on the podcast.
::Brandon Smith
Well, thank you for
::Pat McCalla
sharing. Thanks for your transparency. I hope our audience will really take some take to heart some things. One of the big things that I would encourage them to do, that I'm going to take from what you said is to be very proactive. And our calendars,
::Brandon Smith
Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
our calendars say what we really believe and are living, not what we say we believe.
::Pat McCalla
And so be proactive on your calendar and make sure that whatever your calendar
::Pat McCalla
says you're doing
::Brandon Smith
reflects on your yeah.
::Brandon Smith
Is what's in your calendar getting you closer
::Brandon Smith
to those goals, those dreams, those desires.
::Brandon Smith
one last thing, but I love to ask audiences a real quickly write down the first 3 to 5 things that come to mind when I asked you the question, what's most important to you? And step back and give them 30 seconds, and then I know what they're writing down, and I know what they're not writing down.
::Brandon Smith
And so I'm setting up for this conversation about, you know, being present. It's our family, our spouse, our children, our faith, our career. It's not our cell phone, Netflix, golfing. It's not. And so look at your calendar and see you
::Brandon Smith
the to match. And when you see your calendars full of appointments and conversations that are taking you away
::Brandon Smith
I mean, there's so many layers to it.
::Brandon Smith
Do the notifications you get on your phone
::Brandon Smith
move you closer to your goal and dream? Are they distracting you and taking you off course?
::Pat McCalla
Yeah,
::Brandon Smith
Live intentionally.
::Pat McCalla
See? And that's perfect because that's way to wrap it up again, Brandon.
::Pat McCalla
Power and complexity, human choice. You have a choice on your calendar. You have a choice on what you're going to choose to do with your calendar in the next seven, 14, 21, 30 days.
::Brandon Smith
And it's hard if you're a people pleaser. It's hard to say no to appointments to request.
::Pat McCalla
Oh my goodness
::Brandon Smith
Okay.
::Brandon Smith
We got episode two. Here we go.
::Brandon Smith
Episode two. Because
::Pat McCalla
I have gotten so much better at saying no.
::Pat McCalla
And I used to be terrible at that because it was all I didn't want to, I didn't want to make up someone. I'm happy with me because it went back to my identity. I've gotten a lot better at
::Brandon Smith
my assistant tells people now for me, because I struggle with it.
::Pat McCalla
That's the way to do
::Brandon Smith
Yeah.
::Pat McCalla
Find something that works for
::Brandon Smith
you. Yeah,
::Pat McCalla
But we have some listeners that are going, I have no problem
::Brandon Smith
saying, yeah,
::Pat McCalla
All right. Well
::Brandon Smith
awesome man. Thank you so much
::Host
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of No Gray Areas featuring Brandon Smith. For more interview and podcast content. Don't forget to like and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Stay tuned for new podcast drops every other Wednesday. See you next time.
